Roxy was carrying her first foal when she died. They tried to save him but his lungs were just not developed enough. 
They were buried together. The vet was so kind. He placed them like they were running-her legs stretched mid-gallop with him just below; the classic image of mare and foal with a sad twist. So strange it was that I took a picture of it (a strange think to think of now). A photo buried in an external hard drive in a file named Roxy that I can’t bring myself to look at.
Roxy was carrying her first foal but she had already produced four others,via embro transfer.
Jac was her last.
It was hard when he first arrived. He may not have been raised by her but she is still in there. The way he moves….the look in his eyes.
The saddest truth about this story is that my husband, Jesse, was the one who had to call Greg about riding Jac. Jesse made all of the arrangement with Greg for Jesse to start training Jac (I sit here crying as I type this) because I couldn’t.
I couldn’t hope. I couldn’t risk. I had lost too much. Hurt too much.
So my wise husband (don’t tell him I said that-I don’t want it going to his head;) told Greg to bring Jac down. “Will it bother you?” he said. I think he knew the answer, even if I didn’t.
I wasn’t home when Jac arrived.
No one was with me when I went into the barn. When I looked into the stall and was thankful he wasn’t her color. No one was there when my heart broke for the little horse that I refused to consider…because of my pain.
“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” says Kahlil Gibran. “It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen”
Looking into the stall….something broke inside me and I knew I needed to let Jac in. And Jesse (I think he knew this would happen) said later that night, “You know…you should ride him.”
Thank you-Kahil and my husband Jesse- for bringing me…..Jac.
47 Comments
Leave a Comment
FREE PDF DOWNLOAD
WHY IS MY HORSE...?
100% Private - 0% Spam
No one taught you the skills you need to work through these things.
Riders often encounter self-doubt, fear, anxiety, frustration, and other challenging emotions at the barn. The emotions coursing through your body can add clarity, or can make your cues indistinguishable for your horse.
Learning these skills and begin communicating clearly with your horse.
Click here to learn more.
[…] wrote a blog titled, “Roxy’s Last Foal…Jac” where I discussed Roxy’s death and how Jac was […]
Stacy – Would you please share in written format the poem you recited at Jac’s debut appearance. It was beautifully delivered and should be shared with any person who’s loved and lost a special animal with whom a spirit bond has been made, and then lost. Many thanks. Terry Casson
When are you posting the next Jac blog and training video?
Next video will be posted on Wed!
thanks for taking your time to share.
Jac IS in your life for a reason…..and YOU and Jesse in his! Bitter beginning….but SWEET rides ahead!
Myself and two sisters have a business by the name of “Riding on Heartstrings” this story could not be more fitting to that name. This adventure will be healing for you and others..I look forward to seeing you both grow together, literally. I will continue to watch your story.Wish you the best.
I thought he died. How can this truly be her foal, how did he survive?
Olivia, Jac was her last foal via embryo transfer (see 2nd and 3rd paragraphs).
Ooooooooh ok I didn’t know she meant the last of those four. Thanks
Your writing brings tears to my eyes. What a blessing to love so deeply., though it can bring such pain from the loss. Thank you for sharing.
Only a true ‘heart horse’ person can understand the pain.
I totally feel your pain and understand how you feel. This is so powerful!
Thank you for Sharing!
Smile and tissues. Thank you for sharing. God bless you.
Sometimes in life Stacy when we are hurting we fail to see the blessings that God puts right in front of our eyes to help us heal…and Jac will do that for you. As one Maine cowgirl to another open your heart to Jac and be reborn again : ) God Bless!!
Reading your heart filled truth and grabbing a tissue. There is nothing I can add that has not been said. Peace of the Lord be with you and your family.
With you all the way. Go girl!
Stacy, It was hard to read about seeing your mare and foal. I told you about Winston and losing him 4 weeks ago. Rips out your soul but you go on. So many things happen that are just beyond your control. I took the best care of my horse and it didn’t make any difference. It will be fun seeing you work with Jac. I also have a Gypsy Vanner mare that I need to get a canter out of. Anyway, I just go day by day, that’s about all you can do. Take care.
Thank you for letting jac into your life!
He will have the bestest friend to follow, which is around.
He will help you to find a way to heal yourself.
Big hugs to you stacy.
