Episode 267- Dream bigger, measure backward, and let things count.
An important part of setting future goals is reviewing and learning from the past.
This episode includes an 8-step process for reviewing and learning from your past year, as well as in interview. Diana and Riece join me, and we discuss the lessons that can be learned from reviewing, which can be carried forward into the next year.
This episode is so full, it has a free downloadable guide to go with it!
Topics discussed include:
- the potential fear of being overwhelmed with regrets during a year-end review
- the difference in reviewing on a micro level (day to day) versus a macro level (year-end review)
- the reality of adjusting timelines
- the importance of looking back with compassion, avoiding self-blame, and understanding that decisions were made with the available information
How your habit of reviewing (or not reviewing) throughout the year is often reflected in your yearly review.
Now is the best time to begin to build the habits that will support your future dreams and goals. Download the free guide and get started today.
Episode 267- Dream bigger, measure backward, and let the little things count..mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix
Episode 267- Dream bigger, measure backward, and let the little things count..mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.
Reese:
It's crazy to me that I was like, oh, I'm not sure if this is a good year for me to work on stuff. It's like, oh my gosh, I did so much this year. It's just it's crazy.
Diana Tomes:
She's performing at such a higher level now than she was in January. And I would say more connected and more engaged than ever.
Reese:
Prioritizing and being flexible to when I look back, I was really good this year at being flexible. I can honestly say that now.
Diana Tomes:
That we know that at the beginning of last year, I was afraid to even say what my real goals were and didn't even recognize that in myself. Like, I'm going to lean into that now. The rest of this December, I'm really going to ask myself what seems too big for me to say out loud?
Announcer:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.
Stacy Westfall:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall and I'm here to help you dream bigger, measure your progress backwards and give yourself credit for the little things. These are all concepts that you'll hear about in today's discussion. I seriously considered breaking this episode into two separate parts, and here's why. When I talk about goal setting, planning, and reviewing, sometimes people's eyes glaze over. So when I thought about this episode, I thought, I'll interview some other people to make it more interesting because basically I wanted to achieve two things. Number one, I wanted to share with you how to review your year. And number two, I wanted to let you hear from other people about what the process of reviewing is like and what lessons can be learned. But I really, really wanted to share with you how to do the process. So I ended up doing both. I've asked two students from my Advanced at Home program to join me, and I share my eight step process, and instead of cutting it into two separate podcasts, I've decided instead to create a free download. For those of you who would like a physical copy of the eight step process that I power talk you through. If you would like a copy of that totally free, go to episode 267 of this podcast on my website and you can download the workbook right there. You should also be able to click the link in your podcast player right now, and it should take you to my website. And now that you know what to expect, let's jump in to the conversation.
Stacy Westfall:
I've asked two students from my Advanced at Home program to join me. Could you to introduce yourselves and tell the listeners a little bit about you, what you do with horses and any background information that you want to share?
Diana Tomes:
Hi, I'm Diana Tomes. I live in a tiny town called Davisburg, which is in southeast Michigan. I have Big Lake Farm here, and I work primarily with Mustangs. We have a training and teaching facility here, and I get Mustangs sometimes out of the BLM holding facilities and get them gentled and trained up and find a person for them. Or sometimes I help people train their own mustangs or help people with their problems or training problems. My main horse that Stacy has helped me with though is my quarter horse Bonbon. She's eight this year. I think I've had her since she was a baby and we're working on well, I guess I came to the course looking to improve my western dressage and learn about reining is where Stacy and I started.
Reese:
So my name is Reese and I'm from California. I have one gelding named Duke and he's 15 years old. We do a lot of trail riding. We're lucky enough to board right next to a lake that has hundreds of miles of trails around it. And so that's pretty fun. And then we also show in Western dressage and Liberty. I didn't do those things before Stacy, but I do now. (laughter)
Stacy Westfall:
Fun. And just because I haven't really talked about it as much on the podcast, the Advance at Home program is basically it's a one on one coaching. So during the program, each of you met with me individually for one hour each week, and we looked at your goals at the beginning of the year, broke them down every week. We were looking at the progress, making a plan. You're executing, you're asking questions. I'm reviewing, giving feedback. And it's that cycle all the way through for six months. So now I'm looking for confessions from both of you. I personally set my goals in January, I review in December, I set my goals in January. And then I do review them and I pivot. You'll definitely hear about that in today's podcast, but I'm curious, do you set goals in January or did you do it after I made it an assignment?
Diana Tomes:
I set mine around now around end of the year, maybe early January at the latest. And then we meet in the spring and you tackle me and force me to get more specific and make them more actionable.
Stacy Westfall:
Okay, I thought it might be a confession time. Okay, Reese.
Reese:
So mine is actually similar. I am not a big specific goal setter, just left to my own devices. I think my goals would probably sound something like someday, somehow it would be so awesome if I could. You know, I'm not totally sure that I can, but it would be so cool. You know, that's probably how my goal setting would sound. I looked back and I actually did set goals in January, um, as part of the Resourceful Rider. You did that in in there. And so I did set some goals. But then when I did advance at home, I think in March, my goals got a lot more specific. And I think one of the things that was super helpful about doing that with you in Advance At Home was you really pushed me to connect my specific goals to the bigger dream that I had, and that was so helpful.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, that's one thing that I do like to reemphasize, is that I am 100% fine with the idea of having a dream, and to me, dreams are often vague. And so if somebody says to me, I want a better relationship with my horse, I want to learn all I can with horses, I put them in the category of dream. Then I do come back, and when students work with me, I end up saying, well, if you had that better relationship, what would you do with your horse? And that's usually where the more tangible things start to come up. Maybe bridleless riding, maybe reining, maybe trail riding, whatever that is. But it's sort of that magic between keeping the dream side of it alive, but also then making it into tangible goals and even some of those tangible goals, stick with the example of bridleless riding, it can take a while to get to some of those bigger dreams like that, but along the way we can break that one down even more. And so I think that's the magic of having the dream as the direction. And then the more tangible, measurable things that you're going to work on this year, this month, this week. Does that kind of summarize the process of what you guys went through with me?
Diana Tomes:
Yep.
Reese:
Yeah, 100%.
