Episode 229: “What do you do with your horse goals and dreams when life brings it to a halt?”



I received this question, decided to make it a podcast topic because I have recently experienced a significant setback that derailed my plans.

I see three types of life issues that can bring you to a halt.

1) Mindset issues: This can show up as fear, limiting beliefs, or EMOTIONS YOU WOULD PREFER TO AVOID. It often feels like resistance.

2) A temporary circumstance that derails your plans.
An example of this would be me breaking my hand in January and missing three months of riding.
This is a temporary situation that does truly take you off your planned path…
The biggest risk here is often that, although it is temporary,
my hand is going to become fully useful, and I will be able to continue on…
The greatest risk is that your mind might leave the facts of the situation, three month delay) and loop back into mindset issues.

3) The third type of life issue that can bring things to a halt is a circumstance that permanently closes a door. The death of a horse, for example.

When you hit a wall, or get derailed, it is tough to recover if you haven’t been practicing some type of emotional weight lifting with smaller things. The thought patterns you practice in the small things is what leads to the ability to keep going when the bigger things happen.

Episode 229_ _What do you do with your horse goals and dreams when life brings it to a halt__.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Episode 229_ _What do you do with your horse goals and dreams when life brings it to a halt__.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Speaker1:
But there's another part of my brain and it's literally like it's like a healthy version of self doubt because my brain is like, just like with the podcast. Oh, absolutely. This is a terrible idea and definitely you should be done at 100. Well, that that ability to question yourself and be like, But what if there's more?

Speaker2:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.

Speaker1:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall. And I'm here to teach you how to understand, enjoy, and successfully train your own horses. A huge part of enjoying your time with your horse will actually depend on your mindset. When things get tough, here is the topic of today's podcast presented as a question. What do you do with your horse? Goals and dreams when life brings it to a halt. I received this question from someone who signed up for my free webinar that I did last Saturday, and I decided to take the question and make it into a podcast topic because I myself have experienced a significant setback that derailed my plans this spring. In today's podcast, I'm going to weave together a few different ideas because I think this topic has many layers. Just for fun. Let's say there's three different types of life issues that can bring you to a halt. If I were making up three, I would say number one would be mindset issues. It can show up as fear, limiting beliefs, emotions you'd prefer not to feel. To me, it often feels like resistance. Like, yeah, that's not a good idea. Let's not do that. Another would be a temporary circumstance that derails your plans. An example of this would be me breaking my hand in January and missing almost three months of riding. This is a temporary situation. It truly does take you off your planned path, but I actually think the biggest risk in a temporary circumstance like this is that my hand in this example is going to fully heal and be useful again.

Speaker1:
I will be able to continue on. The biggest risk is that if you end up in one of these situations, your mind might leave the facts of the situation, which is a three month delay, is the fact, and it might loop you back into a mindset issue where you tell yourself a story, something like, Well, it was never meant to be, and this just must be a sign and this is just too hard, or all the different things that I think is a really common one two punch that shuts people down a lot when it feels like they can't pursue their dreams anymore. There's a quote that says Disappointment kills more dreams than failure. The third type of life issue that can bring things to a halt is a circumstance that permanently closes a door. An example would be a death of a horse. I'm going to share two audio clips with you from Saturday's Zoom call. In this first audio clip we were discussing beginning an equine business. This picks up at the part where we are discussing limiting beliefs or dealing with the emotions and the struggles. What I'd love you to listen for is the practice of building emotional strength or emotional resiliency and the ability to recover. This is going to be key when it feels like life has brought things to a halt.

Speaker3:
And then, you know, the hard work, as you know, is to process what those feelings are telling you and then move forward, right? Yeah.