Ps thank you jesse to be there and heloing your wife.
I LOST MY PRECIOUS MARE ARADAH AND HER BABY BOY BREEZE ON THE 18 TH APRIL . THEY WERE POISONED BY CATTLE BARON WANNA BE AND HIS BEST MATE IN MY OWN PADDOCK. HE THREATENED TO KILL MY BABAIES WHEN THEY BORN AS HE HATED HORSES EVEN THROUGH HE HAD NO RIGHT TO BE THERE. THEY WERE BURIED IN A SIMILAR POSITION TO ROXY AND HER LITTLE BOY. BUT MY LITTLE BREEZE WAS SNUGGLED IN BETWEEN HIS MOTHERS LEGS , READY TO RUN AND PLAY WITH ALL THE FREINDS HE HAD YET TO MEET ON HIS JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE. NOW MUM AND BABS CAN FLY WITH THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN RIP TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE PASSED ON. I MISS ROXY SO MUCH SHE WAS ONE IN A MILLION.
.. There is no way l can feel the loss that you had to go through, l could hardly read for the tears, they may be animals, but they become a part of our life and our heart!!.. thank you for sharing you story with us!!
Beautifully written. Thanks for sharing.
Theresa
Thanks for sharing
Allow Jac into your heart. He will help you heal more than anything else can. When I lost my first horse, a Half Arabian gelding named Hy Sage Drifter, at just 12 years old it broke my heart. It was all I could do to go to the barn for some time. I did of course because of my other horses. I had a young stallion that my gelding Sage had raised because his dam had to be euthanized when he was only 2 months old. His name was Klassic Fortune. I had really only halter broken him because I was so focused on Sage for nearly 4 years trying to save him, he had an autoimmune disorder that was causing him to go blind and affected his brain and nervous system. I had a great vet at Auburn University in Auburn, Alabama. After losing Sage I put all my focus into my young stallion Klassic Fortune (Beau). Beau and I became inseperable. He was so gentle, easily trained to ride and show. I was able to successfully compete with him im Western Pleasure, Hunter Pleasure, Hunter over Fences, Dressage, Native Costume, Trail and Driving. I rode with our counties Mounted Posse too. We competed in the US National Mounted Police Competition. In 1995 and 1996 he was named US National Champion Mounted Police horse. To my knowledge he is still the only Arabian and only stallion to have won that competition. My point is that if I had not let him into my heart, risked the pain again I would have missed out on so very much!!! Sadly I lost him in 1999 at 12 years old too, also to an autoimmune disorder, (they both were caused from heavy metal toxins from a property I leased, did not find out til years later). I was able to carry on with my other horses because I opened my heart to Beau when it had been shattered by the loss of Sage. Your Jac looks lovely!! Open your heart to him and you will go far. You can have everything with him too. Good luck and God Bless!!
Thanks for sharing your journal and journey w/Jac. This is going to be very interesting and full of sweet and precious moments!! Just do your best Stacy and all will be very well~~
oh Stacy, I was balling my eyes out as I read that, I had to stop and wipe my eyes after each sentence. You are truly a very BLESSED horsewoman and we know Roxy can’t come back, but now you can welcome in Jac. I know he will help to ease the pain. We ALL get so attached to our horses.
Don’t forget to think about making the movie about your life, here goes another new part!!!
Thank you for sharing that. I lost my beloved mare to complications of foaling 2 yrs ago. I raised the baby but all I could see when I looked at her was what She had cost me…what I’d lost. I struggled with guilt over those feelings & finally sold the filly to the owner of the stud. I never could get past it. I wish you all the best with Jac. I hope he will fill part of the void that losing your mare has left.
So glad that Jac has entered into your life. As you work with him you will see much of his mother. He will bring you new experiences, and as time goes own you will see his mom in him,in his own way. Enjoy him and keep his mother in your heart. Give him his chance…..enjoy.
It’s so sad that her foal died with her too. I hope Jac has a long and successful life. He’s beautiful, like Roxy. 🙂
When one door closes another one opens. The door to Jac is now open. Time to let him in. God is good.
Jac is a loving legacy straight from Roxy’s heart. You a blessed in many ways – having a wonderful husband and family, loving and being loved by Roxy, and now getting to raise and enjoy her son. He’s not Roxy and never will be, but he has a part of her inside him – and that’s a rare gift. As many have, I also lost my heart horse… what I wouldn’t give to have had a foal from her. Yes, we will truly look forward to hearing more about your journey with Jac. Blessings to you!