Stacy Westfall:
So I thought to kick this year end review off, I thought I would share mine. And I've got it down to a one page summary. Because one of the things I want to do by putting this on the podcast is make sure that it doesn't seem like this has to be a full blown college credit course for you to summarize your year. Because sometimes I think it's just the sheer volume of things that you could try to tackle. When you try to summarize an entire year, that puts people off from it. So I'm just going to go quickly over the process that I use. I did it in about 30 minutes here. So when I sit down to review my year, I grab my calendar because I do a lot of tracking on my calendar of when I wrote or if I went to a horse show and that kind of stuff. It's a standard wall calendar, so there's not a lot of detail, and I actually think that's a benefit when I'm reviewing my year versus, for example, going into my journal where that would be a lot of material to review if I wanted to dedicate more than 30 minutes to an hour to it, I could do that. But I personally just look at the calendar and grab for those bigger things, and I break it down by the month, because that just works for my brain.
Stacy Westfall:
Probably because I'm looking at the calendar and I go, what did I do in January? What did I do in February? I end up typically with about 3 to 5 bullet points. So if I flip back to my past page here, it would be something like in September I did a bridleless demo with Willow. I trail rode Presto, and I went to a show in Kentucky with Gabby that I did schooling at. So when I do the bullet points, it's almost very high level and a little bit vague like that. Then what I do is I actually broke it down into eight steps.
Stacy Westfall:
The first one I do is I just say, look at the year overall. Where was I January 1st? Where am I now? The next one is what experiences did I have? And this one can sometimes kind of overlap into what achievements do I see? Sometimes the experience is an achievement. Sometimes the experience is separate. So that would be two and three. What lessons did I learn? So I'm sitting there looking at the whole year. What lessons did I learn. Number five did the path look like what I thought it would? That one's always interesting. Number six: what worked? Number seven: what didn't work? Number eight: what would I do differently?
Stacy Westfall:
So it doesn't have to be super complicated. But that's the questions. And that's the order I go through it. So when I looked at 2023, when I look at January to December, the things that stand out to me on where I was January 1st to where I am now, some of the bigger changes for me would be that my horses actually changed. So January I owned three and a half minis, I owned three and one was pregnant, and then the foal was born in April and in December, I don't have any minis, including the foal that was born. So that was a pretty big change when I look January to December and I didn't see it coming. Wasn't a plan in January. I also look and see that I own a new horse, a yearling, and I didn't see that coming back in January. And then I also own a breeding for Gabby and I've wanted to breed her, but I've been delaying it and I purchased that. So those are some of the things that to me are big changes from where I was in January to December. Again, you could go on multiple levels, but that's some of the things that stood out now experiences through the year. I had a mini foal born and I did a Bridleless demo with Willow. I actually rode her bareback and bridleless and Gabby won the NRA money, which was part of the achievements. One of the things that I had as a goal set out, and so I did have that happen.
Stacy Westfall:
Then when we get to what lessons did I learn? My overall theme for the year is I can do hard things. Because when I look back over my January, February, March, April, May and June, for those who don't know, I broke my hand on January 14th, so my goal setting did not look at all like what I thought it would, because everything came to a screeching halt January 14th when I broke my hand and. Literally just getting dressed was a was an ordeal. So it really pivoted and changed things. So when I look at the lessons that I learned from the year, it's like I can do hard things. A windy path can still lead to progress. Those are a couple that stood out to me. Number five. Did the path look like what I thought it would? No. And many other years, it does look more traditional. Maybe it didn't go quite exactly, but much more direct line. No, not this year. Number six. What worked this year? I would say the primary thing that really worked is my mindset work in tough times. And so going through the broken hand process, that had a lot of just emotions that went with it and setbacks from literally not being able to ride all the way to when I was healing. My hand kept going numb to the point where I couldn't show it the May show because I couldn't hold the reins in my hand without it going so numb I couldn't feel it.
Stacy Westfall:
And I thought it was getting better between May and June and at the June show, same thing. Those were lots of devastating setbacks much further out past January that I just didn't see coming, and it was very disappointing. So the mindset was really working for me. The mindset was really working for me. Even the decision to rehome them, find them new homes. Three went down to a college and now they're part of that program, and one went to a friend's house. That was still a really hard decision. Now it doesn't feel as conflicting as it did when I was making it, but I can remember that. So the mindset work there was really important. And then also deciding to show Gabby at the end of the year it was successful. But I remember getting ready to enter. I was still thinking, this is so off track, this is so not how this was supposed to go. So again, that mindset work. Number seven what didn't work? I couldn't resist breaking my hand. Didn't work, you know? And then I kind of cleaned it up a little bit and put unforeseeable injury interrupts the plans. And then what would I do differently. That one was really actually kind of fun. Of all the years, I would have thought that one would have been an answer with 100 different things, but when I accept that I actually can't change breaking my hand this year, I actually don't look back and see much that I would have changed.
Stacy Westfall:
I wanted to write down that I would have faith in the hard times, but when I looked a little bit closer at that, what I actually wanted to do was like, not have the negative experience of the hard times. I wanted to not feel the disappointment or the frustration or the sadness or the anger. But I actually think that when I look back, I was in the moment after the doctor says, you need to wear this for two more weeks, and I'm driving home just bawling and just so sad about what this means for missing even more time. That's the piece that my brain wants to tempt me into saying I would do differently, but. That would be just avoiding that negative emotion and that that actually, I think I actually went through it quite well, although not fun. So what I just did there was basically shared my one page summary of the year. Without going into all the detail, I will jump back and tell you one thing. My specific goals at the beginning of the year were with Gabby to win NRA money, with Willow to ride her in a way that supported me, getting myself ready to show Gabby to win NRA money.
Stacy Westfall:
So that may or may not have involved showing her hers was a little more vague because she was a support horse. And then with Presto, it was to show him in traditional dressage. With Gabby, I reached the goal of showing and earning NRA money. With Willow, I reached the goal and because she kicked Gabby in the trailer, essentially when I got better and could have shown, Willow crippled Gabby and Gabby couldn't show. So then Willow showed. So Willow got to step up and really fulfill her get me ready thing by crippling Gabby mid-year. Gabby came back from that and then I was able to reach her goal and then Presto, yeah, we just had a bad year because I didn't ride him at all from the day that I broke my hand in January until after the numbness went away in June, and then I managed to ride him July, August, September. And then in October, he started having soundness issues. He's about as off track as you can get when you set a goal in January and you get to December, you're like, yeah, none of that happened. So. It doesn't have to be really complicated. When you look back, I like to hit it on some of the real factual lines of what worked and what didn't, and some of the real mindset side of it, of what worked and what didn't.
