Episode 232-Training bank account and emotional bank account

Episode 232-Training bank account and emotional bank account.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Episode 232-Training bank account and emotional bank account.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Speaker1:
That is what the adventure of learning horsemanship is like. It's learning all the parts and learning how to blend it together. And a huge piece of that is learning more about your mind and how you interpret things.

Speaker2:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.

Speaker1:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall. And I'm here to teach you how to understand, enjoy, and successfully train your own horses. Today I'm answering a question that came in about having a training bank account and an emotional bank account. Let's listen to the question.

Speaker3:
Hi Stacy. This is Jamie and I just finished your Specific versus Nonspecific podcast, which also talked about a training bank account. And I wondered, do you ever also look at something like more of an emotional bank account where horses I find like when we go spend time with our horses, we are more likely to be asking them constantly of things. As soon as we are in their presence. We have a lot to do and we move right into our own plans. But lately I've been doing more trying to figure out if I can make some deposits into that bank account where the time I spend with my horse. I also try to find out if there's places I can intersperse what they're thinking about or what they're interested in or what they might like to do, or slowing down even to let them listen or smell something that normally we just kind of don't have time for. I found that it's made a huge difference in our relationship that was already pretty good and that my horse just is more kind of willing and looks forward to our time together than she used to. So just wondering if you ever look at look at things that way as a bank account and what your experience is. Have a great day and thanks for all you do.

Speaker1:
Thanks for your question, Jamie. And I'm going to answer this by looking at it from three different angles, although a couple of the angles have angles inside of them. So basically, I'm going to give you a lot of different ways to consider this. First, the short answer is yes, I do what you're talking about. But the difference is I don't separate them. I don't separate when I'm out working. I don't separate my training bank account from the emotional bank account, as you described it. You'll actually hear echoes of this theory that I'm talking about in a lot of different episodes, but especially in last week's episode, about earning the right to be in each other's spaces. If you go listen to that, the emotional bank account that you are referring to is part of what I was describing when I was saying earning the right to be in each other's spaces. When I say I don't separate it, I live my life. With this quote in mind, James Michener wrote, The Master in the Art of Living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his information and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing to him. He is always doing both. So just to say it a different way, I don't distinctly separate it, although I do notice that when I'm teaching things, I do tend to try to make things separate so that you guys can understand a specific thought process.

Speaker1:
But the magic of all of this is at the end of the day, blending it all back together. So always be listening for both of those. So my question for everyone listening is this When you think about spending time with your horse and you realize that there are elements of training and you realize that there are the pieces of what sometimes we call relationship, or we could say taking into account the horse's emotions. Does it feel like an either or? Honestly, don't just think what you want the answer to be. Think about the last time you went out to. Quote unquote, work your horse. Did it feel like you kept the relationship there? Or if you see a method of training demonstrated and you go try to do it? Do you switch into a different way of being that doesn't include the identification and understanding of the horse's emotion. Do you switch to a classic work type of way of being? Now, another angle we can look at this from is quite literally work versus non work. So part of the phrasing that you used said we are more likely to begin asking them consistently of things as soon as we are in their presence.

Speaker1:
We have a lot to do and we move right into our own plans. Now in this, there are two separate threads of thinking with this idea. Number one would be your human view of work. So everyone check in with your relationship with the word work. A second thread inside of this idea would be professional horse trainers versus non pros. And again, a non pro is just a non trainer, also known as a horse owner that doesn't train for the public. So first thread, let's go back to that. What is your relationship personally in the human world with the word work? If you say the word work. What do you feel in your body? Does it feel Does it feel heavy? Does it feel. Can't wait for the weekend. Whatever your view of the word work is in the human version of it, it will impact your view of, quote unquote, working with your horse. So when you picture classic human employment, can you work hard and laugh during those crunch times at work? Like, I don't know if that's the middle of a rush. If you're at a restaurant or if that's got a deadline that's approaching and you're working on a team or you're working alone and you're in that work deadline zone, can you still see small moments with coworkers or with yourself that are rich with details like dry humor comes to my mind or kind gestures? Can those things still exist inside of crunch time deadline, that kind of thing? It might be tempting to think that you can complain about work or your boss or different things, even if you're only complaining in your head.

