Episode 281- Earning Wisdom: Two Stories of Personal Growth

“And that wisdom you get to take with you through all of life, through the goals you’re pursuing and through the hard times you didn’t ask for and you don’t want to be in. The battle within the whole mess you didn’t ask for and you don’t want. And the person you become on the other side.”

Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy’s goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.

Hi I’m Stacy Westfall and I’m here to help you understand enjoy and successfully train your own horses. Today I want to share two stories that illustrate the wisdom that is possible for you to discover when you open yourself fully to learning. It’s easy to think about learning as a checklist of skills. I know so many riders just want list. What if you look all the at learned a bunch as an opportune weekend to develop of you wisdom. When I think about the box knowledge hit it makes me subscribe idea of having sure to book knowledge in your I we love books of so this is not that insult, but say this also indicates the with the that you can have a level of Nestor usage without a level of experience. And this is where it gets interesting. What if you could take knowledge and put it into action and the result would be wisdom? Wisdom is defined as the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment. The soundness of an action or decision with regard to the application of experience, knowledge, and good judgment. Here’s my summary. Wisdom is earned. If you’ve been listening to the podcast for a while, you’ve heard me talk about layers of training. You’ve also probably heard me talk about the four square model. Rider’s mind. Rider’s body. Horse’s mind. Horse’s body. Each one of these four quadrants has layers within it. I want to share two success stories with you and as you listen, see if you can hear the four quadrants.

But even more than that, listen for the wisdom that these ladies discovered. This first success story needs a little bit of background. It began when I did a video review inside the Resourceful Rider program. Mel’s horse was very distracted. She was riding in a circle and the horse was looking to the outside, looking all over the place, falling in, pulling out, and I gave Mel very specific instructions for how I wanted her to ride for the next week until the next call. The next week she submitted a video and the ride was at the dramatically the better. What would be more fun? Where we saw was that you ride, she shared. Champion was only the goalie rides in lot to doing the size. We discussed her plan for the next 30 rides and the challenges that she would likely encounter in all four areas the rider’s mind, the rider’s body, the horse’s mind, the horse’s body, but especially the rider’s mind. This is the success story that she shared recently. Listen to what she discovered.

“Dear Stacy, my mind has offered me a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t send in a success story. I haven’t been writing for more than a week, and it’s been raining here for what seems like forever. But I’m pressing in anyway. When you gave me the fire drill assignment, it sounded easy and it felt exciting, I think because in my mind, I had it mapped out as a one way ticket to success in a straight line until I started hitting mental, physical and emotional roadblocks.

Mentally, I didn’t fully understand the purpose of the drill, and so I struggled when things didn’t go as planned. I also struggled thinking about the next ride and how hard it was going to be when I felt stuck physically, the muscles in my arms when she was constantly pulling to the outside and emotionally when I got into the red zone and either imploded or exploded because I felt like she would never get it. Has anyone ever thought about the fact that although fire drills are necessary, they’re also really annoying? Ha ha. I believe in the purpose of a fire drill, and I think the more experience or the more one knows about fires, the more important the drill would be. They allow you to take action without thinking about it in a stressful moment, and they also teach each person their responsibility in that moment. My first success is that I think I now understand how this piece fits together in the bigger picture. The fire drill is a physical and mental muscle memory we turn back to in a time of need, but it’s also holding her responsible for not falling into or fading out of the circle both now and down the track when we add more layers. It means I won’t have to hold her together, so to speak. It helps build balance in her body and the ability to be flexible in her thinking, in going with my ideas and letting go of hers.

But perhaps someone who hasn’t been in a fire may think the drill is a waste of time. When I hit the roadblocks, I felt like the skeptical, eye rolling high schooler. When the alarm went off at the start, it sounded easy, but no one could have explained the layers I found without experiencing them for myself. I thought I understood it, follow my hand correct on the next circle, use my legs. 30 rides and she’ll be sweet. Sure. Yeah. Got it. If only I could explain the battle that went on within my full length videos stand as a testimony to my lack of understanding, emotional control, frustration tolerance, and timing. But all of these areas have vastly improved the mindset mastery work was key in working through the resistance that showed up for me. And yet again, riding my horse is not the only place I see these things show up in my life. I have so much more awareness in this, both in and out of the saddle. So I have listed the things I personally found success in. They sound simple, but they aren’t. They sound easy, but they were hard fought and met with a lot of resistance. In this, I realized that my most impressive breakthroughs came from my most impressive displays of resistance. My successes in her resistance. I can now feel where and how I need to be.