Diana Tomes:
So that was a really winding path. I don't think there's any way you can foresee you couldn't have foreseen any of those specific things. Yeah.
Reese:
I love those like those eight specific questions. I think those are so good. I'm curious about like the what would you do different? Like is that something? That you consistently find that you don't find a lot that you would do different. Is that something that has evolved over time? Like I'm curious about that one.
Stacy Westfall:
I find that in the day to day and week to week, when I ask myself that question, I typically could come up with a lot of ways that I can improve something. So I think that's one of the ones that on the micro, like when you're when you're in this like day to day piece of it, I find that I can typically say, okay, I could have done this, I could have done this, I could have done this. So there's options. Sometimes they seem like glaringly obvious that I should have done it differently. And sometimes they seem just like, well, you know, there's 2 or 3 other ways I could have done this. But typically when I get to the end of the year, I think that's one of the things that might scare people away from doing the year end review is thinking that you're going to be bombarded with a whole bunch of those, but I think when you look at a higher level, you can see that it's sometimes these big sweeping turns, like, for me, it would have been easy to say, yeah, I just can't do any of this. I broke my hand. I lost five months of riding. Why even bother? And I could feel the tug of war, of why bother much more in the moment of specifically for me, the June show, where my hand was going so numb that I couldn't adjust the reins.
Stacy Westfall:
But I'm having this battle between whether and in that moment the do differently seems more obvious. But at the end of the year when I'm doing that sometimes, and in the past, it's happened more often where I say, oh, you know, I look back and maybe I could have chosen this path over here. Maybe I could have chosen that path over there. So I think over decades, because I have been a big goal setter and reviewer for years, I've noticed that that's come more and more into line, and I think it's because I am able to. Accept the path that I chose even more as I was choosing it. So I get to the end with much less regret. And then, sometimes it's not even like a regret driven thing that happens when you're reviewing. Sometimes it's just like, oh, you know, if I'd just gone over here and done that, that could have been another option. I was actually kind of surprised that it didn't have. That many this year, considering exactly how winding my path got.
Reese:
Well, that's that's kind of why I was curious about it, because I in the past have had like, that's that would be something I'd have a lot to say about is like so many things I would do different. And I noticed this year that I didn't feel that way about very much at all. Like, I think there were a lot of lessons that I learned from setbacks. So like a lot of things that I like, you know, I can kind of appreciate, you know, now that that happened, I have more information that I can move forward with. But there wasn't a lot. And I was like, I kind of, I don't know, I kind of took it as a sign of growth.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, that's the way that I take it. Is there an example of that from the past that seems more clear to you, even if it was ten years ago or something?
Reese:
Five years? Well, I mean, I definitely like I've had I've had things where I've adjusted timelines and I've felt really conflicted about it or really like, I shouldn't have done that or I should have prepared myself better so I wouldn't have to adjust the timeline on it. And then, like this year, there were things that I did that with and I just didn't I didn't feel so bad about it. It wasn't like a big problem or a big thing that I felt really bad about. It was just kind of like, oh, I'm adjusting this timeline, and that's not something I have to be ashamed of or feel terrible about.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Timelines are. And when you don't have experience doing something, it makes sense that you don't know the timeline. And yet there's often an expectation of what it should be or what you hope it will be, or that you can get there faster. So that really kind of makes sense. And quickly scanning my brain timeline things, because essentially breaking my hand is a timeline issue. Yeah, it's a if you can. Chunk out that missing five months? Yeah, it's very much a timeline driven thing, so I can see where that would improve as you get better at two things adjusting the timeline and then accepting the adjustment of the timeline, which essentially is what I was talking about with the wrestling match in the moment with, well, crying on the way back from the doctor's office and that kind of stuff that's adjusting the timeline. It's not…
Reese:
Oh totally.
Diana Tomes:
I think to look back intentionally looking for what we would do differently. I think we have to or I have to prep myself by saying I'm not purposely looking back to look for things to feel bad about and feel regrets about. Like I'm not looking for ways to pick on myself about wrong decisions, air quotes, wrong decisions that I made. Like you have to look back with a level of acceptance about. What you did. Like we're all just doing the best that we can in the moment with the information we have available. We don't know what the outcome is going to be like. Looking back with compassion for ourselves, for the for, you know, the like, the direction things took or the choices that we made. I think that's helps me like mine. The most information out of the last year without like having a bunch of gunky feelings about it.
Stacy Westfall:
Mhm. Yeah. And I think that the more you practice doing that in the moment, whether that's daily, weekly, monthly, the easier that is to carry over to the yearly review. If you are in this incongruent struggle in decision making throughout the year, it makes sense that your year end review is going to be filled with that feeling versus, as you just said, like an acceptance of I broke my hand and these are the choices that I had to make inside of there. And these are what I chose, and I stand by that decision. So then when I look back at it, there's less of a regret and more of a acceptance that was happening in the process that's happening now in the big yearly review.
Reese:
Yeah, yeah.
Stacy Westfall:
Let's dive into your yearly reviews. Reece, did you want to dive in first?
Reese:
Sure. Um, so the specific goals that I set at the beginning of the year was that I wanted to compete in the ILHA. Um, so the International Liberty Horse Association, I wanted to compete in the Liberty Horse distinguished level. Um, and I had to laugh about that because when I look back on my notes, I put a little, like a little note next to that. That said, two ambitious question mark. I just thought that was so funny when I looked back, because I did compete in the ILHA Liberty Horse distinguished, which I still kind of blows my mind a little bit when I think about. I had never showed before this year. I had not done a single show in any discipline in any way before this year, and that is literally the second highest level that the Ila offers in Liberty Horse. So that is just that kind of blows my mind a little bit. And I have kind of been, you know, really swirling on that one as I've reviewed my year, that, wow, I really did make that happen this year. And that's pretty cool. And then I also had another goal to compete in the Bridleless training level intermediate also in an ILHA. And I did not get to that one. I did compete in Bridleless at a different level, which is the one below this one, but I didn't quite get to this one. But I did a lot of showing this year.