Speaker1:
It's tempting to think that that won't affect your relationship with your horse because especially if you're a non pro a horse owner that has horses for pleasure. Then when you go to the barn, you're like, Well, I'm not at work. But the challenge is. If you begin to think that you might be appearing as the boss and you don't have a good relationship with that in the human world, or if you start thinking, Oh my goodness, is my horse viewing me as work and you don't have a good relationship with that word, then your problem thoughts in your 9 to 5 will begin to show up in your writing. Crazy, right? Again. The James Michener quote The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play. Now, inside of this, I said there were two threads and the second thread is the distinction between prose and non prose, meaning professional trainers and non trainers, people that own horses. And don't train your phrasing. Quote, We are more likely to be asking them consistently of things as soon as we're in their presence. We have a lot to do and we move right in to our own plans.

Speaker1:
This reminds me of why I almost quit training horses as a professional. Back in 2003, I had been taught that trainers worked a certain way, and that definitely included the vibe of what you're referencing. And back then I thought it was an either or. Either I learned to train horses and run my business in the system that I was taught, or the only other option I could come up with was quit training and go get a real job. I'm still fascinated by the fact that I still to this day hear people be like a real job. I think I have a real job here in the equine industry, but let's just put that aside for a minute. So again, back then I thought either I had to train in the system I had been taught with like what I've called before, like robot training, or I would have to quit training and go get a real job. What actually happened for me was that I came to a point where I was ready to quit and I could even make a strong argument that I did quit training because I quit the system. That didn't work for me. So basically a different way of looking at that is the work I was doing. I didn't like the work environment. Ironically, as I was self employed that was being created there. So I shifted the way that I did my work, which mostly meant that I shifted the way I communicated with customers.

Speaker1:
Because when I looked at it, I actually saw this triangle as a professional trainer, and there was myself and my customer and the customers horse. And I began when I was ready to actually quit training professionally. What it brought was a clarity to me that I needed to be much more clear with my customers about like, for example, realistic timeframes. So instead of the customer coming in and saying, you know, I have enough money to spend for 30 days and this is what I want done. And me trying to let's just phrase it like people pleaser or something and try to figure out how to get it done. There came a moment when it was like. I'm the professional here, and this is not a realistic time frame for what you want and where this horse is currently at. And so that was more of me taking ownership of understanding the customer's expectations and the path that I thought was best for each horse. Ironically, I thought that doing this was going to like burn my business down, but what it actually did was it made my work a lot better because I was very clear with the customers and turns out a lot of them, not all of them, there were a few that didn't like what they heard, but the majority were like, Great, sounds good.

Speaker1:
Now definitely there were people that were like, But you know, I want this and I have money for this, and I just had to stick with my like, Well, I can get you this far down the path, but to go all the way down the path takes the typical horse. Six months to learn this versus six weeks. And so I'm not saying I can't help you down the path. I'm just being clear right now that when we get to the end of six weeks, this is what I see the range of realistic being. And that conversation was much harder to have up front, meaning it requires a level of maturity to say that and be clear. But it turns out it was actually not harder. It appeared on the surface to be harder because you had to say that up front versus getting to the end of six weeks and being like, This is where we're at and the client being like, But I really wanted to have blah blah blah done. So at the end of the day it required more of me, but it actually freed up so much more because I literally changed my work environment from the robot system that I had learned into this open, albeit more work in a way that emotional maturity of being able to have that conversation up front and disappointing people with my own like this is what I can see and I'll do my best.

Speaker1:
But this is what I can see and this is what I'll do. There is a level of hard in that that's different, but it was way better for me and it is no coincidence. It is absolutely tied together that 2003, the year I was willing to quit and the year that I shifted everything was also my breakthrough year for Bridleless riding, because the mental breakthrough of doing that mindset shift around, literally around working with horses and work and horses. Notice the theme again coming up. That was work that just unleashed so much for me because pros, professional horse trainers, you will have to look at the work idea from a couple of different angles. You will have to look at it from your own personal angle and from the customer who hires you. So can you hear how that's what I was doing? So I told you there was the triangle, There was me and there was the owner and there was the horse. But let's look at it another way. There's me and the horse and the owner. And so that relationship, my personal angle of what me and a horse that that matters as much as me and the customer. And then we've got like the customer and their horse. So I'm drawing a triangle in the air like you're watching me. Hopefully you can follow that. So the pros have that triangular thing they have to work on.