Oh can I relate. I lost the best rescued x-greyhound racer in 20 years on Oct. 1 of last year.
Needless to say it’s been a tough week. I’ve now got another rescue with an incurable toenail
disease called SLO, and my newest addition to the family has Grade 3-4 heart murmur that was
NOT reported to me by the rescue. Ironically this is the 3rd black & white I’ve adopted from
them in recent years and 2 of ’em have come to me without any knowledge they were sick.
Our next stop with “Molly McDu” (named after my beloved McDu) is a doggie cardiologist
and I can hardly wait to find out what that’ll run. I have two boys and two girls, all dog track
rescues. Please pass the word to not go to the dog tracks! Thanks!!!!
Judy in Michigan (www.greyhounds.org)
I was holding back tears as the emotional roller coaster of loving and losing and then having to trust yourself to love again. It would be like losing a partner and trying to raise the child. You have to keep going it is not the child’s fault fate stood in. But you are a strong woman and this little legacy Roxy has left you. She will watch over you both. New memories. She has made sure Stacy that you had time to heal and she thought it time for you to confront your pain and fears with something so special. This in your eyes is a challenge. But from the heavens this is an opportunity for Roxy to let you know she is still close. I so feel for you but I know you and Jac will be as GRAND as you and Roxy. Because Roxy and Jac and you will not quit. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
What a sweet boy, Stacy. Roxy lives on in him, and will help fill the hole that she left. When my dog passed away in May, I thought I would never recover and never wanted another dog. but since then, I have found one that helped me heal enormously. I think Jac will do the same for you.
Good on Jessie for thinking of you. Hang onto that man.
What a beautiful love story. Love often has sadness intermingled with joy. Where there is an end, there is a beginning. I find peace in your soulful connection to your husband. May working with Jac help to heal your broken heart. Peace to you
WOW! I am speechless. I do look forward to watching you and Jac grow together. Tears in my eyes, for Roxy the beautiful legend, and for Jac, who has a lot to live up to! Let him into your heart, and he will talk to you.
Oh my goodness. My heart was breaking as I read this. I am so glad that you have a part of Roxy in your barn. I pray he will bring healing to your heart.
Now I am so excited to see the progress. I look at him and see HEART. He has it and I think you will be surprised. I know your heart hurts for Roxy as it should she will NEVER be replaced but I think he will show you things and amaze you. I am so looking forward to your videos of his training to see the stallion he should be. Gods speed
It will all work out my mother used to say EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON WHAT THAT REASON IS WE WILL NEVER KNOW. DON’T ASK JUST ACCEPT IT. It was so hard for I have so many questions and I never get the answers I want but I am given answers I just have to pay attention.
I see a lot of Roxy in him.. Strong, Proud, Willing.
Thank you Stacy for getting me back in the
Saddle after the death of my horse.
It is hard and painful, but to ride a foal out of the mare America loved.
I know you and Jac can do it.
Thanks for keeping me in the saddle!
Stacey, be brave, pray for the courage to move forward with this wonderful gift you’ve been given. The circle of love that began with Roxy has come together with Jac. I know you will love him, whatever adventures you two embark on. Your husband is so wonderful to do this for you- he knows what pain you have felt, and what you needed to finally get through it. This proves how things can resolve and pain can be replaced with joy. I am so happy for you.
Stacy… as much as i look forward to hearing this story of Jac.. it hurts my heart to hear and read your words about it.. because of the pain in your heart. But.. it makes me smile to hear you talk of your husband and his thoughtful approaches ! He is a man of great wisdom ! And you are a woman with the same gift. You are both inspirational. God has a plan for us.. it’s our job to figure it out and do well by him. Thanks for sharing !
Hi Stacy – I too read your story & shed tears. tears of sadness & tears of joy!I wish you every success & happiness with Jac xo
A lot of tissues needed to read that one. Your pain is palpable. May Jac help your heart heal…..
He is a beautiful horse. I hope he can remain uncut, at least until he has bred a few times.
Touching and bitter sweet for now. It will be sweeter still as you go.
Cheers to Jesse.