SWS001.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Ball podcast, Stacy's goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.
Hello, I'm Stacey Westfall, and I teach people how to understand, enjoy and successfully train their own horses in this first season of the podcast. I'm going to be discussing issues that frequently affect the way that writers think. One of the tools that I use to help people understand issues that they're having is something that I created that I call the Foursquare model. The purpose of the model is to simplify complex problems, to break them down into smaller, actionable pieces. The model's pretty easy to understand if you took a piece of paper and drew a plus sign, you could actually create it on your own. And the four sections that would go in each one of those four quadrants would be the writer's mind. The writer's body, the horses mind and the horses body. I'll put an illustration of this in the show, notes for the podcast, which you can find at Stacee Westfall dot com. The reason I think it's important to break issues down into these four to four categories is it makes it a lot easier to figure out the next area you need to address in this season of the podcast. I'm going to be focusing on the writer's mind. In today's episode, I'll be discussing fear and how it's different from danger and some of the ways that it affects writers. Fear is something that I think people frequently confuse with danger in the quickest way to keep those two separated in your mind for the purposes of this discussion. Is that fear is going to be something that you experience in your mind.
For example, if you're going to do public speaking and you had a fear of public speaking, there would be no physical danger to public speaking. The stress and the negative experience you would have that you would label fear would be happening in your mind. Danger, on the other hand, I think it's combined with fear. But for this discussion, we're gonna put danger, meaning you could be actually in physical danger and we're going to actually save a lot of the questions that revolve around writing and physical danger for a different episode. So today we're just going to discuss fear and to get us all on the same page. I'd like to just go ahead and jump in and read an example that I got through an email from a woman named Melody who wrote to me after receiving one of my weekly emails. And she said, I have two wonderful horses I've owned for many years. They've never taken a wrong step. I've had a couple surgeries over the last two years. I'm terrified of getting back on, not getting hurt, but of not having the seat and balance anymore. I'm scared of not being able to communicate clear AIDS to my horse. Riding was second nature. My horse was just an extension of my legs. I'm scared it won't be that way anymore. There's grass growing in my arena. I think that e-mail pretty well illustrates what I'm talking about. The idea that fear is happening in your mind and there is a reality to how it ties together.
But for the purposes of this, I want to get you to think about what is going on. When you experience this type of fear and anxiety around an issue such as getting back on and thinking you're going to have a different writing experience. And I think that what happens with people is that they often think that if the experience isn't what they wanted it to be. So they they want this experience to be as easy as it was before. They want this experience to turn out in a positive way. I think like if the public speaking comes up again, I think people are afraid of public speaking, because if they had a guaranteed outcome of success, then there wouldn't be as much fear. There might still be that feeling in your body of, you know, increased heart rate or sweaty palms when you get up there. But the interesting thing about that is those can also be signs of excitement. So if you were a little kid waiting for Christmas heart racing, inability to sleep, those kind of things would have been very similar to the expressions that we label fear. But it would have actually been excitement. And I think the reason that it's important to break apart some of these things, like, for example, fear from danger, is that if we leave it all muddled up and mixed up in our minds, it makes it more difficult to actually stop and look at what's going on. So in Melody's example, it's very possible that she won't have the same experience that she had before.
But I can say the same thing about me riding a horse. If I took any amount of time off or even just going out there, I mean, there's no guarantee that it's always going to be exactly the same. Something can happen to one or the other of us. Situations can change. And in a way, we just have to accept the fact that it might not always be this peak experience. But that doesn't mean that it's going to be a bad experience or less experience. And there's something about letting fear hold you down. That is really kind of depressing, because realistically what happens is you're guaranteeing that you won't achieve what you're most yearning for. I'm going to read another example from another e-mail. I've not ridden a horse in over a year, but I still care and provide for my three. A major part of my life is missing. And I'm ready to begin again. I've clean my tank, set up my round pen, and have started to get back in shape physically. In all honesty, I'm terrified not of getting hurt. I'm afraid of failing, of not knowing what I'm doing. I'm afraid of the relationships I will develop with my past puffs. I feel like I've never done this before. I keep putting things off. And I think what what comes across clearly when you read this from an outsider's perspective is that the very fear of failing is preventing people from trying. And when fear stops you from even trying. Then you've already lost your guaranteed loss because you didn't even try.