Speaker1:
And so anyway, you've got to understand both of those angles. Non-pros nonprofessionals, those of you who are listening, who just own a horse, like what does that even mean? But those of you who own a horse and you're not a trainer, you still have to look at your relationship with work because you will be tempted to skip or treat, quote unquote, work like a smelly rag, opting to do anything else with your horse, but quote unquote work. Because if you don't like the idea of work, you will naturally move away from it. So for everyone listening, what is your view of work as in your human employment, and what is your view of work as applied to your horse? And here's an even better one. Can you deeply enjoy all the time you spend together with your horse, even the quote unquote work part? Okay, last angle. So another thing that you said in here was or what they might like to do or slowing down or even letting them smell or listen to something that normally we just kind of don't have time for. Well, again, there's a few ways to go here first. Absolutely. You can do that. You can have moments when you slow down. And that is what I was talking about with the earning the right to be in each other's spaces. There is a to me, a slowing down feeling because if the horse is just compliant, then they're just sort of robotically operating versus them like, you know, literally like do you pause long enough in your training that they like, take a deep breath? Can you see them having that moment where they're like, Oh, I think the human's communicating this to me.

Speaker1:
So there's there is a slowing down that that I believe happens inside of good horse training. So it can be well done. I'm going to start with that. But typically when I hear phrasing like this, it's a red flag. So I definitely want to address it from that angle. Again, it can be done well, but typically if I hear the phrasing like this, it is a little bit of a red flag and the warning becomes relationship. So if we're going to contrast that, like if we're going to say work is on one side and then relationship is for those of you who are like, no relationship is not compatible with work, let's pretend that's a thought some people have. So. Sometimes relationship taken to an extreme can feel a little bit like spoiling. So I love thinking about it. Like, you know, parents spoiling kids. So then you have to actually define what that would mean in your version of that. So the image that came into my mind was, you know, the teenagers come up and you hand them a bunch of cash and they turn and leave.

Speaker1:
And so the cash, by the way, isn't the issue. It's the disconnect. It's the it's the disconnect that's happening there. Because if we look at like spoiling through a lens like that, then what's happening is the disconnect becomes the problem. Because when applied to a horse, they're not just walking away with your money and going and spending it somewhere and you're kind of like, Well, I kind of was thinking that they'd stick around if I kept handing out money, but turns out they just come and get it and leave faster. And so if we use a disconnected idea. When you do, let the horse stop to enjoy. I'm not saying that's not a thing, but what I'm saying is be careful because the problem can be if the enjoyment is a disconnect, where I see it go wrong oftentimes is you'll get this distracted horse getting rewarded. So that means that the horse is walking with the human and then the horse pops his head up and looks off across the pasture. And when this happens, in the full expression of the way I'm envisioning it, they really dramatically like you can just tell that they are now a half a mile out in the pasture looking at the other horses like their brain. I like to phrase it like this. Their brain is out there with those three horses that just did something interesting. And when it feels like their brain leaves to that level, what that often means is that they're not even aware enough of your presence to read your average body language.

Speaker1:
I'm not talking about your subtle body language. I'm talking your average body language. Picture this. Imagine leading a horse stop and you let a hand graze and a couple of minutes in some horses way out there in the pasture move and the horse pops their head up and spins to look at those horses and practically knocks you down. This is where. You can see that the horse is completely left you to the point where they're invading your space. To me, this is a huge problem and you will see this at every horse show I've gone to. I bet I could find an example of this played out. It could be a rider coming around the corner. It could be somebody taking a horse they know away and it can be as subtle as the horse is tied and they side pass into your space, literally into your space. And I know you didn't get crushed, but it counts because what I'm saying is this is now a horse that's not earning the right to be in my space because the level of distraction they're experiencing is now making them invade my space because they're disconnecting. So the challenge I often see when people are are kindly approaching the idea of letting the horse, you know, do whatever is that they accidentally reward the distraction.

Speaker1:
So the horse pops the head up, spins around and they're like, Oh, they want to look over there. I'll let them again. Picture it like the mind is leaving. And a lot of times all I do to double check with mine because this is not like mine aren't grazing and look up. But if mine are grazing and they look up, if I take a half a step somewhere, does that ear on that side, does it acknowledge it? Well, number one, did they come into my space at all? That would be a huge red flag. But assuming they don't. Assuming they do, just pop their head up, I might take a half step in any direction. Forward. Backwards. Left, right. Doesn't matter. It's literally it could just move my arms or whatever an ear should flick because their brain should be divided. They should be thinking partly about me. I referenced this in the last podcast and it's okay that they're looking at the other stuff, but not okay if they disconnect and leave me. So a safer way is that I do absolutely believe in letting horses have that. That space, that that ability to take a deep breath. But listen to this. I also deeply believe that I am the most interesting thing in my horse's life. Check this. Could you become the most fascinating thing in your horse's life? Could you be a gateway to amazing adventures? So, yes, my horses are actually turned out with other horses, but that routine is pretty established.

