Episode 284: How Riders Can Avoid These 3 Self-Created Obstacles

Episode 284_ How Riders Can Avoid These 3 Self-Created Obstacles.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Episode 284_ How Riders Can Avoid These 3 Self-Created Obstacles.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Stacy Westfall:
So while it's true that sometimes things will be physically hard. Maybe there needs to be equal airtime given to, and sometimes it's easy. How in the world can that be possible? It can be possible because no matter where you're at on your journey, there are parts of it that have gotten easier.

Announcer:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.

Stacy Westfall:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall and I'm here to help you understand, enjoy and successfully train your own horses. In this episode, I want to share with you three ways riders make the process of learning how to train their own horses harder than it needs to be. I have worked with thousands of riders over the years in all different stages of learning and training their horses, and this gives me a unique vantage point. And I've noticed several ways that riders make things harder than they need to be. So the first question that came to my mind was, why would we make something harder than it needs to be? So before I googled it, I answered the question myself and then I googled it. That's a great way to sharpen your own skills. Answer it before you Google it. So here are my answers and then I'll share the Google results also. Then we'll get into the three specific ways that I see riders specifically doing this. So why would someone make something harder? Before I googled it, my first answer was they don't realize there's an easier way. Don't worry, I'm going to give you three things that can make it easier by the end of the podcast. And the second thing I came up with was fear. More specifically, I frequently see riders fearing that they are not good enough, that they started too late, that they didn't have the right kind of opportunities, that they won't have the right kind of opportunities. In short, it's a fear that they want this thing with their horse really, really want it.

Stacy Westfall:
But they also have a sense they'll never have it. And then this is where it gets a little tricky, because if you actually stop and think about it, which hurts more, trying to go for it and failing or not trying. Because if you actually think that it's more like a fact, fact, it wasn't meant for me. Fact I started too late. Fact I didn't have the right opportunities. If you change those into facts, it actually takes away the sting of not doing it so literally. I think people make things harder because it relieves a little bit of that fear of trying and failing, especially trying in something you want so much to have work. But if you actually pause for a minute and you think. It is meant for you. You didn't start too late and you do have the opportunities ahead of you. That's when the choice between trying and failing versus not trying at all. That's when the reality of it's actually going to be painful either way, because there is a pain of not taking the risk and doing it. Here's a pro tip if you are longing for something, it's worth pursuing. If you would tell a seven year old to go for it, tell the 70 year old version of yourself to go for it too. Absolutely. The path is going to look different at seven versus 70, but it doesn't make the path less worthy. If you truly believe that horsemanship is about the journey, then it's never too late and it's never too early to take the first step.

Stacy Westfall:
This is a total aside. If you have Netflix, there's a movie on there called Naiad. Naiad, and if you have avoided it like I did because the name didn't mean anything to me. If you have any age related doubts or you just want to watch a stunning true story, Google it and go watch Naiad. Amazing. Okay, now back on track. Remember I said I googled, why would we make something harder? And I've boiled the answers down to a few bullet points. Number one, making something harder is a difficult habit to break out of, so you basically can have the habit of making something harder. The most obvious reason why you would make something harder is that it gives you a way out. Sound familiar to one of mine? Another reason that came up thriving on drama. If you have a habit of using that flight or fight mechanism in the way that you approach something, you're much more likely to make it harder. Avoidance. If people manufacture a life where they're constantly busy working hard, feeling stressed, it's a perfect excuse for not achieving their dreams. It stems from a fear of failure, a fear of success. And basically the final one is the status quo is comfortable. Change is hard. So those are a few of the generic answers that Google gives. But now let's look at the three specific ways that I see riders making the process of learning how to train their own horses harder than it needs to be.

Stacy Westfall:
Number one. I see riders making things harder because they don't expose themselves to others who are doing the work. They don't expose themselves to others who are going through the struggle. They don't expose themselves to those who are also in process. And when you limit yourself, and let's say you Google things and you look at people at the top of their game, or you Google and look at a professional doing everything perfectly on their perfectly trained horse, it can give you the impression that you are very, very, very far away. So it's interesting to me that when people start exposing themselves to others who are at a similar stage, there is a lot of normalization that happens. So the easiest way to put this into words is to actually look at horse show examples, because at horse shows, people are often in categories by their level of experience. But I promise you, this happens everywhere in the horse world. And what I can see happen is that if you go and you watch a class of, we could call them Green Riders or Green Horse. So a beginner class, you will see the common beginner challenges. And those look completely different than let's say an intermediate or an advanced horse rider combo and their challenges. So by exposing yourself to others at a similar level, doing the same work, it can actually make the process easier because it normalizes the parts that are normally there as a normal struggle. Just the other day, inside my Resourceful Rider program, one of the students wrote in and said, I was putting together these videos for you to watch, and I was also thinking about the last zoom call with one of the reviews with a greener horse.