Reese:
Actually, I did a lot of western dressage showing, which is in support of my goal of Bridleless riding, and it's really fun to look back, look at all my ribbons from this year and just see what we've been able to do. I actually started at some point this year. I started keeping a list of all of our accomplishments. Like every accomplishment that I've made with Duke, I tried to go all the way back to the beginning. Like, literally, what have I accomplished since I've gotten this horse and tried to make a really comprehensive list of every small and big thing that we have accomplished, which that was one of my favorite things that I did this year. Keeping that up to date has been such a boost to me to just like, look at it and just remember that there are so many things on that list. And, and I think that actually, I loved what Diana said about, you know, when you're looking back, you can look back with the goal of being hard on yourself, or you can look back with the goal of finding the learning. And I think that has been the difference for me is I think in the past, I have looked back on things with the goal of finding everything I did wrong and everything I messed up and everything that didn't go the way that I thought it should. And I think that's why there's less this year that I would do different, even though there were so many setbacks.
Reese:
Actually, when I when I looked back, there were so many. We had several different DQ's as we were showing I was DQ'd in western dressage. I was DQ'd in um, Liberty multiple times. Um, and those are interesting because it's like, you know, we also had an injury. Duke got a nail in his foot that ended up being almost a month off of work, and that it was easier for me to see that there was nothing like there was no way for me to know that that was coming. There was no way to anticipate it. There was no like, I couldn't have prevented that. No matter what I did with the DQ's, it was kind of like, there's a part of me that wants to say if I, you know, like in one case, if I'd just been clearer on the rules or, you know, stuff like that, like there's a part of me that wants to nitpick it and say, like, I should have read that better, or I should have whatever. And then, you know, there's another part of me that is a lot more compassionate towards myself that's like, no, that's fine. Like there's no loss here. I learned from those situations and it's like I everything was still moving me forward, which I think is probably the big difference in how I look back on things this year.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah. And it's so fascinating because I remember teasing you and saying, this is how you learn the rule book, one rule broken at a time. And that is what I'm doing, because when your video goes three seconds longer, and when all these tiny little things that don't look like they're part of the pattern, they're in the rule book for a reason. And even though it's not a super visible reason, you remember it after you break it and get a DQ.
Reese:
Well, I think that was my thought after like the second one, I was like, oh, you know what? I'll just never break that one again. Like, like that one's done. I can check it off, you know.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, in reining I say, have you joined the five Spin Club yet? We always, by the by the way, we always have to spin four times. It's 4 or 4 and a quarter. That's it. And we pretend that there's a five spin club and a three spin club because everybody does it. It happens. So yeah. When I was looking back at yours, there were two things I did this for both of you. If I had to pick out two things that really stood out for me when I was looking back over your year, one was, and I'd like you to talk through it a little bit more than me, but I remember when you were considering doing the Advance at Home program. You were looking ahead at your year and you were like, this is a really busy year. If I can't remember, maybe you can share the details, but there were just a lot of moving parts going on. And so you were like, I don't know if this is a great time to go all in on this. Now looking back at not only did you start with a really busy year, and not only did you lose a month due to a nail in his foot, and you look at everything that you accomplished to me, that moment that you were deciding whether or not you were all in or not on your pursuit of the dreams. To me, that one was pivotal. How does that one strike you when you look back?
Reese:
Well, it's crazy. It's crazy to look back from the point that I am now, because, I mean, I've said this to you so many times, but this year just feels so explosive to me. Like the growth was insane. When I look at where we started this year, he would not stay with me in a Liberty Circle. And the idea that now we're doing like cantering liberal circles and he is staying with me like.
Stacy Westfall:
I'm interrupting you. You just sent me a video of cantering on the beach at liberty in California. Somewhere on a beach is Reese with her horse at Liberty. Okay. Go on.
Reese:
Yes. No. And that. Like, it just it's crazy to me that I was like, oh, I'm not sure if this is a good year for me to work on stuff. It's like, oh my gosh, I did so much this year. It's just it's crazy. But yes, we were going like my husband was changing jobs. We were house hunting. I've had a lot of transition with my kids. You know, I have older kids that some are in college and just it's like this year was just really busy and a lot of things that I was anticipating. I'm shifting things in my own business, too. So it's just I really was kind of like, I'm not sure if I can dedicate what I need to dedicate to this. I think what I realized, like, I think it's just prioritizing and being flexible to when I look back, I was really good this year at being flexible. I can honestly say that there was travel. There was. That was another thing I think too, was my daughter graduated from high school. We had a really big trip planned that was going to be in the middle of the Advance At Home, and I'm just like, I'm just not sure. And so it's just crazy to me like it. If you I think what I realized is this is just so important to me. I will make time for this. I will make time for this. And it's not always the same amount of time. Like, there are days that I can spend three, four hours at the barn and, you know, and really take my time. There are days that we were having like 15 minute sessions and calling it good, you know, and just be but but remembering like, this is so important to me that I'm going to make time for it. And just seeing what we still accomplished, even though there were so many other things going on in my life, I think, yeah, I totally agree. That was a big one.
Stacy Westfall:
Um, I think something you're saying there is so true, but people don't slow down quite enough to really feel the full impact. When you say it's so important to me, I 100% believe that. And I believe it's true for a lot of people. And I think, if not carefully considered, people use that against themselves because it's so important to you that starting and failing feels like an impossible thing. Because if you don't start, then you can't fail at the thing that you most desire. That's what the brain kind of wants you to do. Does that make sense?
Reese:
Oh, that feels so true to me. And I think that is a thought that's held me back in previous years, even more like I think that's like, you know, this year was explosive and it was amazing. There were years before that that not as much happened in. And I think I did do some of that work over the last couple of years of, of like I even get emotional thinking of it right now that there has been a lot of fear of like, I started this too late to do the things that I really want to do. And so I've done a lot of that work. I mean, not that there's not more to do. I'm not saying I'm done with it, but I have done a lot of that work leading up to this because I think there has been a big part of me that's been afraid of failure. And I'll give a thought that has been really useful to me lately. I read it somewhere. I don't remember where I read it. I'm so sorry for whoever I'm not giving credit to, but it was that failure is not the opposite of success. Failure is part of success. And I just love that quote so much. Because when I look back at all the things that I've done, like even, you know, that that moment where he was cantering with me on the beach at Liberty, that I, I was almost brought to tears in that moment because I'm like, is this real life? And even that like, oh my gosh, do you know how many times that horse ran away from me in the arena, like when I was trying to canter at liberty? Like, I don't even think I could count.