Speaker1:
So it becomes it becomes for me, it becomes like if this is something that is uncomfortable but it's not putting a person at risk, it's not putting me at like risk. There's no like physical like that. Then a lot of times I step into things more often that make me a little uncomfortable, but they're not risk like physical risk kind of things. Yeah, I'll be like, Well, I could look silly and I might even think at the end of it that I looked silly or said something, whatever. Um, but a lot of that comes back to like accepting the stage of learning. I'm accepting that. Like, I just remember I keep going. I go back to podcast number one, I just wanted to be sick about like recording it, about posting it, about all that, like, and there's different episodes that are out there that like, my brain is like, You should definitely go delete that one. And I'm like, No, that was it's fine. That was a day and that was a thing and I'm allowed to grow and.

Speaker3:
And you're not allowed to delete any of them. Stacy We want them all. I will tell my brain.

Speaker1:
That next time it's like, definitely should not let me know. Yeah, I'll talk about it because it is an absolute fact inside of my brain for some of them.

Speaker3:
That's funny. That's surprising. Probably for everyone to hear. Yeah.

Speaker1:
No. Oh no. It's like it's gotten much because I practiced like, I'm a what, 200 and some odd of them now. It was really, really strong for the first 20, like, Oh wow, really strong. And then even around like episode 100, my brain was like, You've done it. Look, get your gold badge. You, you did it. Stop Now you should definitely not do it. Like episode right around episode 100. I was like, Wow, that is way more resistance and than I thought. And then again, it happened around like 150, which is just funny how your brain picks certain numbers to like be fascinated with. But it didn't happen around 200.

Speaker3:
Right now you're.

Speaker1:
Like, probably because I crossed the well, one, two, ten, 15, 17, 20 all the way up through and then really a lot at 100 and then another dose at 150. And then now, Yeah. Now if my brain wants to whisper anything, it's like you don't have anything else to say. You've got it all.

Speaker3:
Nope, not true. Again, you have to be.

Speaker1:
Able to like. It's funny because sometimes it feels like I'm saying like that. I'm like. But it feels a little bit like you've got your. You've got like, your brain that wants, like, safety and security, like the part of your brain that just wants to keep you safe and alive. And then you've got the part of you that wants growth. And those two different literal regions of your brain are often in that like tug of war. And because of that tug of war, that's where it's like I'm a I'm willing and I think one mistake I think a lot of times people like if you're out in life and you're doing public speaking or you're doing the podcast or whatever, we get used to like pushing past resistance. But I really think especially for horseback riders, it is important to evaluate like, is this danger or is this fear? Because sometimes fear points to danger, like, Hey, your brakes aren't working in your car, like that's why you feel funny. So you've got that fear. But then other times it's just like, I'm afraid people are going to, you know, think certain things about me or I'm afraid I'm going to think certain things about me. Because you'll find that most of the time, the ones that hurt the most are the ones that you believe yourself. And so, um, so yeah, it's definitely there. That's where a lot more of the work is for sure.

Speaker3:
Yeah. And I guess it's so important to start out at that trucked out like five years from now because we can already narrow our own focus enough to talk ourselves out of doing it or to continue doing it. Yeah, but then. I guess we have to kind of wrap it up by thinking about that big goal again, right? To give the motivation to move forward.

Speaker1:
Yeah. think for me, the five years out helps me be like, obviously I'm not going to know the perfect path, but I really do need to move like, like what's your.

Speaker3:
Motivation? Like, what do you how do I ask this? What's the thing? Do you feel so connected to your motivation? Or like, how do you how could you share some of that with us? Like, because it is the motivation that makes me want to do it to be in the equine industry. Um, how do you keep your passion? How do you how do you protect that from yourself or how do you how do you move that into taking these risks? Does that make sense?

Speaker1:
Give me a specific example or point to something in my life or in general so I can like anchor into it a little bit more.

Speaker3:
Um. Well, let's think about. You tell that story about? I think you were like rewinding one of your first bridleless rides or one of your first rides. You were rewinding it and just beating yourself up over it. Yeah. How did you decide to keep pushing rather than to just stay at home and ride and love horses?

