Episode 208: Reflecting to reveal your pattern of choices.

Episode 208_ Reflecting to reveal your pattern of choices..mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Episode 208_ Reflecting to reveal your pattern of choices..mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Stacy Westfall:
It makes it easier for me to realize that I plan, but then there are going to be events that happen in the story that I wasn't able to predict.

Announcer:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill, this is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple: to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.

Stacy Westfall:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall and I help riders become resourceful. In this episode, I want to present an idea to you, something you can take action on that will set you up for noticeable change a year from now. If you have listened to the podcast around January any of the previous years, you probably remember that I like to talk about goals and planning every January. This year, I thought I would share with you what I do in November and December to set myself up for that transformational planning in January. But first, a question for you. If I ask you to reflect back on your life, let's say, the last ten years. What container, what view of it, makes the most sense to you? So if you look back over the last ten years, would you replay that like a movie in your head? Or would you see it more as scrapbook pages where you have moments in time that are captured in photos and small items? Or would you view it as a book? And if you view it as something like a book, is it one long book from the time you were born till now, or would you view it as multiple books? And if it's multiple books or even one book with chapters, how do you divide those chapters? Do you divide them by the month or by the year or by the events? You may not have an immediate answer. So take a few minutes and think about it. I have posed this question many times, and one that sticks out in my mind was sitting at the Cowgirl Hall of Fame induction ceremony, and we were sitting around a table and talking about it and it led to a really fascinating discussion of how differently we all choose to view it if questioned like this. And the reason I think it's a really useful thing for you to think about is that once you answer what type of media you would view it from, if you want to look at it like that, like book, movie, what would it be? If you put it into some kind of a context like that, I think it becomes a lot easier to look back and view it from different angles. So for me, I view my life in books and chapters. Yes, more than one book. And that means that when I'm planning ahead into the future, the way that I think about it is it's almost like I imagine when I was back in school and I'm kind of making a rough outline. But then I also know even when I was in school, you knew the rough outline wasn't going to be exactly what the project looked like when it was done. And so for me, this makes a lot of sense that I would be able to look forward using a framework like that and that when I looked back at the finished project, the outline of the book, project, and then the actual finished book, they're different. And knowing this actually helps me when I go back to think about the full book and how I ended up where I did.

Stacy Westfall:
So although I plan things out every year, meaning you're going to hear me talk about my plans in January and then I'm going to go execute those plans and then I'm going to reflect on that in November and then I'm going to be dreaming about what I want to do the next year in December, and then I'm going to plan it in January and I'm going to go execute it. Even though I'm setting that up in my mind as those calendar months, one thing I know when I look back at the books that I view my life as happening in, they almost never begin and end January to December. For example, to me, my high school years, that's like one book in my life. And when I left that part of my life, I feel like that book ended. But I've got like a whole series of books going on in my life. And that is just a useful thing for me because it helps me know how I'm going to look back and what to expect. And it also helps me understand that when I'm looking forward, I'm not supposed to have the finished view of the book when I start the outline. So whether you view it as a movie and you could go through all of what I just told you kind of from a director's angle or an actor's angle, you could be one of those actor/director people. When you do that, what you'll start to do–at least this is how it works for me–it makes it easier for me to realize that I plan. But then there are going to be events that happen in the story that I wasn't able to predict. Just for an example, this last summer we had a tornado pass within a quarter mile of our house. And that's not something that normally happens. I've never been anywhere near this level of tornado damage. I think they've come around, but I've never seen anything like this. We didn't have any major damage on our property, but a quarter mile over, it was like, it's just gone. Like the trees, the whole the trails that I ride on, they're no longer the same. They've been completely changed. Even when they went in with the dozer, they just weren't able to bring them back to where they were. They just changed the direction of them because there was so much damage. So even though we didn't have major damage, it changed the way that my planned story unfolded because trail riding became not an option in the way that I had planned it. So that wasn't in my January plan. But now when I go back and I look at my review of the year, I now can see how, oh, this is the story I thought was going to unfold. This is what I had in my outline. This is what really did unfold. So for me, November is a time for looking back. November is the month that I consistently reflect on the last year and the things that happened that I planned and that were unplanned. And that is when I decide what I'm going to make all of it mean. Reflecting is different than simply remembering. They're really similar in this way. You have to remember to then be able to reflect because reflecting is looking back at the experiences you had and making sense of them, giving them a meaning, and choosing from your current point of view what that past event meant. Another way to say it would be if you're looking back so that you can learn and challenge your thoughts about what happened. That's some of the work that makes it reflecting versus simply remembering.

