Episode 105-Older horses and the decision to euthanize
In this podcast, I’m going to discuss a tough subject, older horses, and the decision to euthanize. This decision is often made in emergency situations or when the quality of life is an issue. In my case, I can also see an impending crisis coming. Separating and understanding the emotions and the facts that surround each situation, and then putting them together to make a decision has been helpful for me. Listen to hear more.
105-Older horses and the decision to euthanize.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix
105-Older horses and the decision to euthanize.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Announcer:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill, this is the Stacy Westfall podcast, Stacy's goal is simple: to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.
Stacy Westfall:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall, and I'm here to teach you how to understand, enjoy, and successfully train your own horses. In this podcast, I'm going to discuss a tough subject, which is older horses and the decision to euthanize. One of the things that I committed to doing years and years ago when I started blogging was to share my journey and to be authentic. I am first and foremost a horse lover, a horse owner for many decades, and decades before that. If I count the ones that, you know, I owned as a child that were maybe more my mom's, but they were ours for sure. So all of my life I've been around these amazing animals. And when I became a professional, I noticed that sometimes the most challenging subjects weren't really talked about that much. It was actually one of the reasons why back in 2013, I started doing the YouTube series Stacy's Video Diary: Jac, because I knew that people weren't seeing the whole process of starting and training and taking a horse from un-started all the way through to showing. And there are so many ups and downs during the process of training. And I think that if you don't have that, you know, 30,000-foot-high view, you know, as a professional, I get to look at the industry as this big, broad hole that I'm very aware. I did not have that view when I was growing up and when I when I wasn't a professional in the industry. So one thing I'm really committed to doing is sharing what I can see from this vantage point in the hopes that it helps other people who are going through it, but they don't have that same vantage point. So that's what I hope I'm doing in all of the ways I communicate with you, whether it's here on the podcast or on YouTube or on my blog or any which way you interact with me. But I'll tell you, it's a lot easier to talk about the good stuff. And–and yet at the same time, there's–it's like, I believe life is 50/50. So there's this good stuff that's fun to talk about, and then there's all this reality stuff that's just, you know, sometimes it's just hard to talk about the less pleasant stuff. And that's what this subject is going to be today, which is kind of interesting because I just came off from this weekend where, you know, in the last podcast I was talking about the Western Dressage World Show. They had just announced the class results where I had found out that, you know, Willow and Gabby had both won classes. And then over the weekend, I actually found out that Gabby ended up winning the overall Level 2. So she was the the high point for overall Level 2. And then Willow ended up third as far as being overall high point. So we ended up third in that, both of which were really phenomenal, you know, year-end things, much more fun to talk about. And then also over the weekend, the AQHA announced their high point awards from 2019 because of the way their calendar year runs. And so the 2019 results came in and Willow ended up being the high point Level 3, the third–third level dressage, traditional dressage horse, which is again, like mind boggling. And I considered recording a podcast on that. But I could not shake this heavy feeling. And I thought, well, jeez, they're going to listen to this podcast about me discussing these wins and these successes. And I can't shake and I actually don't want to shake this sadness that I'm feeling about the decision to euthanize Scrapper. And so what I want to do is go through kind of, Scrapper's, you know, this end part of the story. You heard me talk about him in Episode 100, and I want to walk you through some of it in hopes that if somebody else is going through this or something similar, that they will get something out of this. Or if you have gone through something like this, that you will get something out of it. Or if you stay in the industry long enough, there's a good chance you will walk through something similar to this in the future. So I'm hoping this can be helpful for you. This is not my first experience with losing a horse or euthanizing a horse, depending on how it goes, but I will tell you, it does not get any easier. I know that for me personally, because, again, I've been a professional in the industry for so long, there are times that it can get a little bit more factual for me. I would imagine there are moments like that for nurses and doctors and veterinarians. But do not get me wrong, like I can feel myself–and I don't know if this is just me and how I process things–but I can feel myself separating the facts and the emotions and pulling them apart and putting them back together again and going back and forth through that. So for me, it's a cycle where I pull those those things apart and then put them back together again. And just to let you know that, you know, a little bit more of the back story.