Stacy Westfall:
And as I rewatched my videos, I wasn't as discouraged watching it this time as I was prior to that zoom call. And when I hear a student report that I know that what's happening is before they saw the other students and they heard me explain, this is exactly what a greener horse should look like, they didn't realize that the wobbles that were happening are just a part of the normal process. So again, there is wisdom in exposing yourself to multiple levels. It's great to expose yourself to the next step up in the training, but it's also wise to look both before the stage you're at and after the stage you're at, as well as right in the stage you're at. That way, you'll be able to identify the challenges you've overcome already and the ones you're in right now and the ones you'll face in the future. Normalizing the challenge will actually feel like a weight has been lifted from you. The second way that riders often make the process harder is not separating the hard meaning the physically hard and mentally hard challenge, and not separating that from the hard of, let's say, suffering. So you may face something that's more physically challenging. Let me give you an example. If you have been listening to the podcast and you decided to sign up for the virtual Tevis Cup and ride 100 miles in 100 days, if you began increasing the number of hours or the number of miles that you're riding your horse, that would be a great example of experiencing something physically hard.

Stacy Westfall:
There's a difference between increasing the physical hard or increasing the mental hard. So there could be a mentally hard side to that challenge. If, for example, you were trying to overcome your fear of riding alone on the trails so you would have the physical challenge, and that would be the actual physical exertion of the energy to go out there and work longer or harder than you have before. And that would be different than the mental challenge of overcoming the challenge of the fear of riding alone and building the skills that you would need to be able to physically support your horse. For example, if the horse was feeling insecure, how are you going to do that with your reins, with your legs? How are you going to implement that in the moment? And there becomes a mentally hard level of challenge there also that is actually completely different. Then the hard of suffering and suffering comes in more on the way that we are thinking about the quote unquote hard. And that doesn't matter if it's the hard of the physical or the hard of learning something new. I'm actually going to drop in an audio right now where I was inside the resourceful rider teaching, and I was giving an example of this physical versus mental separation. And I want you to hear that right now.

Reese:
Can you think of an example like, I mean, I can think of a couple of things that come to mind for me, but can you think of an example of a time that you have, like specifically been in one emotional state and intentionally shifted into another emotional state, like, can you think of an example of a time that you've done that?

Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, I mean, I do it all the time. I was actually noticing the other day that, you know, I was coming in from the barn from I'm serious. I started doing math on how many buckets of milk I've carried out. Now, in my defense, they're sort of doubled because it's really hard to carry two five gallon buckets. So I've taken to carrying like making a five gallon, splitting it into two, two and a half gallons and carrying them. So I am carrying double because it's hard anyway, and I could feel myself slipping into this. I want to say it felt it's way too dramatic because I didn't bother to sit and name it, which is kind of an interesting thing, but it was feeling a little bit like despair and self-pity, like it was like I had that distinct vibe of like, ah, I'm doing this again or whatever. And I remember, I know how it feels in my body and there and my body was legitimately craving rest. And you could argue if you wanted to, like, factually, whatever. But I have enough in the gas tank to keep going, and rest is like 40 minutes away.

Stacy Westfall:
So at the so in that moment when I could feel that I could I literally I felt in my body first that like heaviness and that everything in me wanted to just head towards a couch or somewhere. Yes. And I took a deep breath and I was like, you totally can do this. You could do twice this much if you wanted to. You've done this all night long before you have done this so much. You could do this for three weeks straight. When the mini foal was getting ready to be born, I was waking up every hour. My friends were like, no, seriously, at some point you're going to injure yourself. I was like, I can do this. And I was like, in perspective, I've totally got this. And in a matter of 20s, I went from like shrinking down. But I knew that when I sat down, I wanted to finish strong and then sit down and then fully enjoy that part versus, yes, egging myself around for the last 40 minutes.

Reese:
Oh, that's so good. When you look at that situation, when you were feeling one way and shifting it. Yeah. How how for you, do you know the difference between making that shift intentionally and kind of like avoiding what you're feeling? So what's the difference for you when you're when you are shifting that you're not just saying like, oh, I don't want to feel this way. Like, how do you experience that differently?

Stacy Westfall:
Because I literally said, of course you feel this way.

Reese:
There's an acknowledgment.

Stacy Westfall:
There's an acknowledgment. Of course you feel this way. You actually are tired and you actually are hungry. And you actually have been doing this for a while, and none of it is to make it. It's not to make it worse. It's just to acknowledge, like, these are the circumstances that are happening right now. And I chose it. And that one didn't even have to fully enter the process, but it enters because I've done the full loop so much. And I think a lot of times the disconnect sometimes is like, if you're physically feeling tired and you're physically feeling hungry, which are sensations coming from your body? I'm not thinking a thought that's making me tired. I'm tired.

Reese:
Physically tired, yup.

Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, I haven't eaten, I'm hungry. And I think the confusion becomes it has been the coolest thing to be able to separate those. Because the whole reason we have a word called hangry is because someone learned to separate the two. Like you can be hungry and you can be angry and they will easily combine if you do not separate them. Or you can do the work of actually sitting with hunger and being like, oh, that's what hunger feels like. Yeah. And I'm okay. Okay, so in that audio clip, did you hear how I was separating the sensations coming from my body that were telling me that I was tired, or telling me that I was hungry, and I was separating that from that idea of despair or self-pity. And to get to that point, you have to do the work of actually understanding how each of these shows up differently. It's work worth doing when you can separate that out. The hard of the physical and the mental becomes much more easy. Now, if you want a slightly different flavor of this, go back and listen to episode 279, where I was talking with a student and I titled it The Pitfalls of Regret. In that episode, you'll hear a really subtle way that riders sometimes judge themselves that actually makes things harder. Remember, if we can stop making things harder than they need to be, we can actually make it feel easier as we recognize and let go of some of these habits.

Stacy Westfall:
The third way that I see riders make the process harder than it needs to be is assuming it will be hard and not letting it be both. Let it be hard and let it be easy. Listen to this little excerpt from a rider. It says. Usually I have a quote, grit my teeth and get through it attitude. I know that sometimes things are hard or hard work, but I know that quote, the only way is through. And on the other side of all that struggle and hard work is progress, growth, learning, and new skills. This is what I strive for because I love the feeling of getting to the other side of the struggle and achieving whatever the goal was. Okay, that is a beautiful example of something that can be true. Some times things are hard and some times hard work is what makes the process. But be sure that if you really identify with what I just read, be sure that you also spend equal time thinking and this could be easy. So here's the challenge I see if you're willing to own a horse. If your idea of fun is riding in the dirt, handling manure, being in the heat, being in the humidity, being in the cold, you have some grit. This industry is not for the faint of heart, but grit can become a familiar emotional state. And if you go back to episode 271, I talked with a rider in that episode who realized she was locked into one emotional state and it was showing up in her body, and it was reflecting in the way that her horse was behaving.

Stacy Westfall:
And the same thing can be true with this grit my teeth. Sometimes things are hard. Sometimes that actually becomes braced for hard in your body. And when it shows up in your body like that, there's a good chance it's going to show up in your horse. So while it's true that sometimes things will be physically hard. Maybe there needs to be equal airtime given to. And sometimes it's easy. How in the world can that be possible? It can be possible because no matter where you're at on your journey, there are parts of it that have gotten easier that could be putting a halter on a horse, that could be leading your horse from point A to point B, it could be any of these quote unquote, smaller things you're not giving yourself credit for. There are easy moments. The easy moments could literally be the moments in between. But if you don't start focusing on and then this piece was easy, if you continually overlook it, you'll be focused on the hard. You'll be looking for the growth and looking for the learning, but you'll be doing it all through the lens of hard. And what I want you to think about is that if you can actually let it be hard, and that you can let it be easy, that will also start to reflect in your horse. That's one of my favorite things about training my horses, is that I can bring up that energy of determination, and Willow will step up with me, and we will both go with determination.

Stacy Westfall:
And I can take a deep breath, and I can lower myself into relaxation, and she can take a breath and lower herself into relaxation. And no, it doesn't mean we always match. If she's in the middle of something fearful, then I'm not going to just relax my body, but I'm going to make sure that I'm not gritting my teeth. I'm going to make sure that as I support her, I'm actually not coming with a hard energy. I'm coming with a hug. I'm coming with a way that while she's fearful, I can be supportive. But that's not necessarily harsh. So it becomes fascinating when you, as the rider, can learn how to do some of these things, like how can it be hard and easy when you start practicing that this is where the wisdom of you being on the planet for those extra years, that wisdom that you almost want to throw out so you can become seven years old again and start from scratch. You have a lot of wisdom where you actually can, if you slow down, realize that you already have the skill of doing something hard and finding the easy moments in it. It might not be with horses, but I promise you you have that skill already somewhere. So let me quickly recap just the three ways that I often see riders make the process harder.

Stacy Westfall:
Number one, not exposing themselves to others, doing the work, showing the real stuff. Others who are in the process at the same level below them and above them. Number two not separating the hard of suffering from the hard of physical challenge or mentally challenging. And three assuming it will all be hard leaning in for the grit instead of letting it be both, sometimes hard and sometimes easy, here's another way for you to look at it. You could take what I've just taught, and you could just flip it around into these questions and answer these for yourself. What part of this will be physically hard? What part of this could be easy? Can I separate the physically hard from the emotionally hard? Where can I go to see horses and riders working both above and below the stage that I'm currently at? What will I gain by seeing others work through similar challenges? If you're listening to this in real time, enrollment for my Resourceful Rider program will be opening again in a few weeks. Be sure you go to my website StacyWestfall.com and sign up so you will be notified when the doors open. Inside of there you'll see other riders above your stage and below your stage, and you'll see the common challenges that all the different stages face. I hope to see you inside. That's what I have for you this week, and I'll talk to you again in the next episode.

Announcer:
If you enjoy listening to Stacy's podcast, please visit StacyWestfall.com for articles, videos and tips to help you and your horse succeed.

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