Speaker1:
The so in that example, like I had taken the risk and tried the bridleless and had been so nervous that I literally didn't do all the required maneuvers. So I ended up with a score of zero, which means you didn't do the required maneuvers. So you can't you can't place there. And I just was so. Ad myself, but frustrated, disappointed. So like, how could you make that kind of mistake? And I was not. This was decades ago and I was not talking to myself nicely at all. So it was very much this like. Thought process of like hammer on myself in order to figure out the answer, which is not healthy. It actually doesn't. It keeps you stuck a lot more. And when I look back, I had a lot of that. And it comes from some from perfectionism and some from like like because it's like, how could you make that mistake? Those had like that kind of vibe, but it also just had more of a like applying pressure to it to make it work, which is ironic because in the horse industry, like training the horses, that hasn't been my approach. But my horse industry has been more of my like. Good head space, like when I'm with horses. The short answer is, after a few weeks of watching me beat myself up, Jesse walked through and said, Have you ever thought about showing at the reigning futurity? And then he, like, wisely kept on walking.

Speaker1:
Like, it was like he just, like, dropped the question on the way through the room because I definitely probably looked like. And there is even when I'm really frustrated or stuck like that, which happens a lot less now that I've unwired some of the things like that I didn't see as habits before. But when he dropped that on me, one thing I've always been able to do, and it's one of the reasons why I'm really good with horses, is that I like trying to see things from different angles. So, like, when a horse offers something that is even like undesirable or what's even more complicated, they offer you something. You've been teaching them, but you didn't ask for it. And you're like, But when they offer something, I'm always like, Well, this is probably the reason why they're offering it, but it also could be this or this or this. And that's just the way my brain really works well around horses is like I'm always giving them the benefit of the doubt and I'm trying to get the angle on the way that they're thinking. Because once I really start to see their pattern of thinking, then then my training gets really fast because their horses in general have a similarity, but they each have their own little unique.

Speaker1:
Like when I talk about, you know, Gabby being on the lazy side and Willow being on the hot side, those influence, that thought pattern. Well, I've definitely got my finger on it now. But back then, like even when people would offer me something, I've my mom literally is the one that taught me to do it. Like when? So when Jesse offered me that, despite the fact that I was like, really drowning in some stuff, there was enough of my brain to be like. What if what he's offering has merit? And I can do that with my own self now too. And I always could do it with with the horses. But like if somebody says something to me, so if I come on a call like this and you say something to me like I don't, even if I have a ton of experience, I literally want to hear you from your angle to see if you're offering something else. Maybe. Maybe I even get to learn something about the way you ask the question. And and but then again, it probably either like reinforces something I believe or or it brings up a doubt or a weak spot or some area that I need to look at.

Speaker1:
So when Jesse said that to me, there was like, I didn't have that instant. Like, no, you know what I mean? Like, because that's like, that's more years of like learning to listen to like multiple angles. So that's a little bit why I'm saying to you like, look at your five year dream because that's you looking at one angle. Look at your three day possibilities. That's looking at another angle. Walk away. Feel what it feels like because for me, like, that's when I'll feel the more subtle emotions of like, Oh, why is that? Like. It's like, do I have a little bit of bubbling excitement and a little bit of like reservation? Like, what is that combination? And then I start finding the edge of it. But so. I'll say it this way and then I'll wrap up. I think it's really fascinating because I've watched myself do it with horses over and over again. So like Willow. Every time I get to the point where I say I think I've reached the max with her. There's a part of my brain that believes that, and there's a part of my brain that says, But what if there's more? And it's just in a different angle?

Speaker3:
I love that.