Stacy Westfall:
The last time I really went through this was back in the end of 2011, in the beginning of 2012. So in December of 2011, I actually made the decision to euthanize Scrapper's mother, which was my first horse. Basically, I had a pony growing up and then Scrapper's mom, Bay, and then Scrapper was born. And so in 2011 she had a lot of arthritis and was to the point where she would go down and wouldn't be able to get up unless multiple people helped. And there were just all these decisions with her living up in Maine and in the ice and the storms, and there were just quality of life issues and not wanting to find her frozen in a snow bank issues and different things like that. So December 2011…but I could see that coming because we'd been struggling with her for a couple of years. Then you turn around and in February of 2012 is when Roxy died suddenly. And again, technically, that was a euth–a decision to euthanize because she became–she was very pregnant. She was carrying her first foal. She had had four foals by embryo transfer prior to that. So she had never carried one. And she was very big-as-a-house and she must have gotten down and gotten cast in the stall. She was up in the morning when Greg found her, but she was obviously painful. And, you know, a few hours later, they ended up calling her down to the vet clinic because they could tell something wasn't right. And within two days, you know, she suffered…both of her stifles just kind of let go. They had to hang her in a sling. Nothing good was happening. And the decision to euthanize was made because, again, of this this quality of life, pain management, and…what the heck's going on here? Like, I'm giving you guys the–the short versions of these because it's–they just kind of illustrate how these–some of these decisions get made. And then for me, I had gone December and then February and then in May, my stallion that I had was suddenly showing symptoms that were very neurologic. And so, you know, he was looking vaguely drunk. And you have to remember that in October of 2011, I had won the freestyle reining at the Congress with him. This was a young, healthy, everything going for him kind of a horse who then came in out of the pasture looking slightly drunk and within a very short amount of time. I'd have to go back and look but, I mean, a week. Within a week, we went it went from like he's riding better than he ever has to. Oh, no, he looks a little bit drunk to we're standing in a vet's office and they're telling me that he's going to be a danger to the farrier who's trying to trim him like this. He's got such a loss of balance and stuff. And so he basically had a bone spur of arthritis in his neck, probably from like, you know, being a young horse and wrestling around. And something got this like bone spur of arthritis started in his neck and it severed his spinal column. And so he was–it was bad. And so I had to make that decision right there. And so this is not my first trip making these decisions. And again, if anything, because I've been in the industry and done this and been around people, I've helped people, friends of mine whose horses were struggling. And, and so I've been around this a fair amount. And again, for me, I've practiced being able to separate the facts and the emotions. But do not get me wrong, you know, it's like I want to say that it would be easier or that it was easier to make the decision standing in one of the top veterinarian, you know, facilities in the country with them showing me very factual X-rays of this spinal column. And I want to say that made it easier. It didn't. At least for me, I know how to separate the two and put them back together, and as soon as I put them back together, it just sucks. And so if this ends up sounding more factual or balanced than that. Oh, it's probably just because I'm trying to hold it together for this podcast, because I'm telling you, it just sucks.
