Goals Are Dreams Made Real—But It Doesn’t Always Feel That Way

Setting goals should be simple – define what you want and work towards it. Yet many of us find ourselves caught between rigid frameworks and deeper aspirations, especially when working with horses, where connection matters as much as progress.

Take a simple goal: trail ride Ember. It’s clear and measurable—easy to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to.
But is that really *all* I want? Not exactly.

What I actually want is to have a horse I trust in a trail riding environment. I want to enjoy our time together while deepening our communication and building her strength.

And even beyond that, my bigger dream is to develop a meaningful relationship with my horse and enjoy our time together.

So does swinging my leg over Ember’s back and surviving a ride through the woods mean I’ve achieved my goal?

No.

And yet, it’s also clear that riding down a trail is very much part of achieving my long-term vision.

It’s no wonder riders struggle with goal setting. We crave progress, but we also want connection. And sometimes, when goals are too rigid, they seem to pull us away from the very thing we set out to create.

So what’s the answer? Do we ditch goals completely and just hope we end up where we want to be? Or is there a way to set goals that keep us moving forward without losing meaning?

The Three Layers: Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals

What is a goal, anyway?

Many riders use the word “goal” when they’re actually talking about a dream. A goal is something specific and measurable, but a dream is much bigger—it’s the long-term vision that guides you. Somewhere in between the two is an aspiration—a bridge that connects your dream to the way you want to experience progress.

Understanding the difference helps us use each one in the most effective way.

A dream is big and guiding—it shapes the kind of rider you want to become.
An aspiration is a bridge between your dream and daily actions—it reflects what you want to experience.
A goal is clear and specific—it gives you a concrete step forward.
Here’s how this applies to Ember:

Dream: Develop a meaningful relationship with my horse and enjoy our time together.
Aspiration: Have a horse I trust in a trail riding environment, enjoy our time together while deepening our communication, and building physical strength.
Goal: Trail ride Ember.

At first glance, the aspiration might seem more valuable than the goal—but they’re two sides of the same coin. The goal of trail riding Ember isn’t the end—it’s just one way I work toward my broader dream, by using this short term aspiration as a bridge to get there.

This is where riders often get stuck; a dream often seems warm and inviting, but vague, and goals often seem cold and clinical, but specific.

They might even seem to conflict, but ideally —they coexist.

When Goals and Dreams Seem to Clash

This tension between goals and dreams becomes especially apparent when we look at SMART goals. Riders often perceive goals, especially SMART goals, as non-relational. I can easily see why. The same thing that makes them: Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Relevant, and Time-bound—makes them excellent for a checklist.

And it’s one short step from checklist to mindless activity.

And the LAST thing you want with your horse is to show up as a mindless robot.

For many riders who sense a cold-checklist coming, the obvious choice seems to be: ditch the SMART goal and hope you find your way.

But what if setting the specific goal is actually the most effective way to make meaningful progress?

A well-set goal doesn’t replace connection—it creates it. The structure of a SMART goal isn’t meant to box you in. It’s meant to give you a clear starting point and measurable feedback, so you can stay present while making real progress.

When used correctly, a goal isn’t just checklist—it’s more like my trail ride. An opportunity to deepen our mutual trust, while enjoying the scenery. My goal doesn’t control me, it directs me. It ensures that the work you’re putting in aligns with your bigger vision instead of feeling scattered or aimless. But how do we actually make this work in practice?

Turning Dreams into Reality: A Practical Guide

The fastest way to ensure your goal supports your bigger vision is to start with your dream, and then answer a few questions.

Let’s use my dream and work backward.

Q: What is your dream or long term vision of success with your horse?
A: To develop a meaningful relationship with my horse and enjoy our time together

Q: How do you define a meaningful relationship?
A: Meaningful relationship: we enjoy our time together, which includes feeling safe. Our communication continues to improve.

Q: If you _already had_ a meaningful relationship (as you define it), how would you choose to spend time with your horse?

A: Someday I would like to show her in reining, but right now I want to spend time developing her strength, and balance by trail riding. So right now, I would choose to trail ride.

Q: It sounds like your focus right now is on trail riding. Can you describe that for me?
A: I’d like to have a horse I trust in a trail riding environment, enjoy our time together while deepening our communication, and building physical strength. (Notice: this is my current aspiration, or chosen expression of my dream)

Q: What does ‘trust’ look like, during a challenging moment, for example, if a deer jumps out, or a tree branch comes crashing down?

A: Trust in a challenging moment means: I will respond in a way that will ensure the safety of both of us. It means I will have practiced with Ember ahead of time. For example, I know she is a ‘hotter’ horse, as evident by her ground work. I would predict that if a branch came crashing down, I would want to feel confident in stopping her quickly and smoothly. This includes stopping her from bolting forward, but also from rolling back to the left or right (which I find challenging to ride, and not a habit I want her to have). I will likely need to be quick and smooth with my reins, so I want to practice this ahead of time, so Ember is not surprised. Trust would mean: I trust my immediate response, and Ember trusts her response – because we have practiced it ahead of time.

Q: What do you imagine might keep you from ‘enjoying’ your trail ride?
A: Fear of the unknown (tree branches, deer, etc.) Uncertainty around her responses, if I don’t practice ahead of time. 

Q: How will you know when you have accomplished this?
A: I will know I’ve achieve this when I can ride the red trail alone, without having to be proactively directing Ember to prevent escalation. I’ll be able to easily walk or trot, or stop and dismount. She will be responsive to my cues, without signs of resistance. She will be observing the environment while also checking in with me.
I will be responsive to receiving information about her experience, noticing when she might need support. I will be able to enjoy the surroundings because I will feel safe and prepared. Any challenges we face (an unexpected deer, or tree falling) will reveal her understanding of my cue system, and my ability to teach this. I will practice to ensure that even though these moments may not happen, if they do, they will serve to strengthen our communication.