If you really want to do something, if you really want to play the game, if that game is in this example, riding a horse or in my example, starting a podcast, we can't control the outcome of many of these things. But if this fear of not having a guaranteed experience is stopping us, then we are actually guaranteeing ourselves pain. And I think that I know, at least in my experience, it's often easier to choose the pain that we can control. So let's bring it back to this podcasting. I've been wanting to do a podcast for a very long time and it's super easy for me to wrap a lot of different things up. And I can say that I've got reservations about the technology or the amount of time it's going to take or what I'm going to talk about. But probably the biggest one is how it's going to be received. And so by simply letting the fear of how it's going to be received, stop me, I'm guaranteeing that I will never get to play the game of podcasting. And so at that point, I have a choice and I wish I could say that one choice or the other would be guaranteed to be pain free, meaning that I could sit on the sidelines and not podcast and it would be pain free. But realistically, if I'm really yearning to do a podcast, then there's going to be some level of discomfort in not doing it. But picking up the microphone and choosing to do it also does not mean I will not encounter difficulties or challenges or maybe even some of my own real fears coming true.
But at the end of the day, if that happens, two things. One, I'll know I tried. And two, most likely I'll live through it because this is an emotional mental fear, because if nobody listens to the podcasts or people read and say that they hate it, I can live through that. I might not enjoy it. There might be a little bit of pain, but at the end of the day, it's better than not trying at all. I think it's important to remember that we've all seen the movies and we've all read the books, and it seems like sometimes we're just looking for the little grains of motivation that will help us move forward, because for some of us, that might be simply going out and being willing to try again. The one email I had shortened it, and the reason she was so fearful of her pasta puffs was because she lost a horse she really loved. So, you know, it might be somebody listening who's afraid of exposing themselves to that type of pain again. Or you could be out there listening and you could be considering showing your horse for the first time. And you know that there's a really good chance you're gonna make mistakes, because I do it still when I tried different discipline. I'm probably going to make mistakes because that's one of the greatest ways to learn is by making mistakes.
And that's what happens when you go out and try something new that's really out of your comfort zone. Or maybe you're just yearning to actually, you know, push yourself to be more consistent and maybe you're even riding horses and you want this to be a profession, but you're afraid who in the world would ever bet on you? And what I'd like to do in this podcast is be able to show you that other people are experiencing these things. I've experienced these things. And let's start a conversation around this. So here's an interesting thought. To wrap up with when we are training horses, we often strive to teach our horses to turn and face their fears literally. We try to teach them to turn if we're flapping a plastic bag around. Stop running. Turn and look back at the plastic bag that we're shaking. And we do this because we want them to realize that not all fear equals danger. And that's the same thing for us. Not all fear equals danger. When you can remember that fears different than danger. You can actually stop and think about what's holding you back right now. And the challenges I leave you is to answer the question, what is one step you could take to face your fear? If you can't think of one simple step. To face your fear, I would encourage you to jump over to the show notes of this podcast and just simply type your fear out in the comments section and say, I have a fear of blank.
And that would actually be one small step towards moving past that fear. You'll find that over at Stacee Westfall dot com.
Thank you. If you enjoy listening to Stacie's podcast, please visit Stacy Westfall dot com for articles, videos and tips to help you and your horse succeed.
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I just found your podcast and I am so grateful I did! This first episode really hit the mail on the head for me, as have the following episodes that I have listened to so far. I am returning to riding after almost 20 years. I’m still young, but I’m much more aware of the dangers of riding now.
Moving from the “dreaming” phase into the “learning” phase: I just started working with two very hot horses- one older and trained, the other fresh off the track. The trained one tried to throw me at the end of our first ride and I am shook.
I know I have little to fear as long as I go slow, start with ground work, and make sure I work in my confidence zone. It was such an important reminder that just as we train horses to literally face their fear, humans can do it too.
I’ve worried that my fear means I shouldn’t ride; that my body is telling me this isn’t the right path for me. But I love horses and this work so deeply, and this love deserves a chance.
Thank you!
I forgot to say- my fear is being seen as silly, ridiculous, or incompetent- by others, but mostly by my own inner critic.
I quit riding 20 years ago because I was told that it would never be considered a “real” career choice. I had to choose something else and give up riding.
This messaging is still in my head. I’m working to soothe my inner child who was told their dreams weren’t important, and who was told that in order for an activity to be legitimate, it had to be a money-making endeavour. Neither of these things are true!
I had a horse who had a terrible bucking problem. He would not stop until you were of his back. I had a bad fall with him, now every time when I get on a horse I have a fear that they will buck me off. I am an experienced rider and have been riding my whole life, but suddenly I fear for my life when I get on the back of any horse. I do not know how to get this better.