Stacy Westfall:
So. I'm going to walk you through a little bit of this, because I think again, especially if you're going through it or you find this podcast in the future when you're going through it, I hope it can be helpful. So what was interesting when I say that with Vaquero, for example, that I you would think it would be easier to make that decision when you're standing there with the vet telling you, like he's not going to be able to, you know, hardly stand up safely for the farrier. What I know happened to me then–I could feel it happening. It was like having an out of body experience. I'm standing there and it was such a shock that it was all happening. I could see it was almost like being outside of your body and you could see yourself. I could–I realize the vet's talking to me. I was taking the information in, but I had enough awareness to realize I wasn't processing it. Like I could–I could–I felt fuzzy and like I'm watching them and I'm hearing them and I'm looking around and I can see that they're looking at me and I can see that I'm missing something. Have you ever been there? Like, that's just the level of stress you're under where you know you don't get it, but you also know that you're not getting it. So like, there's a one level of awareness that you're, you know, you're not processing fully and yet you can't shove yourself into that full awareness. That, to me, is the biggest difference between the two big decision times that I've experienced with the decision to euthanize. And those two big decision times would be an emergency situation versus a quality of life situation. So to me, it's like, you know, I read some articles because I just love to gather information, especially when I'm stressing out. So I jumped on the Internet, read some articles, and basically one of them was saying, like, you know, people don't like planning for the unpleasant and, and planning around death. Or, you know, if you think about planning funerals for loved ones or planning your own funeral ahead of time, like people avoid that because it's unpleasant. They very frequently avoid it I should say. I do know people who do it. And so, you know, it's planning for your horse ahead of time is an unpleasant experience. But in that emergency situation with Vaquero or we lost a foal that had, you know, it flipped over and it broke its neck and we rushed it down to the to the vet. And they're like, yeah, no, this one's got a broken neck. This is not happening. We can't save this. And the difference between the emergency situation and the quality of life situation, which I'm going to circle with this one. I have like parentheses in my notes, like quality of life…impending crisis. Because that's how I'm looking at Scrapper. But the biggest difference–I want to finish this line of thought–the biggest difference between those two is that in that emergency situation with like Vaquero or the foal, I tend to experience that really fuzzy, like I realize I'm not processing at any kind of high level. And that was really interesting to see one of the articles and I think it was on like thehorse.com that said, you know, that's the biggest problem. If you don't start considering this stuff ahead of time, is that when it sneaks up on you–because if you have a foal or a young horse or a healthy horse, a lot of times you're not really that mentally prepared for these thoughts because they–it's, it's different when you're looking at–when you're standing there looking at an older horse and you kind of see it coming.
Stacy Westfall:
And for me, it's really–it was a really unpleasant experience to go through that super fuzzy. And I'm not saying that super fuzzy's not going to happen because I think anytime stuff hits you that fast, it does. But I think it does help to have practiced thinking about this stuff ahead of time. And I've gathered that information by just volume of life going on here, so. What I'm looking at now with Scrapper–so emergency situations are kind of one thing, and again, they suck, but the quality of life issue, which is more of what was going on with Scrapper's, mother and now Scrapper and, you know, my first pony and, you know, some of these things, when you get into quality of life, it's a little bit more of a gray area. And for me, I've experienced all kinds of mixed emotions around it. But one of the things and the reason I wrote down "impending crisis" is that that's what I can start seeing coming with some of these older horses and experience. And I'm going to also emphasize I'm not even making these decisions completely alone. So I've got my own input as the horse owner I am and as the professional I am. But I've also got the professional opinion of like my farrier, because interestingly enough, when I look at when I look back over this list, it's interesting how much of the time, like, they are actually really impacted by some of the struggles that the horses have near the end of life because it becomes very challenging. I mean, I thought that was interesting, even looking back at Vaquero and and the issue that he was having, that one of the first things that they brought up was, you know, he's going to be borderline probably unsafe for the farrier to work on. And if that is just an interesting thing that I don't know, just I mean, now, now I think of it, but I definitely was not one of my first thoughts. But that became an issue with most of the older horses that I've had, because a lot of times what's going on is they start having mobility issues and horses are really large.