Speaker1:
So I go do dressage or I go do and I go do like the bridle side, go do the liberty. And I get like, I go to the dressage and I go, I think I've hit the wall with the dressage. And then my brain's like, But there's another part of my brain and it's literally like it's like a healthy version of self doubt because my brain is like, just like with the podcast, Oh, absolutely. This is a terrible idea and definitely you should be done at 100. Well, that that ability to question yourself and be like, so I've always with the horses, I feel drawn to the horses and I think a lot of people on here would understand that feeling because like, why do we like horses when a lot of our family members are like, why horses? So like, there's a drawn to the horses. So that's the piece that I let say. But what if there's more? And then I kind of listen to that piece, even if it sounds that even if it sounds like a Disney movie that's asking you, I'm like, fine, we'll turn on some music and go play with liberty stuff and I'll stay safe and I'll keep my horse safe. And so, Willow, I keep unlocking more and more things with Willow that if you had. Made me have to have an answer. Five years ago, it would have been a limit on her and me. Yeah..

Speaker3:
Yeah.. And I think what if there's more ties into what I'm thinking? Because I'm sort of just on the edge getting started in a few different areas, wondering how to be specific and how to be open. But it allows me to enter into all of the things that I'm curious about with that goal of finding more. Yeah. So yeah, it's actionable, but it's also sort of what I'm, what I'm needing to move forward still like. Yeah.

Speaker1:
Yeah. And, and do hear the part where I keep running up to the edge of what I think is like, that's it. So it's not like I do it and I never hit the edge of that's it. Like I take her to a certain level and I'm like, You, me, Willow, Like if they give us another six on our extensions, like I'm just going to pull my hair out like we've I can ride it every other way. And then I'm like, oh, wait a minute. Maybe that's all she's capable of, is a six in that area. But maybe there's other areas that can And sometimes I put it down and it's just me putting it down because I just don't feel like hearing them say it again. So it's not like it's not like I when when what if it what if there's more? When that whispers, there's usually like 90% of me that's like, No, there isn't anything. And then there's just that little whisper. I'm just good at being like, I will entertain you little whisper after I go have a cup of coffee, a nap and take a month off from that sport and just go trail ride like Yeah.. So I'm not just to be absolutely clear, it's not like I'm moving through this like just smoothly because I figured it all out.

Speaker1:
But there is an art to listening to the whisper. I hope in that audio clip you were able to hear. How there is almost a strength building, but in the emotional or mindset side of doing anything and the better you get at this emotional lifting. One of my examples was podcasting. When you do something over and over again and you build up that muscle, that strength, it becomes not only easier to do that one thing, but it also becomes more familiar the next time that you hit that resistance. So the tough spot is if you hit a wall or get derailed and you haven't been practicing some type of emotional weight lifting or emotional resiliency. And so the ability to recover is much more challenging if you aren't in this habit practicing thought pattern habits in small things leads to the ability to be able to recover or keep going when bigger things happen. Now, this second clip is from someone whose horse was just diagnosed with something that makes her unrideable. So now we're jumping from the mental side of it where we can get wrapped up in our own minds to the hard circumstance of this door is closed.

Speaker4:
How do you. I know you have many. Or at least you have. Um, and my mayor, she has hyoid syndrome they've just discovered, and it's not going to get any better. So her, um, the progress we were trying to make has come to a halt that, you know, we won't be really writing anymore, so. But she's only just 17 now. And, um, how do you stay motivated, for instance, like, for you with your minis, um, to know that you're not going to be writing, um, that I want to be able to do things on the ground with her to kind of, you know, because we have a relationship and, um, but I feel like, you know, I want to ride my other horse who I can still ride. Um, but I want to be with Jules. I want. How do you find the motivation to continue on a path? That is completely different than you thought it was going to be. Yeah.. Does that make sense?