Stacy Westfall:
So let me put this into an example to try to make it more clear. I went to the Western Dressage World Show in 2019 and I did a YouTube video series building up to that, which, by the way, is a really good way to look at what you're thinking if you capture it in that way, which would be in video. So I made a video series leading up to the World Show that year, and then I was at The World Show, and then I came back from the World Show home and I was reflecting. So the experience of the show was different than my reflection of the same show. So the experience is part of the reflection. But when I'm reflecting on that show, what I was doing was I was looking at the decisions that led me to go to the show. I was looking at the actions that I took leading up to the show. And at the show I can remember when I think back to the emotions that I felt while I was at the show. I remember the outcome of the show, and because I'm at this future point, I can look back and I can think, What could I have done differently and why did I choose to do what I did? And this is where it comes with a warning. I have this urge to explain that when you look back and you think, what could I have done differently? It is possible to ask that question without beating yourself up doing it. You don't have to regret your decisions to be able to learn from them. What I've learned is that by doing this process regularly, when I ask myself the question, what could I have done differently? Why did I choose to do what I did? What starts to come out of that? It's actually less about that moment and more about a pattern of the way that I make decisions. For example, when you look back at your decision-making process. Do you tend to choose the shorter path? Do you tend to choose the harder path? Do you tend to choose the faster path? Can you see where I'm going here? So that reflection is less about judging that choice in the moment. It's more about looking back and saying, Oh, I can see where there are multiple choices. How did I decide that one? Because I've been doing this for many years another thing that has been revealed to me is that I'm aware of my tendency to want to rush through reflecting. So reflecting can be a really fun thing to do. But I also still feel a little bit of a desire to rush through it. And I think that is because I did used to look back and judge myself for making a right or a wrong decision. And so I think somewhere in my brain there's this little whisper of, we already know what happened. We don't need to look back. We already know. Let's look ahead, keep going. And so I think that is a little bit of a reaction to my old habit of regretting beating myself up the way that I spoke to myself in the past. But because I've done the work of sitting down and looking at the possible choices and the choice I made and why I made that choice, it's now actually broken the habit of judging myself. And it's actually given me the power to understand the way I make decisions, which then gives me the power to decide if I like the way I make decisions, or if I'd like to do it from a different perspective. I like reflecting in November because November is typically when my riding season shifts because of the physical seasons around where I live. Plus, here in the United States, we celebrate Thanksgiving in November. So the idea of reflecting on what you're thankful for is kind of built into the culture. And I use that as a little reminder.

Stacy Westfall:
So here are some of the questions that I ask myself and what I want you to listen for. I'm going to read them in a general way that almost is reflective of the whole year. And then I'm going to read them modified to a specific event because I want you to get a sense of the idea that this is a little bit of a big picture summary. And also you can use the same exact idea and zoom in on specific time periods that happened during the year. So some of the questions that I ask myself are how did I plan to spend my time last year? How did I actually spend my time last year? What would I like to spend more time on next year? What would I like to spend less time on next year? What would I like more of next year? What would I like less of next year? Looking back at the year, did it mostly unfold the way that I expected and hoped and planned, or not? How am I measuring this result? How would I have answered this question six months ago? In five years? How much will this matter? That's the more broad way that I would think about the year in general. But to make it a little bit more clear, I would actually go back and I would pick some major points and I would reflect on a different version of these questions, but aimed at specific things that happened during the year. So let's go back and use the Western Dressage World show. So the questions could be tweaked into, how did I decide to go to the world show? Do I want to do more things like this next year? Or do I want to show less next year? If I do show next year, what interests me? Why? If I don't show, what would I do instead with that time? When I look back at the show, did it unfold mostly the way that I expected, hoped, planned? How am I measuring this? How would I have answered this before the show? How did I answer this during the show? Five years from now, how much will this show matter? What I hope you can see is how these questions challenge me to think about the person that I was when I was making the plans, the person that I was when I was doing the plan, in this case, The World Show, and the person that I am now as I look back at what I did.