 The Critical Question You Must Answer

Q: How will you know when you have accomplished this?

If you never feel like you’ve arrived—like your progress is complete enough to acknowledge—it’s because you’re not answering this.

Riders often set goals that feel open-ended. They say they want to feel more confident or build trust with their horse, but they don’t define what that actually looks like in real life. And if you don’t define it, how will you know when you’ve reached it?

If you want to feel complete, you must clarify what ‘enough’ is. Also notice that my description of ‘enough’ is descriptive in what I want, and how I will handle challenges.

Making It SMART: Creating an Action Plan

Having a clear goal is one thing—but how do you actually make it happen?

This is where structure comes in. Without it, a goal is just a nice idea. With it, a goal becomes a plan.

I want to trail ride Ember. But saying that alone isn’t enough—it’s too vague to guide my actions. That’s why I use the SMART goal framework to break it down into something I can follow.

Here’s what that looks like:

Specific: Ride the red trail alone from start to finish.
Measurable: Complete the ride with Ember maintaining a steady walk or trot on light contact or a loose rein for 90% of the trail.
Actionable: Build foundation through arena work: practice emergency stops, 180-degree turns, and exposure to unexpected stimuli (tarps, balls, etc) 3x/week. Pony on trail with Gabby.
Relevant: This builds trust between us and directly connects to my long-term vision of a strong partnership.
Time-bound: Complete first solo ride on the red trail by October 1st, or before trail season ends
By structuring my goal this way, I create a clear path forward while staying connected to my deeper aspirations. It’s no longer just a hope—it’s something I can actively work toward, without losing sight of why I’m doing it.

The Messy Middle: Navigating Goal Reality

A goal might look simple on paper, but in reality it rarely follows a straight line.

Once I set my goal—to trail ride Ember—I made it SMART. But to make it even more measurable and actionable, I broke it down even further, into a checklist.

The Dreaded Checklist
(Because deep down, we all know that just setting the goal isn’t enough.)

✔️ Groundwork for emotional control 3-5 days per week
✔️ Once under saddle, ride Ember 3-5 days per week
✔️ Confidently walk/trot/canter in the arena
✔️ Mount and dismount multiple times a day
✔️ Pony Ember from Gabby in the arena
✔️ Pony Ember on the trail a minimum of five times
✔️ Notice Ember’s responses on the trail, make a plan for how I would handle these if riding

Notice how most of these could easily fit on a calendar as #yes, or #no items. I’m sparing you from all the detail here, but I did actually track each of these.

Each step gave me clarity—helping me feel like I was making real progress.

But no matter how well you plan, progress doesn’t happen in perfect conditions.

When I set this goal in January, I imagined starting Ember under saddle in the spring. But by May and June, she hadn’t grown as much as I expected. I waited until July to start her, knowing this would make the goal more of a stretch.

I adjusted, kept moving forward, and stayed focused on what I could do in the meantime. I started ponying her on the trail early, giving her valuable exposure before she was even under saddle. It wasn’t the plan I had mapped out, but it was progress in the right direction.

Then, in September, another obstacle: Ember got cast in her paddock shed and injured her leg. There was no hesitation—her long-term soundness became my new priority. For weeks, my focus shifted entirely to her healing.

Suddenly, two things completely out of my control determined whether I would complete my goal:

1. How well Ember recovered.
2. The weather, as trail season came to an end.

This is where many riders get stuck.

You get so close to your goal, and then—something unexpected happens. It’s the moment where frustration, pressure, and doubt start creeping in.

It’s also the moment that defines whether the goal is serving you—or you’re serving the goal.

This is the real challenge.

It was tempting to ‘just do it’ and hit the trail. Or to shift the goal a little… maybe it would still count if I had someone pony Ember while I rode her?

This is when working back up the ladder of goal → aspiration → dream comes in handy.

Does swinging my leg over Ember’s back and surviving a ride through the woods mean I’ve achieved my goal?

NO.

The Power of “Yet”

This approach works for me because I took so much action toward my SMART goal that, even though I didn’t achieve it (yet), I collected plenty of evidence that I’m well on my way—including keeping the relational aspects as a priority.

Notice the word “yet” in that sentence.
I didn’t trail ride Ember… yet.

Instead of viewing goals as pass or fail, I will simply adjust my time frame. I don’t even need to change my checklist to get there—although sometimes, with other goals, I have had to.

The process of setting a goal often reveals steps we didn’t know we needed or obstacles we didn’t see coming. That’s normal.

Unfortunately, many riders take this:
Goal: Trail ride Ember.
Final verdict: NO.

And make it mean this:
Goal: Trail ride Ember.
Final verdict: Failure. I did this wrong. Why did I even try? I’ll never get this figured out.

They often block themselves from seeing how much of the plan did work, and where they might be able to make adjustments rather than throwing out the goal or dismissing all progress.

Sometimes they will even overlook the fact that they achieved the dream, while missing the goal…on this attempt.

I did not achieve my goal.
I can even label it a failure.
But because I also see how far I came, I truly do experience it more as a ‘not yet’ type of a feeling.

Goals are meant to help us move forward, not trap us in rigid expectations. When used well, they bring us closer to what we really want.
I didn’t check the box on my original goal, but I still moved toward my bigger vision. That’s what progress really looks like—not a straight path, but a beautifully winding trail.