Reese:
And so, like, instead of looking back at all of that and and seeing it as failure, I have come so far in seeing like those things are not things to be afraid of. They are things that are going to push me further, and they're going to get me closer to what I want. I'm sorry, I'm still crying, but, um, I actually want to throw out one other thing, because this was a really big when you asked me to think about, like, big leaps forward that I didn't expect. I think that this year I've been so much better about not judging myself. That's been so big for me, because I remember when I submitted my first videos to you, the first round of events at home that I did, I don't know, was that three years ago? I don't remember, you know, it was a long time ago. I remember when I submitted those first videos to you and I was dripping in shame.
Reese:
I was like, it was hard for me to press send on those because I'm like, I cannot believe I am sending this to Stacy freaking Westfall for her to look at where I am right now, like it was painful. It hurts like to send those. And you had me do a really cool thing this year. That again was one of my favorite things. This year was you had me make a video that included some of my first videos, and it included where I was at that time. And I can't tell you how different the eyes that I looked at that through now were, than the eyes that I originally looked at it through. Like when I looked at that before. It was just so much shame, so much shame. And when I looked at it now, like, first of all, I have so much compassion. But I also was able to see like that version of me. There was a past version even before her that would have been so proud, that would have been so excited. Like, you're doing it, you're you're doing the thing you want to do. And I look at that and I'm like, I don't know. I'm proud of it. It excites me. It makes me feel good about myself instead of feeling. And it was a mess, by the way. It was a mess.
Reese:
Um, there was bucking, rearing. There was there was like me falling forward on him when we're trying to transition like it was a mess. And I look at it and I like it makes me smile. It makes me happy. It makes me proud, which is so different than it has been in the past. So yeah, that was that was really big.
Stacy Westfall:
Um, well, I said I had two. And one was the moment that you signed up. But maybe my favorite one, and this is going to go down as like top ten of ever coaching anyone, by the way, inside of the Advance At Home we use Slack, which is basically like a texting message system. And I.
Reese:
Know exactly what you're going to say.
Stacy Westfall:
And about three quarters of the way through the advance at home, Reese makes a comment. She's appreciating everything she's done, but she also makes this comment about, like, I just can't imagine being able to teach my horse to lay down. And it's needed for some of the advanced liberty things. And I was like, well, why don't we do that? Well, obviously if she doesn't think she can, she's not going to think of it. So she happens to mention it to me. So we start working on it and, you know, it's going along. And then I get this message one day, and when you open it up, there'll be like a little screenshot, like a little screen frozen picture of the video. And there's a text preview. The screenshot that I can see is the horse laying down. The message says, don't get excited before I open it up. And I sat there and I didn't open it up on purpose, and I thought, the horse is laying down, which is the actual goal. But there's something that I would not want to be excited about. I wonder how. And so I play this game with myself. How many directions can this be that the horse would be down on the ground, but I wouldn't be excited. Can you tell your side of the story? Because I was just dying before I even opened it, and then it got even better when I read it.
Reese:
I knew this was going to be what you were going to say as soon as you said Slack, because I remember that too. So yes, we had been working on it, and I think maybe I had gotten something. I can't remember the exact timeline, but there was some thought when he laid down that day that it didn't count. And I think it was that he, I think for me, it was that he had circled around me, um, a couple of times like, yeah, yeah. And so to me, what I was trying to get him to do was I was trying to get him to lay down in place where he was. And so when he didn't do that, when he needed to circle and, and because that also wasn't a part of the cue to like the, the cue was him, like bringing his legs together and then, you know, he had his head down and all this stuff. And so in my mind, the only thing that would count is if he collapsed from that exact point. And if it wasn't that, then it doesn't count. And so when I realized when I was working with him, I realized that he wanted to walk forward a little bit, but he was still staying in that little, in that little triangle position. I don't know if that makes sense, but. And so I let him and he did go down and I was really happy about it. And then I was like, oh, I don't I don't think that that counts though.
Stacy Westfall:
Because.
Diana Tomes:
Wait, can I say something about that? So I remember when that happened, and I think it must have happened close to when we had like an in-person thing together at your house.
Stacy Westfall:
It did. Yes.
Diana Tomes:
Um, yeah. Because we were all talking about it and like, teasing Reece relentlessly about it, about the horse, the picture of the horse laying down and her saying it doesn't count as him laying down. And I have thought about that so many times since then, like that was months ago. And the number of times that we like successfully do the thing we wanted to do and then say, well, it doesn't count, how foolish it sounds.
Stacy Westfall:
Yes, yeah, but we do that to ourselves. Well, I.
Reese:
Think, I think that that's that's one of the cool things about that though, is I did start seeing it in so many places. I see it a lot with Duke, but I actually see it in so many other places in my life that like, you know, something good will happen or I'll do something that I'm proud of, but there will be some thought that's like, why that doesn't count or why that's not as good as I wanted it, or it's not the way that I pictured it, exactly like, you know, and it's just interesting how we can kind of do that and not not take credit for the things that are actually going the way you wanted them to.
Stacy Westfall:
Yes, yes. I mean.
Writing that down, why do you not why do you make your success not count? Question mark, question mark, question mark.
Stacy Westfall:
When when I was reviewing what I do for you guys inside of the Advance At Home, helping you set goals and create the step by step path, helping you review and evaluate and then reminding you of what you did that seemed so big and impossible. And then two weeks later, you guys are whoosh gone past in the rearview mirror and it's just gone. And my job is to bring it back to you and say, hey, remember when the lay down took a minute and a half and you were like, it doesn't count at all. Like, yes, you thought it was not possible at all. Then, even when it happened, even though the video, the whole length of it was less than two minutes long and it happened within two minutes, it's not even like it was within an hour or somewhere. It was two minutes and he's down. And my job is to say, this is how it's related. This is the path. This doesn't look exactly the way that you thought it would, but can you see how this is closer to this? And there are certain moments, which is why you allowed us to pick on you a little bit at the at the live event and say, look at this screenshot. Like her horse is laying down and literally the words are don't get excited.