Speaker1:
Think it does. Let me let me try answering it, and we'll see. But, um. So for me, I think again, like when I've been in situations that were similar to that, I allow myself that like mourning period, that sadness. I allow that like, like I remember I made a mistake showing a horse, but it was a it's like I was showing and it was a maturity. So you can only do that when they're three years old, like and then it's like you don't get that chance again. And I remember when I wrote an article about it for America's Horse, I, I titled it Death of a Dream. And the editor said, Does that seem a little strong? Like, And I was like, No, no, that doesn't feel strong at all. Like if you have a dream and then it ends, it feels like a little death. Like literally I'm moving through the stages of grief, like in denial, like, like I'm going through all of the stages. Not to the same level as like, when I've had a death of a human or a horse. But. But it's still I think there's a vibe there of it. And so in that, like when I say that, the reason I say that is because even with like the, the idea that a death of a dream, I think that it's natural to have like that transition period that could be like the mourning. And then you can look at it almost like a rebirth of like a new dream that will come. So I think that's a little bit what's different. Like you buy a mini and you're like, Well, I'm probably just doing groundwork where and but I appreciate the angle from that because it also shows you that you can literally approach from that side.

Speaker1:
But I think the first step is to like recognize there was that dream. But then I think then there has to become like this curiosity. And I think for me that feels like a rebirth of the idea with that, with a with a horse very similar to what I was saying with Willow. When I say when I said, you know, it feels like I've run to the edge of what like, okay, this is as far as we can go in this thing and it feels like an end. And then I'm like, But what if. You know. And so in that what if whispers like, you might find that it's, you know, you might find that it's liberty work or you might find that it's different things. But I remember recording a podcast a long time ago, something about I want to say I titled it something about like. Failing your horse or something like that. And I just remember saying I very clearly have a baseline for my horses and my baseline is not nearly as high as what people would think. Like it's like if they are fed and their health needs are met, I don't put a lot of pressure on myself. So I've got a I've got, um, I did a lot with Mocha, but I've got another mini that I went to look at and he was just in terrible shape and in a terrible condition and like situation. And I was like, Oh, buddy, I just need to get you out of here.

Speaker1:
Like, no purpose. When I got back into cell phone service, my husband was like, So did you buy him? And I said, Yeah. And he goes, Oh, great, That means he matches. I'm like, No, he's not the right height. I just had to get him out of there. So he's sort of like my accidental purchase mini. So that meant that he basically walked in without much of a purpose. And so he's good to be around. His health care is like, I've spent tons of money on his health care. He's now got like great dental and vaccinations and all kinds of other stuff going on. But he essentially doesn't know nearly as much as what people would assume because Stacy Westfall owns him. But I don't put that pressure on myself. I'm not like, Well, everybody on here has to be like high performers. I'm like, No, right? We're just cute. You're really cute. Like. Like his training level is such that you can easily trim his feet and vaccinate him. The vet even was complimentary on my minis all being behaved. Um, and so I think it's that that I think it's that reinvention of like what would make you curious and playful to do with her that fits within those limits. And I'm always surprised by how creative I can get with that because it's like, you know, teaching one to side pass over a pole, standing five feet in front of them, teaching them some of the different liberty things, teaching them like said, silly things like where to stand or like how to move a certain foot. Yeah. can get a kick out of some of that stuff.

Speaker4:
Well, I appreciate that and kind of giving me permission to mourn what is not going to be, you know, um. Is helpful. And I've been trying to stay motivated and positive even in my thinking because, you know, I will eventually get a much younger horse and thinking, okay, I can do things with jewels that I will transfer to, you know, learn from her that I can transfer to another horse. Um, but. Yeah, that's a good thought pattern to realize. Yeah, it is. It is a death of a dream for sure with her. Um, because it's just not going to be what I thought it was going to look like. And, um. Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that. And to think of things that I can do because I have done a lot of groundwork with her, but to think of things that I can teach her or, um. Be curious about how she can do different things. Yeah.

