Episode 209_ The teacher and the student (human or horse).mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Stacy Westfall:
Now that we've looked at the human-human examples, let's look at the human-horse example, because there is one big difference.
Announcer:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacey Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple: to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.
Stacy Westfall:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall and I help riders become resourceful. In this episode, I want to illustrate a point that applies in any teacher-student relationship. This means that what I'm about to say is happening when you're a student learning from a teacher and when you are the teacher. This is at work in human, teacher, student, student-teacher roles, and it's at work when you are teaching your horse. But first, a story. So we can all spend a moment seeing the situation through the same example. I remember one time my son came home from school with a really funny story. His teacher asked the class to write down instructions on how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. After the students had done this, she then took their directions and followed them. Exactly. She had a loaf of bread, a jar of jelly, a jar of peanut butter, a knife, all the things that she needed sitting on her desk at the front of the class. She began following the instructions on the first piece of paper, and it said, Put the peanut butter on the bread. So the teacher placed the entire jar of peanut butter on top of the unopened loaf of bread. As you could imagine, the class cracked up. And it continued, put the jelly on the bread. So she placed the jar of jelly beside the jar of peanut butter on top of the unopened loaf of bread. By the time the teacher was done, she had made her point.
Stacy Westfall:
Clearly, the students had not added enough instruction for someone who really didn't know what to do to be able to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Now imagine the same scenario, but this time really detailed instructions are given. Open the loaf of bread and remove two slices. Set them on a plate. Close the bread and set the loaf aside. As this continues on, can you hear where there's an opportunity to think, I already know this? And maybe even the chance to claim that you're being talked down to. This is what I want to talk about today. Have you ever had someone slow down to explain something to you and you felt like you were being talked down to? Depending on how and where you experience this maybe you interrupted them to tell them this, or maybe you smiled while internally you were thinking, Do they think I'm stupid? This is the question I have for you in this moment. Who is causing the negative emotion? Is the teacher causing it by going into detail? Or is the student causing it by what they're making that detail mean? How many times have you heard the statement? There are no stupid questions. It's a really common saying because it's a common problem. Students fearing to ask because they don't want to appear stupid. But I actually want you to jump over to the other side for a minute and imagine if the teacher assumes the students know something. It makes sense that the teacher is more likely to skip steps. That's what happened in the peanut butter and jelly story. The kids who wrote the instructions in this moment became the teacher and they simplified and assumed that whoever was reading it would open the jar of peanut butter and spread the peanut butter on the single piece of bread. They didn't go into detail. The real trouble starts in human relationships when the teacher and the student begin worrying about how the other person might feel. If the teacher is afraid that they might sound like they're talking down to a student, then that teacher is more likely to skip steps. Operating from the idea that they don't want to, "make the student feel stupid." But it's interesting. One student might be thankful for the added detail, while another might actually have the thought, This teacher must think I'm stupid. I believe that both the student and the teacher have responsibility in the relationship. The teacher's job is to see the value in explaining each step. Even the basics and the student's job is to remain open to learning and relearning each step as well as asking questions.
Stacy Westfall:
This is on my mind because of something that I felt the other day while I was teaching, and I actually felt it before I was teaching. So here's how it went. I was planning a call with my students and during the planning I felt myself hesitate and the feeling was a sensation of slightly holding my breath that I would label apprehension. So I'm sitting alone in my office planning the Zoom call, and I'm planning on going into depth on a certain subject. And I'm getting this feeling of apprehensive. I was able to figure out that what was going on was I wanted to ask a specific student if I could coach her in detail. And some of that detail was going to include taking a closer look at the basics. And I was feeling apprehensive because I was anticipating the possibility that the student might think that I was talking down to her by going back to the basics. The good news is I was able to recognize all of this thought process and these feelings before I interacted with anyone. But it got me thinking about how easy it is for either the teacher or the student to change their behavior to avoid certain emotions. And that got me thinking about how this could show up when we're training a horse. But first, let me finish this example. So because I had become aware of this thought process in me, what was really interesting is I saw the entire call that I did from a completely different viewpoint. I saw all the opportunities that I had where I could think something was going wrong. And then that gave me the view of all the moments where students had the same choice. So during the call, I asked questions of the students that caused them to think. And if you've ever been in a conversation with someone and they paused to think, thinking often sounds like silence. And then on top of it, thanks to Zoom, I'm also aware that when I think sometimes I make faces. So I imagine this might happen for other people. So in the silence maybe even people are making some thinking faces. Imagine how people can fill in the blanks with all kinds of thoughts, like maybe the student would be thinking, I should be able to answer this better, I should be able to answer this faster. I should be able to be more thorough or whatever comes to their mind. And if either the teacher or the student pauses and has that blank look or that face that they make when they're in thought, can you see how the student could react when they see that or hear that hesitation and how the teacher could react if they see that or hear that hesitation? Now, keep in mind that because I was able to see this loop before the call then what happened was I was able to see all these opportunities without participating in them during the call, without causing them. I was aware that they existed and therefore they became visible to me in the call simply because I was aware, but also because I was aware. I was able to choose not to react there. The reason I point this out is because it's a skill that you can practice in your human relationships and then transfer to training your horse. You might have heard me in previous podcasts talking about the idea of 200% responsibility. My idea there is that one of my goals is to get the rider to 100% responsibility and the horse to 100% responsibility. The conversation I'm talking about right now between teacher and student is an example of 200% responsibility in the teacher-student relationship. The teacher showing up 100% and allowing the students to show up 100%. Let's go another layer deeper. Imagine the teacher goes into great detail or back to the basics and the student gets upset. And we're going to go as far as saying that the student says out loud to the teacher, Do you think I'm stupid? If the teacher remains calm and truly believes that what they're offering is needed, then the teacher doesn't react. They just respond with explaining why they chose this. Now imagine if the student is silent and thinking. And the teacher panics. In this case, the teacher is assuming that the silence is bad and changes their behavior. Even if the silence is because the student is upset, the teacher who's open to the experience doesn't panic. They will allow the student to ask the question or to have the experience.