Reese:
I know it's it is so funny when you think about it. And I think my brain wants to see, well, there's the next obstacle, like like in this case, now I have to get him to do it without walking forward and, you know, whatever. Like my brain goes to like the next obstacle. And it's thinking about that instead of thinking like you did it.
Stacy Westfall:
You're right. You did.
Reese:
The thing.
Stacy Westfall:
Like pause. Be happy. It. Yeah. One of your bigger and overall goals is the Bridleless, and I may have been implicated in leading you down a path towards western dressage. Now that you're at the end of this, when it was. I'm not sure if it was willingly or reluctantly or.
Reese:
Under duress,
Stacy Westfall:
Under duress (laughter)
Diana Tomes:
Under duress?
Stacy Westfall:
Coerced. Like at some point you are in California. I am in Ohio. You did willingly do this on your own at some point. So can you tell the listeners how the process went for you of of being able to see Western dressage as a viable step towards bridleless riding?
Reese:
Yeah. I mean, I think I got clearer on how these I mean, you helped me get clear on how these skills in western dressage are going to translate to my bridleless riding. So while I didn't necessarily have any specific like affinity or aspiration towards Western dressage independently, I didn't feel real strongly about doing it. But when I could see it as part of the bigger goal that I really do really, really want, then it was kind of a no brainer of like, yeah, this is this is part of the path, this is part of how I get there. And it ended up being really I mean, there were so many good things about showing just in general. I think it was actually really good for me to learn the process. Like I said, this was my first year of showing, so there was a lot to be learned. One of my big setbacks that I that I put in my list was also the technology. That was a big thing. I ended up doing more in person near the end of the year, but at the beginning of the year it was all virtual. Everything that I did was virtual. I didn't do any in-person showing, and so figuring out the technology for that to I didn't always have somebody to film me. And my Pivo sometimes wasn't very cooperative. And so figuring all of that out again was very useful and working through the rules and the equipment and you know, how I'm supposed to dress and all that stuff, like figuring all of that out was really good for me and good for him. And even though it was a virtual show, we were filming them at a different arena than he's normally at, which again, I saw so many benefits from hauling and doing that, and so it ended up being such a gain for us to do the showing, having those really specific goals of like, okay, the show is on this day and these are the skills that I'm being tested on and that's the like, that's it.
Reese:
I'm not being tested on anything else. These are just the specific things. So I know really clearly that this is what I need to work on. And it was even more narrow than that because I could look at those specific skills, you know, however many there were in there, you know, I'll call it 20, but I don't really know how many there were, and maybe 16 of them were pretty solid at. And I'm pretty confident I can get a decent score on. But there's four in there that like, I know we could use some work. I know that the score on those is not going to be super strong. And so that focus of just saying, like, this is specifically what we're going to be working on right now, and this is specifically when we're going to be tested on it. That was really useful, especially for me as somebody that's I'm not really naturally that structured. And so having that was really helpful, and it really helped me get specific at what I was working towards. And it has, you know, we did compete in Bridleless and I can see now, especially looking back, how that has pushed us way closer to what I ultimately want. Um.
Stacy Westfall:
Thanks for sharing that. Diana.
Diana Tomes:
Yes.
Stacy Westfall:
Let's take a look at your goals. You had goals at the beginning of the year, and then they got more specific when we started the advance at home. Is that correct?
Diana Tomes:
That's correct. I think I started pretty vaguely with I just wanted to improve. Okay. So I guess that was my dream actually is I just wanted to get better. I wanted to be like a better horse woman, a better horse trainer. I wanted a better connection with my horse. I just wanted to be a better rider every day. Better. And then you're like, well, what does that mean? So I think I came vaguely with the idea that I wanted with like a Western Dressage slash reining focus. Both. Um, that's how I wanted to get better, like through those avenues. Those were the vague things. And then more specifically, I really wanted to deep dive into my lead change and improve that, like really with a Western Dressage focus. So that's what we started with at the beginning of the year. I don't have them written down in front of me, but I feel like we took so many side quests that we might have ended up like really far from all of that. But like so far beyond what I imagined at the beginning of the year that I feel nothing about, if I whether or not I accomplish those goals that I had at the beginning of the year. Like, I actually feel it's really weird to say because I'm really goal driven, but I actually feel nothing about whether or not I accomplish them. Like, I'm just so thrilled with how the the journey went. Um.
Stacy Westfall:
When I look back and we had you had done the Advance At Home in a previous year also. And so this wasn't our first time working together. And when I look back at the notes, you came in with a really strong emphasis on the Western Dressage, the lead change, curiosity about how that fit with Bridleless.
Diana Tomes:
Yeah, yeah.
Stacy Westfall:
And it was really interesting because reining had come up at times as we'd discuss things, but I'd have to go back and dig further through the notes. But I actually didn't even see the reining directly in there.
Diana Tomes:
Oh,
Stacy Westfall:
I thought it was always interesting because, as you know, your horse is bred for reining and as you have expressed, you have an interest in reining. Do you remember any of the resistance towards setting that as a specific goal?
Diana Tomes:
That's so funny. I didn't realize that I hadn't even written that down because I, I mean, I guess I was scared to I think I thought it was impossible and I was scared to even say it. Um, which is so funny to me now because like that is happening, we are reining. We're going to show in reining next year, and I think we're going to do fine. And just a short time, like a year ago, or even less, it seemed so unattainable that I wouldn't even say it or like, admit it.
Stacy Westfall:
Mhm. Yeah. If you look back at if you look back at last year, we discussed it some and there were questions about footing and there were questions about sliders and can she wear them in the turnout and with other horses. And how does that work. And those are valid questions because by the way for those listening sliders have trailers on them, which is a little bit like arming your horse with small daggers on its back feet. So you do have to consider some of these things. And so I believe we had discussed it. And then when you came into this year, it was more like so on the way towards these goals, what would you think about adding some of this? And it was a little bit of selling you on the idea that the collection that you would gain if reining was a path that you wanted to go down at some point, the collection that Bonbon would learn from doing these raunchy western moves is ultimately your goal. And so even though you're not specifically naming it. So I think if you look back over the videos, if you go back and watch, you'll kind of see it developing, which is very fun because the first show that you went to to ride around at, you're like, wait a minute, we fit here. Right.