Speaker1:
Meaning it's not like they're rotating pasture mates every other week. They've got an established little herds and they go out and I do every once in a while switch different ones around and they have different stimulating things like that happen. But for the most part, I don't live on a ton of land and they don't have like bazillions of other horses that they're going in and out of pastures with. I believe that I offer the most stimulating thoughts. I believe I take them on adventures. So when you say or what they might like to do or slowing down to even let them listen or smell something that normally we just kind of don't have time for. I want you to think, can that just be a normal part of being with me? Because I do allow a slowing. I like variety myself, but it's more almost encompassed inside of like my idea of training cycles that you've heard me talk about. So the training cycle concept is the idea that every single day doesn't look the same and have the same workload. There are times that we go on trail rides. There are times that we do more groundwork. There are times that we, me and my horse, work hard and get ready for.

Speaker1:
In my example, a lot of times like shows and things. So we work and we work. And let's say that there's a a ramping up that goes for like, I don't know, let's say two and a half weeks, three weeks, and we're ramping up and we go and that, that, that end of that three weeks we've gone to a, a 3 or 4 day show and we worked really hard and we hand grazed and we did things we were it wasn't like it was just all work. You have to remember, go back to the show season. There's a lot of downtime. There's a lot of other relationship stuff you can do inside the shows that are actually contain a lot of hard work and downtime. Then what happens for me is in my training cycle idea is we come home and then we kick into like a more legitimate downtime like that next week. We really we work a lot less. There's a lot of like a lot of play, some trail rides. There's just a lot of freedom. There's this stretching out, there's this expanding of like just like, okay, being kind of stuff. And then we also are interspersing, like learning new things. So there is this. Breathing. There is this rhythm, There is this flow to being with my horses that sometimes I teach you guys as like a training cycle. Because I definitely do absolutely enjoy just being in their presence.

Speaker1:
Literally, earlier today when I was making the outline for this podcast, I was sitting in the barn. I have a brand new baby. Minnie Yes, that would be a minnie horse foal. And I was sitting out there writing the outline for this and just sitting in the barn because I just want to be in their presence. And so I think sometimes when when I say that when I'm working with my horses, I always have rules. I think sometimes that sounds horrible to people. They're like, I don't want that. But rules are just another word for boundaries. So like sitting in the barn watching the the baby mini mare and baby sitting there watching them like they're in their stall. They're doing their own thing. I'm watching how it's all going down. I'm sitting out at a table and I'm just watching them. And that doesn't require a lot of boundaries or rules. But when I walk into the stall, when I go to interact with them, I am now in a relationship with them and inside of the relationship I will find words like rules and boundaries. And when you look at your favorite relationships with other humans, you'll probably find that one thing that makes them really great is that you do understand each other's boundaries and out of mutual respect, you honor them. So why would that be different with your horse? So when we start looking at words like work or rules or boundaries, it really does matter how you view those across your whole life.

Speaker1:
Back to the James Michener quote, because it's going to impact you when you come back to the horse. So Jamie, I hope all these different angles helps you see all the different ways that this can be viewed. I definitely honor my horse's emotional experiences always. I just wrap it together with the training. Have you ever noticed that when you're learning something complicated or deep, it's helpful to learn it in layers or in parts? But for many things, in the end, it all blends together to become beautiful. Think about music and somebody learning how to play a guitar. You learn it in pieces and parts, but when you play it, it all blends together to become beautiful. That is what the adventure of learning horsemanship is like. It's learning all the parts and learning how to blend it together in a huge piece of that. Is learning more about your mind and how you interpret things, your body and how you're moving and how you're executing things, your horse's mind, how they're interpreting things, how they are seeing the world, their body, their physical capabilities, their current fitness level, all of it. Those are all the pieces that get blended together to create that relationship that I know I want with my horses. Thanks for listening and I'll talk to you again in the next episode.

Speaker2:
If you enjoy listening to Stacy's podcast, please visit Stacy westfall.com for articles, videos and tips to help you and your horse succeed.

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