Soft in my elbows, in my heart, in my mind. I see how rushing in my thinking and my high expectations have infected how I feel, and how it oozes all over my time with her. My hyper focus on the task set me up for disaster. I can see how I put my goals over my relationship with her and how it came out in my actions. I have experienced and now I know I can’t ride with timing, think with clarity, or act with intention when I am mentally in the orange and red zones, and the harm that it does isn’t worth it and that it’s okay to get off. I can see how the resistance I had to the pattern also showed up in my horse. I see that time and the journey are not the enemies. They are to be enjoyed. I am more aware of myself, judgment and the fake quote rules that I follow that my mind tells me I have to follow. I have decided that I am capable of and worthy of making my own trail. This would make me truly resourceful. I have also learned it’s okay to change or even stop the assignment or plan if it’s falling apart, even if it’s given to me by Stacy Westfall. The successes from my horse are these. I can direct her feet with my inside rein only and both my legs. Our circles are rounder and I can keep her out of the circle the whole length of the cones if I ask with my inside rate only.

Wow. There’s a mental and physical softness in her. I can only have, quote feel in a place of softness in my mind and body. The trainer I ride with in person told me I have a different horse than the one I bought. Her paddock mates called out and she stayed head down next to me. My hyperactive border collie has also found peace in the rhythm of the dismount, and comes to sit at my feet for smooches. My horse echo will now stand tied. Instead of pulling back, I can hose, brush, pick hooves and saddle her while tied. She will also load onto the trailer first. Go. Her questions are now less frequent and less intense. I can see how my black and white thinking has kept me trapped, but flexibility in my thinking and actions leads to peace. I can stop the plan now and pick it up later. I can help my thinking by taking a detour and come back to it when the pieces come back together. Even if Stacy Westfall gave me the plan. Yes, I said that twice. That one’s hard for me. I’m calling this all a success because I kept going to find the gold. I am looking forward to seeing where echo is when I saddle up next.” Thank you, Melissa Tunis.

What I so appreciate about Mel’s success story is that she shared so much detail on the struggle, and so often when we take the time to think about the struggle, we miss the successes, the hidden gold, the wisdom.

It’s impressive to me how clear Mel was in the beginning of this, when she said it felt exciting because I think my mind had it mapped out as a one way ticket to success in a straight line. Just the way she phrased that shows me what she was thinking at the time and what she understands now as she’s phrasing it. I think 99% of riders go through that stage looking for the one way ticket to success. And what I know is that 100% of the riders that I know who have, quote success will tell you there’s always a personal journey involved. And that’s what Mel discovered. Listen to what she said here. Quote. If only I could explain the battle that went on within. That that right there. That is where wisdom is earned. There’s so much more happening when you ride your horse than what you do with your reins and your legs. Your horse experiences, all of you, including your doubts and your black and white thinking and your resistance. Those are in the saddle with you also. So Mel was willing to not only do the ride, but to also do the mindset mastery work to get coached to see her own resistance. And listen to the bonus she got out of it. She also discovered that riding my horse is not the only place these show up in my life.

I have so much more awareness of this both in and out of the saddle. And she’s accomplished all of this in less than 30 rides. And you may have noticed that twice, she mentioned, I have learned it’s okay to change and even stop the assignment or the plan if it’s falling apart, even if it’s given to me by Stacy Westfall. And then in another one she said, I can see how my black and white thinking has kept me trapped, but flexibility in my thinking and action leads to peace. I can stop the plan now and pick it up later. I can help my thinking by taking a detour. Even if Stacy Westfall gave me the plan. Yes, I said that twice. That’s hard for me. I love that she included this twice because to me, this is how I know she was taking ownership and really doing the work. Think about it. I’ve explained it like this before. Imagine that you are an aspiring artist and you come to me so I can teach you how to paint. I can teach you the colors, the brushes, the brush strokes. I can have you duplicate or copy something that I’ve painted. I can have you paint by the numbers, and I can give everyone in the class the same assignment. But if you really want to be an artist, you’ll need to take that knowledge and turn it into experiences. And that’s where you’ll discover your own wisdom.

What I hear is the Mel before the wisdom, the one that thought she got the one way ticket to success. And when that version of Mel heard my assignment, she heard it as black and white. Yet if you go back and listen on the recording, you can hear me say, you’re going to have all these doubts and thoughts that are going to come up and your willingness to deal with those is the work. And that’s what she discovered, is that in doing the work, Mel discovered the nuances. She had the breakthroughs, the circles got rounder. She understands the balance between her rein, and her leg. She found the mental and physical softness. She found that feel and what blocks it. And it was such a big change that the trainer she rides with in person said, it looks like she has a different horse than the one she bought. And what I want to tell you, Mel and everyone listening. When Mel thought she was leaving the assignment, she was actually doing the assignment because the assignment always has all of those layers. Rider’s mind. Rider’s body. Horse’s mind. Horse’s body. Mindset. Mastery. Dismount. Take a deep breath. Walk away. Think about it. Come back. The technique isn’t just what you do with your rein, and your leg, the pattern that you ride. The technique is also how you treat yourself, how you look at what you just did, and how you look at what you’re about to do.