Stacy Westfall:
So let's talk a little bit more in detail about about what's going on with Srapper's story in hopes that it will help you guys. So basically, to me, I feel like I am trying to be just ahead of this impending crisis. I think sometimes you get into this situation with some of these older horses where you start seeing signs and there are mild signs like they start losing weight. They're harder to keep weight on. They're having trouble getting around. You know, you start seeing these these different signs of just aging in general, but then they can start to kind of make some other turns. And I think that that's where it gets a little bit tricky for me with Scrapper. I'm trying, I'm aware that I'm trying to avoid this emergency decision. And then some of the other issues I'll talk about in a minute, which is like being up in Maine where the ground is going to freeze absolutely solid, and his quality of life. So there are several different things. Momentary back-story here. Just to give you a little bit more about Scrapper without going into detail, because I don't know how much detail I can go into. He's that–he's that first one I ever raised. He actually went to college with me. So I bred my mare. I was so excited. He was born. I went to the University of Findlay, which is an equine college. As a sophomore, you're allowed to bring your own horse. And as a sophomore, you are you do colt starting. And so he went to school with me and he attended the University of Findlay with me my sophomore, junior, and senior year. It's kind of interesting because after I graduated, he was really well trained. I actually sold him and swore that I would buy him back. So I sold him and then followed him for years, like tracked him on AQHA, stayed in touch with different people, followed all the different rumors if he changed hands and they hadn't changed the papers yet, and I eventually bought him back. And it's interesting to note that when I bought him back, he was lame. So he was–started dealing with some of these soundness issues fairly early on. Some of that is because of his build and some of that is probably because of his use. But either which way it was there and it didn't matter to me. So I bought him back because I knew he was going to retire with me. He then taught my kids to ride and then he retired from that up to Maine where my mom lives and, and lived with her. And then about five years ago, he went to a friend's daughter and he taught her how to ride at a higher level. And that's where he's been. And thankfully, the–the friend is a really good farrier, which was super helpful because a lot of Scrapper's problems are in his front feet. Navicular problems, arthritis problems. But as I tell you a little bit more, you'll see that it goes from one spot to another when you're looking at these aging horses. And so over these last few years, he's, you know, he's 27 now? Yeah.. And so over these last few years, you know, he's had kind of a classic decline of, you know, he's got a little more pain from this and a little more pain from that. And he requires special shoeing and requires some pain management and he requires, you know, all these little extras. But he really kind of started to come off the rails this spring. And what that means is, like he when he came into the beginning of 2020 looking pretty, you know, like an older horse, but maintaining his, you know, maintaining his weight OK as long as you worked hard at, you know, making sure he had the right stuff in front of him. But some of his early signs were that, you know, his bad–number of bad days were getting worse. And when I say bad days, he would spend the night in the stall. And then when he went to go out to a nice green pasture, he didn't want to walk that far. And we're not talking very far, you know, so he didn't want to walk a few hundred feet. He was a little like, yeah, I'm kind of sore. I really don't want to move. And so, you know, reluctance to want to move, even though he's going out to a lush green pasture and then started to see more signs of he's laying down a lot more. And when I say laying down a lot more to make it less objective like, oh, my opinion versus your opinion, his body started reporting that he was laying down too much because he started to basically get like bedsores. And this is not something that you can put more bedding in and have it fixed because it's not a problem with bedding. It's a problem with circulation that he's not…the horses aren't meant to lay down for that long without getting up and down, but he's having trouble getting up and down. And so when I visited him in June, he had one bedsore and they are treating him excellently. I mean, he's receiving unbelievably high quality care. And when I talk to a friend of mine who's a nurse, she's like one of the other reasons that some of this stuff starts happening is the body's in older people and older horses stop absorbing and processing things the same way that they did when they were younger. And so despite the best, he just won't heal up. And then, you know, and at the same time, he's getting more sore in his front feet and more uncomfortable and having recurring sinus infections because, you know, his body's just not healing the way that he did when he was younger. And, you know, and with the best farrier work, like crazy high tech stuff, it gets hard for the farriers to work on them when they have a lot of pain because you have to hold up one foot, which makes them have to stand on other ones that are sore. You got to keep in mind he's laying down for too long because he's trying to get off his feet, but he can't lay down for too long because then he's got too much on his sides.