Stacy Westfall:
If you're listening to this and you're thinking that maybe you didn't plan as much as it sounds like I did, one of the ways you can actually challenge that thought, which turns into a reflection in itself, is by going back through and looking at photos that you've taken over the last year. I find that looking through my photo album for the year is really revealing because there are times that I don't remember certain things but when I go back through and I look at my photo albums, if it meant something to me enough to take a photo, then it's worth reflecting on what was going on at that time period. And so I actually find that to be a really useful way to question how did I end up doing this particular thing? So even if you don't think you proactively planned ahead, as much as it might sound like I do, you can still do exactly the same thing. I came across this student success story this week while I was preparing for the podcast, and it fits so perfectly that I want you to listen and hear how this student is doing the process of reflecting that I was just talking about.

Stacy Westfall:
Dear Stacy, it was snowing today, so I sat down and rewatched the videos that I've been making every month since February. With the recent emphasis in the program on self-evaluation, I thought this would be a good exercise. As I watched, I saw a transformation unfold. In many respects, I can't believe that we are the same creatures now that we were in February. I speak for myself and my three horses. The horses look different. They look more confident, more rhythmic, more relaxed, and more flexible. They look like they enjoy what they are doing. I look like a better rider. My hand position and use is better. My legs are working. My overall seat and demeanor are better and I look like I'm with my horses. But beyond what I can see, I know that it all feels so much different than it did back in January. The videos are irrefutable proof of the progress we've made. As I sit in awe over these accomplishments, I'm struck by how it all came to be. It is you, Stacy. It is you teaching us. It is us becoming aware and consciously changing ourselves as we change and grow. Our horses experience the change in us. We are not so much training the horses as we are training ourselves. The horses are changing in response to our new way of being. I can clearly see that when my horses aren't getting it, it's because I'm not giving them what they need to get it. This year has been an exercise in building and growing over time. I'm so thankful for my new awareness. You've shown us the power of our thoughts in creating our feelings. Our horses then sense those feelings and react to them. Subtle shifts in the body are read by our sensitive and intuitive forces. I'm awed by how much you understand about how horses and humans work. I'm thankful that you care enough about horses to teach humans. The horses are truly a mirror for us. Watching the video is like looking at ourselves in two mirrors. There are still so many things to do and so many things to learn. But you've opened up this whole world for me, and I'm grateful. Sheila.

Stacy Westfall:
Thank you, Sheila, for helping me illustrate my point about the power of reflecting. The transformations that students have been making inside the program over the last year has been so rewarding to be a part of. If you're interested, you can learn more about the program over on my website. And while you're there, sign up for my email list. I have some special bonuses that I'll be announcing soon and people on my email list always hear about things first. And I want to tell you one final thought as I close. You can always go back to any event in the past and look at how it impacts you now. Sometimes it amazes me how the smallest things create huge changes further down the road. Sometimes you'll see this reflected in a small change that you do every single day. And other times it will be one question or one choice. That happens that when you look back, you didn't realize at the moment, but you realize now that it changed the entire direction of your life. I will never forget the day that I sat in my high school math class and the teacher asked, What do you want to do when you graduate? I had no idea that his question was going to change my life, but it did, and I'm forever grateful. Thanks for listening and I'll talk to you again in the next episode.

Announcer:
If you enjoy listening to Stacy's podcast, please visit stacywestfall.com for articles, videos, and tips to help you and your horse succeed.

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