Diana Tomes:
Right. And I think I almost needed it's like I needed permission, um, to have this goal, um, which is so funny, but, I mean, and I think I, you know, even if I didn't think that I could do it, like, if there's even a hint that Stacy Westfall thinks I could do it, I'm like, well, I'll coast on her faith in me. Like, until I have that faith in myself. Like, well, when you said, why don't you come to a reining show? I mean, if anybody else had said that to me, or maybe even if you'd said it to me last year, I would just be like, uh, hard. No, I'm going to throw up three days in advance before that and then decide not to go. Um, but when you suggested it, I was like, yep, we are going.
Stacy Westfall:
When I was looking back through the notes, I'm going to read these. These are actual sentences from the notes.
Diana Tomes:
Oh no.
Stacy Westfall:
Yes! Because I just find them. Very humorous. So the beginning of the year obstacle. This is witchcraft. I don't understand it. Spin. Wow. That worked. Walk pirouette attempts. Really fun. Actually went well. Another attempt of something else. This was fun because a year ago she was not responsive enough to do this. Another. I'm not sure how this connects to the ridden work yet, but don't tell me I feel like I almost know it.
Diana Tomes:
Mhm.
Stacy Westfall:
And then I had asked you at one point to relate some of these things to something you know really well, and you said I know early Mustang Gentling really well, and then we started to do this game of back and forth. Like how does this relate to that stage conceptually? How does this relate to something very early on, even though you're working on something very advanced? And then in my notes I have you have a reiner. Your stops look great. You're sliding, you're spinning, you're changing leads. You're running large, fast and small slow circles. This is the definition of reining, by the way.
Diana Tomes:
Yes, we're doing the thing. I, um, just a couple days ago in the arena, I had to stop what I was doing and text my husband. I said, oh my God, Bon Bon just spun so fast that she did that rebalancing thing that the reiners do after their spin.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah. That's really awesome. And then when I thought back about a couple of things that really stood out to me. One was when you went to, I believe, was it a mustang event where you took Bon Bon?
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, yeah. Can you.
Diana Tomes:
I just took her to ride her around.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, yeah. I just remember that when you went to that event and you just took her to ride around, that you were surprised at how many people kept coming up and talking to you and saying, wow. And asking you questions about Bon Bon? Do you remember that?
Diana Tomes:
That's right. Yes. That's right. Yeah. That was really surprising to me seeing other people, I it it sounds so silly, but I guess I had to see it through other people's eyes, like for other people to recognize our progress and success. For me to be like, oh yeah, we are doing really well. And like, I did that.
Diana Tomes:
And you weren't even doing your big fancy things, if I remember.
Diana Tomes:
Correctly. Oh no, we were just riding around. Yeah.
Stacy Westfall:
And you have a lot more fancy things that you weren't even displaying and they were coming up to you, so.
Diana Tomes:
Right.
Stacy Westfall:
Those moments are really kind of fun. So what other things did you discover this year? I think sometimes when we get to the end of the year, we look back and we're like, I'm really happy. And my goals didn't line out exactly. I think that's when you really do a deep dive into what accidental learnings and accidental goals did you hit? Did you have any of those?
Diana Tomes:
Yeah. Gosh. Probably like one a week. I feel like that was yeah, that was how my year went, like almost every week when we were talking and reviewing videos. I feel like I made such a big jump. Like every week I was discovering, I mean, you were like bringing to light in me. You were helping me discover with Bon Bon stuff that I could have been months or years and years away from figuring out on my own. So to progress forward that rapidly, I'm saying forward. Even though there were a lot of tributaries and side quests, it's still all felt very forward, like we had forward momentum, just like rolling towards progress all the time. And every week seemed like such a big jump. Like I learned something, and also every week that I learned something new. I feel like I got like an answer to a question that then didn't really solve anything, because then it just made me have ten more questions. Um, but then I was just rolling forward through the week with like my answer plus ten questions and was learning, like exponentially more every week. I mean, not that there weren't like setbacks and off weeks and slower weeks, but the overall feel of the whole year was just so much forward progress.
Stacy Westfall:
When you look back at thinking about coming into the year in January and then you look at where you are now, is there one thing that stands out to you with Bon Bon that surprises you?
Diana Tomes:
Yeah, I think that's been really interesting. Well, a big concern I had coming into this year. Well, I think we've probably talked about this every year. We've been working together for a few years now, as I want more out of her and more out of me without sacrificing the connection. Like I still want her to like her job. And, well, I guess I'm prioritizing the connection over all else. Like if we have to sacrifice, if we never win anything, but we're still friends. I'm okay with that. But I seen in your horses, that's been really inspiring to me that you don't have to sacrifice the connection or the horse still living like a horse and looking like your horses are performing at such a high level. But it's incredible to me. Their expressions are still engaged, relaxed, I would even say happy. And that has been really cool and fulfilling and fun to see in Bon Bon. She's performing at such a higher level now than she was in January, and I would say more connected and more engaged than ever.
Stacy Westfall:
I think the real magic is that you can get more and more communication, high level performance and a better connection. Yes, people just so naturally want to think it's either or.
Diana Tomes:
They're not mutually exclusive at all.
Stacy Westfall:
No, no. They go together.
Diana Tomes:
Yeah.
Stacy Westfall:
So I think that's the that's the magical part of it.
Diana Tomes:
Yes. You're right. And it is magical. And it just gets better and better. I'm so excited to see like, oh my gosh, what are we where are we going to go next year?
Stacy Westfall:
2024.
Diana Tomes:
Yeah. Here we go.
Stacy Westfall:
Another thing about the advance at home that is different is that we can go down pretty much any rabbit trail that you guys want to. They're both nodding their heads and smiling. And one rabbit trail that we went down with you was actually more about your equine business. Are there any parts of that that surprised you?