Stacy Westfall:
So then when I visited in September, I realized that he was sitting on the wall a lot, like leaning. So if you–like I, like I first I thought he was just wanting his butt scratched because he was kind of up against the front bars. But his little butt cheeks were kind of poking out because he was leaning back against the bars. But after a couple few days of watching him, I realized he was doing it on all the different walls because basically he's figuring out for his own self, he's getting up and down as hard, laying down as being hard on his body. And then because he really only lays down on one side because of the, you know, difficulty getting up and down. And now he's trying not to get up and down and he's trying not to lay down, but he still needs to get off those front feet that are sore. So he's sitting on the walls because he's trying to get out of pain. And yes, he is he is already on pain medications. And this spring, I said, you know, do injections. Let's do everything we can to try to get him more comfortable. And this is still happening, like because we're–it's not, to me the same thing right now as it is with a younger horse where you have to think about how their joints are going to be affected for the next 10 years. Scrapper is not going to have another 10 years. So even pulling all the stops out and just kind of being like, let's really try to help him, it's just not making a difference. And so it's becoming more and more, you know, that's what the progress has been. So I've been up to Maine twice this year, June and September, to look at this. And so, you know, when you talk to the farrier who has their professional opinion and the feet just aren't responding anymore because the same reason that the that the sinus infections are happening because the body's not doing its job right anymore. Same reason that the bedsores are happening because the body is just not processing things anymore. The feet start to have changes that are not good because they're just not growing and doing the same thing that they do in the younger. So you just don't have the same stuff to work with. In the hardest part for me is seeing the decline, because you can see when you've been around them a lot and you know them. You can see when they lose that spark, when they're just struggling because of the pain and the difficulty and it's just becoming–it's just becoming a problem. And then being able to see into the future like we can, we know winter's coming. And I know that his arthritis and staying in the stall is bad and yet going out to the pasture and laying down and frozen ground and snow dealing with ice. I know this is all so bad. And so this is these are the different things that I've had to weigh in to decide what's going on. And so this is how I've walked myself down the road. You know, we've got a vet that's saying there are–we're out of options for controlling his pain. And I've got a farrier that's having trouble getting underneath him to even to keep these amazing glue-on fancy shoes on him, to make sure that he's as comfortable as possible. And yet that's becoming difficult. And so many signs just point towards basically either I'm going to make this decision and we're going to do this in a way that that we can kind of control some of how it goes down or I won't make the decision. And some kind of impending emergency will make the decision, because there's no doubt in my mind that at some point he's going to slip on the ice, he's going to lay down in the pasture and not be able to get up because of the different footing. He's going to stay in the stall because he can't go out to stay safe from the flooding that's outside. And that's also going to make him even more crippled. So this is how I've walked down this road….and ended up with this decision that still sucks to make and yet I believe that it's the best one.
Stacy Westfall:
And so I'm going to close with the quote that is engraved on Roxy's headstone, and if I can remember to I'll linked to this in the show notes because there's a photo of it on the blog from when Roxy passed away. But her headstone says, "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." Thanks for listening and I'll talk to you again in the next episode.
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Links mentioned in podcast:
https://thehorse.com/151225/time-to-say-goodbye/ – Great article
“Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened.”- Roxy’s Story
For over 30 years I have owned horses but the last 5 months have been the worst.-Losing multiple horses in a few months…
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Thank you, Stacy. I’m grateful for this podcast. I feel better prepared for what I too will be facing sometime in the future.
My 22 year old quarter horse gelding has navicular and wears special shoes. He’s also had chronic hind end lameness for many years. (My vets theorize caused from him flipping over early in life. I bought him as a two year old and at that tender age he had freshly healed spur marks on his sides. The scars are still visible to this day). Though he saw a number of vets and specialists through the years, the hind end issues would never fully resolve and I made the decision to retire him from riding in 2013. At that time I made a promise he would live out his days under my watchful eye and when his quality of life diminished I would not let him suffer.
His pain is manageable for now and I’m able to keep weight on him with a disciplined feeding program. But I’m aware things will inevitably change. Your podcast has helped me to know what to consider, what to expect and how to be better prepared so I can make the right decisions for him.
I’m so glad it helped you. It is a tough decision but it can also contain peace when you know it’s the right thing. Peace and pain together. So strange.