Stacy Westfall:
Now that we've looked at the human-human examples, let's look at the human-horse example, because there is one big difference. The horse won't worry about what you think. They will just keep asking questions. So as your horse's teacher. Are you adding enough detail? Or do your instructions have the jar of peanut butter sitting on top of the unopened loaf of bread? The way that you're going to know this is that eventually, if the instructions are not clear, the student, in this case, your horse, will ask clarifying questions. And remember, horses ask questions with their physical responses. Let's pretend you want to ride across a stream and you ride up to the water and ask the horse to walk through it. If your horse offers backing up or turning left or right when you ask them to go forward, those are questions. Many unwanted behaviors in horses are questions. So when your horse asks that question, are you the teacher who is open, doesn't panic, and sees this as an opportunity to add more detail for the student? Or go back to a previous lesson to clarify? Or do you resist going back to the basics? There is an excellent chance that you might be both the teacher and the student at the same time. You could be the teacher training the horse and also a student learning from someone and then applying the teaching the next time you're with the horse. And if that's true, then as both the teacher and the student, it's important to consider the challenges that both face. Basically, I'm saying separate your experience as the student who's learning and look at that. And then look at how you're showing up as the teacher. A good student is going to ask questions until they have clarity. And that could be you asking questions of your teacher to gain more clarity. Or it could be your student, your horse, asking you questions that indicate that you need to repeat a lesson because they don't completely understand the concept. Horses are great like that. They're just going to keep on asking. I'll wrap up by saying this. Teachers do the hard work of reviewing the basics when needed. Resist the thought that you're talking down to the student. If you think less of them, then you are talking down to them. If you believe what you're teaching will help them understand more, then you're not talking down to them. Students ask the questions that occur to you without prejudging them yourself. If you think this is too basic, this is too simple, I'll sound stupid for asking, those are examples of pre-judging your questions. Ask the question. Invite the teacher to teach you whatever they feel necessary. Review the basics. Let go of the idea that someone who reviews the basics with you is somehow passing judgment on you. In human relationships, a lot of this is people pleasing. The good news is that your horse will not worry about appearing stupid and will continue to ask the questions, which will give you the opportunity to practice becoming a better teacher and if you're learning from someone, a better student.
Stacy Westfall:
If you would like to practice becoming a better student and a great teacher, I invite you to join my Resourceful Rider program. You'll have the opportunity to attend weekly live Zoom calls with me where you can raise your hand and come on live and ask your question. I will answer it, but a lot of your learning will come from being able to hear all the thoughts your mind offers and all the feelings that come along with raising your hand and asking me a question live. You'll have the opportunity to learn from that first-hand experience, but you'll also be able to learn from watching and listening to other students who do this. Donna, one of my students said it best in this success story. She wrote, This success story is written to all my Resourceful Rider course mates. Thank you, everyone, for demonstrating your strength of character so I could succeed by following your examples. You characterize bravery, confidence, transparency, emotional maturity, determination, transformability, kindness, humility, and I could go on and on. Thank you. Thanks, Donna, for sharing that. It is a wonderful list that I completely agree with. Thanks to all of you for listening and I'll talk to you again in the next episode.
Announcer:
If you enjoy listening to Stacey's podcast, please visit stacywestfall.com for articles, videos, and tips to help you and your horse succeed.
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