Well this podcast was liberating. I fear a lot of things in life but your talk made me realize that the fear of losing control of my car or horse and getting seriously hurt is the paralyzing fear that bothers me most. More than being widowed, more than losing my parents. Makes me feel kind of selfish, but that is what it is.
What makes it liberating is that the rest of my life, where fears are not about physical harm, I feel like I can have victory.
So now I need to deal with the biggy, fear of physical harm and control.
I just started riding lessons again after not riding for 10 years. I also just purchased a yearling that I plan on training myself.
My fear is…. I will never be good enough to advance to my riding skills. I will never achieve the ability to FEEL where my horses feet are. I will never a achieve the ability to apply TIMING to that FEEL. And to be truthful… That fear hurts. But I’m willing to show up & keep trying because being in the same and not trying hurts worse.
Wow. Either of those letter could have come from me! Thanks for encouraging “the smallest step.”
Ha, ha, Jen!!! I feel ya!. My mustang mare and I had a mountain lion and kitten take down a cow elk RIGHT IN FRONT OF US in Mesa Verde. I don’t think we had time to be scared, just “Let’s get out of here.” My ‘stang mare took such good care of me and we just trotted FAST to a safe distance. I’m like, “Yep girlfriend. We’re going!”
On another note.. I have SO many older friends afraid to canter. Some buy gaited horses saying “Cantering is over-rated.” Same mare came to me so unbalanced that all she could do was gallop (speed for balance… think motorcycle or bicycle) on a straight line. It WAS scary. But she needed it for her own well being and healing. I found safe places… like along an irrigitation canal, where she could open up. On a loose rein! (Argh!) Fresh mustang! What I discovered is that she seldom went more than a hundred feet, and it was another layer of trust building. Of course you have to be ready to turn that around if it goes bad… but mostly those baby step gallops were just that. It’s taken three years to get a relaxed, soft canter out of her and we’re working on that 20M circle. A lot of that was rehab. But a lot of it was trust.
I am sharing my fear of the canter/lope. It has been a year since this podcast, and I have listened to all your podcasts (most more than once) Thank you. They have helped me along my journey more than you could know. So it is time I write down my fear but also my accomplishments. I get tense and nervous when cantering, even in a lesson situation, which in turn makes my mare nervous. I will focus on what we have gained this year – attended clinics, camping with my horse, lots of trail riding, and attending local obstacle competitions. These have all help boost our confidence (mine and Annie). I am 68 years old. I ask myself – Does it really matter if I conquer the canter/lope with relaxation and confidence? Yes I would like to, but for now I will enjoy My favourite things – trail riding, camping, obstacles, and working on body control (by the way I have your CD’s on Body Control and Bridleless- Love the cloverleaf pattern) and building on our confidence as a team,
my fear is kinda real i have an issue my husband calls blanking out. You could be talking to me and I have no real understanding of what you are saying mostly brought on by stress and new people situations. Veterans association put me on two medications that didn’t react well with each other and now my horse who recently bucked me off is getting bored just eating and walking around. My husband doesn’t like horses and my friend hates mares. i am at a loss because another friend rode her today. i do understand the difference between fear and danger. I am afraid of getting bucked off again. Husband said she is too unpredictable but shouldn’t training and a better saddle she has Mullen withers erase that unpredictability
It does sound like your ‘blanking out’ could put you in danger. I hope you find a way to overcome that!
What does real fear feel like? It feel like riding a three 1/2 year old horse threw the water, up a mountain and into the path of a bear standing on it’s hind legs looking u in the eyes, and after my life children ect , past before my eyes I said oh shit !!! And the bear runs away and my little mustang mare turns around and walk back down the mountain lol and the next day I run my horse up the mountain again
My deepest fear is of making a fool of myself in the show pen. So grateful for this podcast episode which made me realize this. Can’t wait to get started on changing my attitude and hopefully helping my horse have a better experience as a result!! Thank you!
I hope the podcast helps! Sometimes I ask myself what mistake I could make that hasn’t been done? I watch the finals in major competitions with hundreds of thousands of dollars on the line and the riders make mistakes. They count the wrong number of spins, they lope off the wrong way, they make the wrong transitions in the wrong place. Sometimes this lowers their score and other times they are completely marked out. Yet it happens every year. When I see it I feel the pain AND I know that it’s possible I’ll be in their shoes someday. The more I show the more chance of mistakes there are…but the more chance of growth and success too!