Speaker1:
Yeah. I think I think the recognizing that like that morning like for me it like it's so similar like I'll I'll like I'll still have little flashbacks to like, you know different things where like when my stud died that's the Willow's dad there's I just remember I just remember like when we moved here, we didn't have lights in the indoor and I was riding her around and I looked down and she's got such a similar like, profile that he was a he was a dark bay, but in the dark because it was getting dark out. And so I could still ride because I could see the walls. But like, but I looked down and it like, caught my breath because it had like the his profile there and in the dark, like because she's got the black mane and then in the darkness, like her color changed like had that change. And so I think I think even just like, like literal, actual, like death can have those little moments that grab you. Like there's for me, like when I've had moments of things that I thought I was going to do or wanted to do or whatever. I have those little grabby moments like of disappointment or whatever it is right up with that. But again, it's just like, wow. One of my favorite thoughts around that when I have that moment is like, Wow, I really wanted that. Yeah, it's like self-compassion. It's like, wow. Like, I really wanted Vaccaro to live for another 15 years. I really wanted to do like when I say do things with him, I wanted to share him with people. I don't want it to be like, This is what a plus one and a half spin feels like.

Speaker1:
You should get on and try it. It's like there were there were just like, because that's because I do look five years out and ten years out. Like there were things that I wanted on all kinds of different levels. And so the fact that it grabs me every once in a while, but the one I'll leave you with is when you like. It's always fun when whenever I say like, I've done a lot of groundwork, I've done a lot of things. Again, I have that little whisper. What if what if you could take what you've done with her? And literally it's nothing changes like you. It's the same stuff you've done. What if what you do with her right now can actually be done ten times more detailed? Yeah. like to where when you go to take one step like her foot matches and you can stop and back that you can that you can that you can move and she moves like like but it's super detailed work. And I find that whenever I ask that question, I can move into like such a level of detail that it's very, um, like I said to the horses, I think it's like it might be like their love language because they are so good at like they can tell when somebody wrinkles a nostril, you know, if they're, if they're like, they can see so much that we don't tend to stop. And really. Acknowledge. And when you slow down, man, she could still be your best teacher. Yeah.. Not in the way you're thinking of it. Yeah. So.

Speaker4:
Great. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate you.

Speaker1:
You're very welcome. I'll repeat the question from the beginning of the podcast one more time. What do you do with your horse? Goals and dreams when life brings it to a halt. I hope these audio clips have helped you to see that there are different ways that it can appear that life brings things to a halt. When I find myself in one of these circumstances. Some of the things that help me stay on track are accepting the facts that are on the table, whether that is my broken hand or a fact, like a vet diagnosing the horse, being unrideable. I like to separate and accept the facts and then I allow for the emotions. Then. I like to anchor back into my dream because my dream is a direction, not a point of arrival. So even under the toughest of circumstances, like when my horse vaquero died. A door definitely closed. With that horse. But I can still continue moving in the direction of my dream. Thanks for listening. I'll talk to you again in the next episode.

Speaker2:
If you enjoy listening to Stacy's podcast, please visit Stacy westfall.com for articles, videos and tips to help you and your horse succeed.

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1 Comments

  1. Roz on April 8, 2023 at 12:36 am

    This is so me – I guess the mindset is my age not just that but I find I just can’t do as much – things seem to take longer. You haven’t experienced this yet Stacy but at 71 it appears even 10 years is a big change even if I don’t want to accept that.
    My horse is also 21 this year and although not lame, has an injury I have to be aware of – no jumping or eventing which are our passions. Well mine anyway – his is probably eating. So we have done various disciplines over the years – working equitation the more recent for several years but it doesn’t really ring my bell. So I have been STUCK for some time and your podcast seems very apt. We are looking at ranch riding, maybe stockman’s challenge, liberty, tricks, clicker training. There has to be something outbthere.
    Another problem is driving big distances- my problem because worry if get tired etc. We do trail riding too of course.
    Now the big thing is do I get another horse??
    So many decisions especially as have 2 shetlands – one of which I am
    Teaching to drive or would like to. So it comes down to good old time management which obviously I am not good at!
    I ought to look at your goal setting again!!
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated- Happy trails
    Roz 🐣. Happy Easter 🐣 to you Stacy 🐎👍🙏🥰

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