And it includes the downtime in between the resets. It always includes ride, evaluate, dismount, breathe, put it down, pick it up, get coached, go back, go again. Be steady but not harsh. Be kind and fair, but firm and guide. And you did all of that, Mel. And you did it beautifully. I’ll tell you what I told you on the zoom call. Thank you for being an example. And I have one more nugget for you. Mel, I would like you to write in your calendar, and a year from now, I want you to listen to it again. And my prediction for you is that these breakthroughs that you are right on the edge of calling successes, because at the beginning of your story, you say, my mind has offered me a thousand reasons why I shouldn’t send in a success story a year from now, I want you to look back at this podcast and these successes. And my prediction is these breakthroughs are just the beginning, the things that you’ve discovered in less than 30 rides, if you follow this pattern of exploring, of learning, of picking it up, putting it down, doing the work and figuring out how you can be resourceful, how you can take the knowledge and you can transfer it into wisdom. You said it yourself. No one could have explained the layers I found without experiencing them for myself. I think you’re underestimating the power of what you just did. All that wisdom you’ve listed right here.

It’s just the beginning. Now. This next success story comes from a student that if you’re a long time podcast listener, you’ve actually heard from her before you met Heather Weimer in episode 259, and this is Heather’s most recent success story.

“This morning I had a success. I can’t tell you how much I needed a success. Actually, I know I’ve been having a lot of successes, but it’s been hard to feel it. Two weeks ago. I was diagnosed with breast cancer. In the first couple of days after diagnosis, I was recognizing how much resistance I had to things like calling back with more questions, choosing to ask for a second opinion, or changing my mind about what provider to book an appointment with after I found out more about their processes and their wait times. Because of the awareness I’ve been learning in the last couple of years in The Resourceful Rider, I was able to recognize this resistance, not let it shut me down, but think through it, notice it, and then choose how I wanted to move on. Then I realized my rushing. The podcasts have been perfectly timed with what I’m going through. I didn’t want to be where I am now, in uncertainty. I want to be out of that. In addition to my own uncertainty. My horse Amelia is lame, and I’m not sure what the future holds for her either. It’s a lot. My mind was really trying to find some point in the future where things would be okay again.

This morning I had a big breakthrough in how I’ve been looking at and experiencing this whole thing. I’ve been looking at this whole mess that I didn’t ask for and didn’t want, and feeling kind of helpless about it. I had made peace with the potential outcome where I’m a candidate for a lumpectomy and may have a quicker comeback time. But as I wait on test results, that will help decide if that’s a smart course of action, I’ve been really struggling with the other outcome the one where I may need a full mastectomy and potentially chemo as well. I really don’t want any part of that mess. I was looking at it as, what if I have to have a mastectomy and chemo? This morning I realized I don’t have to do that. I could choose to ignore medical advice. I could choose to do nothing, or I could find a doctor who would do something else. But if those tests show more cancer or a genetic reality that makes the return of cancer much more likely, I do want a mastectomy. I may even want chemo because I want to be a survivor. I want to give myself the best odds of living, to see my kids grow up, and hopefully having the opportunity to grow old with my husband. I’m going to start being intentional about all the things I’m choosing through this hard journey. Monday, I’m choosing to take Amelia to Washington State University for a full lameness exam.

I’m hoping with their expertise and advanced diagnostic options, they will be able to help me figure out the best potential outcome for her. On Tuesday, I’m choosing to have an MRI and if that shows more cancer, I will choose to have a mastectomy. I know this is just the tip of the iceberg for the hard choices I will make in the next couple of months, I’m going to have a lot of opportunities to do mindset mastery work. Thank you for the skills you’re teaching us.”

Did you hear it? Wisdom. What if you could take knowledge, put it into action and the result would be wisdom. Wisdom is defined as the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment. Wisdom is earned. And that wisdom you get to take with you through all of life, through the goals you’re pursuing and through the hard times you didn’t ask for and you don’t want to be in. The battle within the whole mess you didn’t ask for and you don’t want. And the person you become on the other side. I am deeply grateful that I get to work with amazing people like Mel and Heather and all of you who are willing to do this deeper work. I love providing knowledge, and if I could give you wisdom, I would box it up and hand it to you. But I know wisdom is earned and I know you’re capable. Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you again in the next episode.

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