Thank you for taking care of him!
This hit home for me on the subject of hearing facts but not processing in a vet clinic. I’ve experienced and planned with senior horses I’ve owned. The punch in the gut came when I took a mini mare into a clinic for removal of primary teeth she failed to lose normally. I found my self looking at X-rays of my mares skull with a huge dark area in the sinus and orbital floor and hearing but not hearing what the vet was telling me. Bottom line I was faced with a unplanned euthanasia because it was a fast growing tumor. Surgery would have turned her into a science project and her quality of life would have been awful. I’m still struggling over it 5 years later.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I prefer seeing the old age creeping up vs the sudden shock at a vet clinic. The inability to process while knowing they are communicating with you is a tough spot to be in.
I’m so glad you did this podcast. My 25 year old gelding has had arthritis for years. He is loosing weight and not looking well. His knees don’t want to bend when he walks. I live in Indiana and the weather will be getting even colder next week. I think it’s time to put him down but not sure that I can do it. I don’t want to see him in pain. Just last month he was running and bucking. Some days are better than others. When is the right time to euthanize and let them have peace.? He can still get up and lay down. It’s a hard decision. Thank you for talking about this!
I have a 29 year old that is doing exceptionally well, considering . . . She had to have 2 teeth pulled this fall and so now eats only soft senior complete feed. She tries to eat grass when its available. (I live in Illinois, so at this time it is not.) She is maintaining her weight and getting around fine. I wish she could be in a warmer climate, but that is not possible. I keep her locked in her stall when the ground is slippery or dangerous for her. She hates that. I’m not sure if she’ll make it through this winter, but we’ll see. I rescued her when she was 17 so she’s had great care for awhile now. Thank you, Stacy for your insight. I’ve never had to make a decision like this, but I don’t want her to suffer. Time will tell . . .
This is a podcast I have not been able to listen to. About 2 weeks before this, I had to put down my 20yo navicular Quarter horse. He had been a stalwart of our county fair for 4 different 4H members and always came home with some ribbons. The last girl who took him to our fair entered 9 classes and came home with 8 ribbons, 2 of them Blue. Maybe someday, I can listen.
Thank you so much for this podcast, so heartfelt and beautiful. I had to make that decision in 2018 with my mare. She was late 20s and I’d had her for 5 short years….but I learned so much from that cantankerous mare. I think she tolerated me most of the time but toward the end, she truly seemed to realize that I kept my promise that I would take care of her if she took care of me. ♥️
Amazing – thank you for sharing – I honestly wondered if I could cope with this topic. it was so heartfelt listening to you with what had happened to your horses – I never knew what had happened to Roxy or Vaquero. And you so love Scrapper – but you are doing the right thing – You explain it all so well. So terribly sorry. Big hugs Stacy xx
Scrapper is lucky to have a human in his life that cared so much about him and put so much thought into such an agonizing decision. The pain we feel when we loose a beloved creature is directly proportional to the joy they brought us throughout their life.
Stacy, My heart goes out to you. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story of a cherished horse. By sharing his story you have helped all of us prepare for or come to terms with our own similar decisions. Not many would be so brave to share your heartfelt thoughts that lead you to your ultimate choice. Thank you for talking about something so hard that just the thought brings the hardest emotions. Thank you for helping all of us, he lives on through all of us listeners now. …smile because he happened. May God bless you always.
I’ll be watching this episode. Two weeks ago I had to make that decision for my mare, Zippin to Summer. She was only 24, but A-Fib Cushings, and bad arthritis in her knee. The morning I woke up and found she had developed Sidewinders Syndrome made my decision pretty easy, but still agonizing. She now rests in peace in her favorite spot. I have a photo of her watching as I chatted with you on the phone on a “coffee brake”. It’s one of my favorites.
Carol-I’m so sorry for your loss. I remember that photo! To listen to the podcast, click the small play button on this page and you can listen when you are ready. Sounds like we are on similar sad paths at the moment.