Our anniversary trip…is hanging out together a deposit?

Dedicated time together, with your spouse or with your horse, how do you measure if it is a deposit or a withdrawal? I am concerned that I have been unclear in my description of deposits and withdrawals. I have loved all of the comments and the discussions though, so I cannot say that I regret my lack of detail as it has left more room for everyone to expand.

Can we all agree relationships grow? Here is a copy of our engagement photo. Jesse and I have grown and changed both physically, mentally and relationally in the time that has passed. In the early days of dating we spent large amounts of time together learning a lot about each other. Lots of deposits.

I have to also admit that over the years there have been times that with kids, work, etc that we have made lots of withdrawals. Often times we were not aware that we were doing this until we were both snappy and frustrated.

The nice thing about having been married for 15 years now is that deposits don’t always look like as much work as they have at other stages. For example we just dedicated three days to each other by leaving the kids with grandma and staying in a nice B&B. We didn’t have a heavy agenda of therapy work or anything, mostly just time to hang out together and dream.

So in a way that part may seem to fit the ‘zen’ comment made by Lance, although I am suggesting that I look at this time as a deposit. I also agree with Brian’s comment, “ just being with them, but at the same time they need to stay out of my space and respect me being there, their leader, this is the best of both worlds, quiet time with my horses yet still banking training.”

I do not believe that deposits always look like straight up work or that all fun is a withdrawal. Maybe it is the attitude and focus of both parties that is more indicative of the deposit or withdrawal status.


  1. patsy24 on June 15, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Happy Anniversary. I appreciated the withdrawal / deposit discussion. It seems to me that your quality time together is a deposit. On occasion, if I’m not up to much, I will walk my horse for 45mins bareback (too lazy to saddle up), have her use her back, find with our oneness, experience together and stay strong. It’s not much, yet I consider it an enjoyable deposit

  2. Ida Marie on June 8, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Happy Anniversary Jesse and Stacy! I think anytime you spend with each other you are making a deposit. Sometimes Chris and I spend time together sitting on the front porch of the barn and not really saying much. We are enjoying just being together. Like you the horses outside have just been fed and we can hear them munching their hay. It is so peaceful.

  3. johanna on June 7, 2012 at 9:31 pm

    i agree entirely with your last statement. that has been my experience…

  4. Kathy Kopylec on June 7, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    Happy Anniversary! You both deserve some down time enjoy!

  5. Melinda Russell on June 7, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Happy Anniversary! God Bless a Beautiful Couple, love your engagement pic! You’ve had some sad times, but prayers and thoughts with you and your wonderful family!

  6. jennifer lamm on June 7, 2012 at 9:42 am

    I know that Steven Covey talks about withdrawals and deposits….. glad to read the blog… I don’t get at all what you are saying, but I hang out with my horses and work, and play….. “) lots of training is getting hung up on vocabulary words when trainers talk….. I’m going with the feel of my horse….. so I think you are saying to have fun and work, but just make sure your horse knows that you are the leader either way…… keep horsin around!!

Leave a Comment




100% Private - 0% Spam

Something went wrong. Please check your entries and try again.

No one taught you the skills you need to work through these things.

Riders often encounter self-doubt, fear, anxiety, frustration, and other challenging emotions at the barn. The emotions coursing through your body can add clarity, or can make your cues indistinguishable for your horse.

Learning these skills and begin communicating clearly with your horse.

Click here to learn more.



Join the newsletter

Subscribe to get the latest content and updates by email.