Yes, the podcast really helped! My horse sometimes spooks randomly (at least to me) and I thought most of my fear was about coming off and potentially getting hurt (neither of which have happened yet). However, listening to you talk about fear/performance anxiety versus actual danger made me realize that the majority of my fear revolves around what other people will think of me if/when something goes wrong in the show pen. But you are right – anyone who has shown a lot has had things go wrong in the arena and most people are probably sympathetic rather than judgemental. Going to focus on taking myself a lot less seriously this season. I think my horse is going to be very grateful! Thank you!
I really appreciate this episode Stacy. I loved, took care of and rode my beloved horses with confidence for 17 years. Life took a turn and 20 years later I am trying to get back to riding. I feel like I am constantly questioning my decision to buy a horse in retirement. Can I do it, will I get hurt, is this the right horse for me, am I to old. I have gone for lessons, and have had my horse evaluated to see if he is a good match for me. Honestly, I know in my heart I am more than capable of doing this but the doubting becomes fear. Some say I’m to old at 66, some say I should get an old horse, some keep telling me I could get hurt. More than anything I want to get back to trail riding but I find myself searching for the confidence to move forward in a positive way. Your podcast heled me put things in perspective. Thank you so much,
You’re very welcome!
WOW. Just … WOW! I am sitting here after listening to this, with tears streaming down my face. I feel like you have just been sitting here in front of me, talking directly to ME. The fear is real. But darned if I know why I fear the things I fear. I fear – riding alone, meaning without my daughter or friend with me. Because if something goes wrong – who will help me? If I’m ‘doing it wrong’ – who will help / correct me? And that is part of the fear … Doing It Wrong. What if I don’t correct my horse in the right way? Or don’t correct her at all? And then I just mess her all up … Or what if I correct her when it was me and not her? What if I ‘hurt’ her? What if I’m just not good enough for her? My mind is spinning … It’s very rare that there is literally nobody else at the place I board and ride. With all the horses there, there is usually at least one other person riding – so I wouldn’t technically be alone. So, in the past month, I have ridden exactly 4 times … because if my daughter or friend cancelled on riding plans, I just stayed home too. And now, I believe what you are saying, is to ‘pull up my big girl pants, and JDI (Just Do It!). And so … armed with Stacy whispering in my head, I think I will go change into my riding gear, grab a bottle of water … and go ride. Or at least drive to the barn … catch my horse … and at least start with grooming and some ground work. Thank you Stacy!!!! I needed this … A Lot!
Kathi, I’m so happy that the episode helped you! Fear is real and it is no fun. I think that you are now ‘unstuck’ and can work your way through this! I wish I could say you won’t cross another obstacle or a few along the way…but you have proved already that you can make new decisions- so go forth and conquer!
My fear is of getting hurt after a long and difficult recovery from a double knee replacement. I did it so I could ride they way I used to most of my life, mostly English & jumping. While I ride regularly, I am still fearful riding in my English saddle. Sometimes just dismounting makes me panic. Riding in my western saddle is fine, but I want to show English again.
Hi all.
Firstly, Thank You Stacy! Your timing with your podcasts is impeccable.
Christmas day has almost come to an end here in Australia, and I may not finish commenting in time to enter the competition. I tend to rant a bit so may not be finished by the time y’all start unwrapping your presents from your loved ones ?
I have always wanted to make a career out of starting and training horses, but, about 12 months ago I realized that I wasn’t pursuing my dreams or my goals, because of a fear of failure. I know that I am capable of working with horses, however I have not always chosen sound techniques with different aspects of my riding. This was mainly from lack of knowledge and understanding. And luckily I have only worked with my own horse, which I’ve had since he was 6 months old (he’s now in his 20th year). I know that every glitch he has, has come from my hands and I have feared that I have failed him. However, I have recently been able to focus more on the positive things that I have instilled in him. Which is helping me slowly gain confidence in my ability.
Every one of your podcasts has resonated with me. And the last has helped me immensely with taking the next step needed to follow my dream and achieve my goals.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Sincerely,
Catherine
Dreamer in transition, mother of one.
Jack of all trades, master of none.
Merry Christmas
This is my first podcast so I enjoy your tech blunders as I learn how to follow this podcast. When you described the difference between fear and danger, I recognized what was holding me back. A few years ago I was working my young horse and he was very aggressive, I felt in danger when we worked. I sought professional help with success. However due to some life commitments I have not ridden since he was trained. I am not afraid of him now but my fear is of failure. Failure to give the correct cues or failure not to keep my commitment to spend more consistent time working him. I realize now this fear of failure is preventing me from following my desires. I really needed to hear this and understand the difference thank you.