Diana Tomes:
Yes, I had some really, well, I had some big changes this year and some really big takeaways from that. I'll just share like quickly what happened when we bought this place five over five years ago now it was a full boarding business with 30 horses here. And so we bought it as is, took over the boarding business and brought my little bitty lesson and training program in and thought that thought, slash hoped, that naturally, eventually the lessons and training would become the bulk of the business. Like that would be my focus. And that is what happened. It became pretty apparent that, like lessons and training is where I belong and the boarding business. I loved it, but it's just really tough. Like I think any barn owner will tell you, it's really tough. It's really time and energy consuming for very little, if any, money. I have known for a couple of years, probably, that a decision was going to have to be made about that eventually. And that was really hard to face because I did actually love the people and I loved caring for their horses, and I ended up getting good friends out of that business, like became friends with my clients. So I just had a lot of fear about, well, really, it was personal. It was just about disappointing that people like I knew the decision. Eventually it got to the point where the decision had to be made. Like financially, this is what has to happen. We have to let go of the boarding business. But I really dragged it out for a long time because I was afraid of, I realize now, I think that I thought the worst case scenario, I guess was like the emotions about it. People's emotions and my emotions like disappointing people, you know? And just the big change that it would be to let go of this thing that has been my life, my all consuming life, for several years. Anyway, it got to the point where there had to be a day where I had to make this decision like it's taking too much of me, it's taking too much from my family, and we're not benefiting from it. This has to happen. And you and I talked about that quite a bit, and you coached me on that quite a bit. And the, the, my biggest takeaway from that was was A.) The decision making, decision, the decision was the hardest part. As soon as the decision was made and the notices were sent out, and I had tortured myself about this for months. As soon as the notices went out, I felt total peace about it. My imagined worst case scenario kind of did happen. I mean, there was a range of reactions from the clients, but like, tensions were high, emotions were were very mixed. And it was difficult with some. And even though that was this terrible thing that I was imagining would be a terrible thing, I was fine. I handled it just fine. My family was just fine. The farm transitioned to. Now I'm just full time training and teaching just fine. So my all that to say, my biggest takeaways were that a making the decision was the hardest part and if I could go back, I would tell myself, like, have a little faith in yourself that you can do this.
Stacy Westfall:
Mhm. Sounds similar to my idea that like if I could go back, I would like to avoid all of those negative emotions that came with the broken hand, which are just part of the process of, of walking through a really challenging kind of a time. But I do think that we get better and better at understanding that we can handle those negative emotions and allow other people to have their emotions.
Speaker5:
Yes. Right. Like the weight that I carried trying to like, how was I possibly gonna have people's emotions for them? Like I lost sleep over that. That's just it was a learning experience.
Stacy Westfall:
I think that's one of the one of the things that's enjoyable about coaching you guys on certain topics is that I've been there before. And so as a business owner, I've made really hard choices when whether your business is transitioning from boarding to full time training or whether you're transitioning, you know, from one event to another. Change is hard. And it comes with a lot of changing old habits, creating new habits, and a lot of emotions through the entire process. Is there anything else, as we wrap up that you guys would like to add to the idea of reviewing your past year and preparing to set your goals for this next year?
Diana Tomes:
Well. Two things. One, Reese, I wrote down that what you said about prioritizing and being flexible. I think looking back on my year that was so important at the beginning of the year, I like prioritizing. I thought, this is important to me, and I want to be on this horse five days a week and like, I'm really on a mission to make progress. And then there were so many times that I had to be flexible, because even though it's really important to me, stuff happens. Like physical stuff, mental stuff, family stuff, soundness stuff, and you have to be flexible. I mean, there are times that I weren't on her for a week straight, even though it was super important to me at the beginning of the year to be on her every day. So you have to, I think, be flexible enough to be okay with stuff happening without getting all like negative emotions about it. And again, looking for something to feel guilty about, looking for something to feel bad about, or think of it as a loss of progress. Because also, Reese, I wrote down that you said there's no loss here. Everything is still moving me forward. So that. And now that we know that at the beginning of last year, I was afraid to even say what my real goals were and didn't even recognize that in myself. Like, I'm going to lean into that now the rest of this December, I'm really going to ask myself what seems too big for me to say out loud?
Speaker5:
Mhm. Oh, that's such a good one. Go back and watch the recording of our very first call when we're reviewing your goals and double check me, I am 99% sure you will not hear reining on the list.
Diana Tomes:
That's ridiculous. (laughter)
Diana Tomes:
Okay, so then can I share that my coach is peer pressured me into competing in raining at Congress next year?
Stacy Westfall:
I have. Presented. The opportunity to you that you could. (laughter)
Diana Tomes:
So. And last year I went from not it wasn't even on my goals. That's hilarious to me. And then when the opportunity was presented to me this year, I was just like, yep, we'll do that.
Stacy Westfall:
Yeah, yeah. Sometimes we can be a little bit like our horses. Our first reaction is like, what? And then our second reaction is like, maybe tell me a little bit more.
Diana Tomes:
Tell me more. Yeah. (laughter)
Reese:
Yeah, I think it really stood out to me like Diana. I know it was a point that was brought up with me, but I think you expanded on it so much better. Was like the idea of really taking credit, like there were so many examples of that with what you were doing. And like, your brain didn't want to acknowledge, like how well it was going or how much you had accomplished. And I just think, I think that's why this exercise is so important, like reflecting on it from a very positive. Space of like, I want to look at what I did, like what I accomplished this year. I just think that's so powerful because that's not what our brain naturally wants to do. That's not what we're predisposed to do. We want to find the problems. We want to find the things that aren't working. And in some ways that serves us. But it's also it's so incredibly powerful to train yourself to look for the things that you've done well, and they're always are going to be those things. And I think that's why I love my list so much is because it includes like, teeny tiny things, teeny tiny things. You know, teaching them to mount, to line up at the mounting block is on that list. It's not like these are not all big accomplishments. That took me a long time to do, but I think training yourself to actually look for those and training yourself to give yourself credit and to let it count is really important. And I hope that anybody listening to this will just use this as, you know, inspiration to do this work themselves and to look back on their year and the things that they can take credit for and be excited about that, even if they're small. Because like I said, this is the first year that my brain has been willing to acknowledge that, like, these were big things that we accomplished. Like, but I still there were so many things from the years before that, even if they seem small, they are the things that set me up to have an explosive year this year. If I hadn't done, if I hadn't been working on all of those things, all of all of that time and doing all the small stuff or what felt small, I mean, it's so it's so subjective, right? Like I could look back on that and I could say that those things were actually huge because they set me up for, for now. But, you know, my brain wanted to say they were small. Like, I hope everyone will be able to look back on their year and just say, like, I did something good. I'm proud of myself.
Stacy Westfall:
Mhm. Yeah. Even the process of looking back over your year is literally the doing of something, no matter if you didn't even set goals at the beginning of the year and you think, I can't do this exercise because I didn't set goals, you can still look back and go, what was January, February, March? What are these months look like? What did I do there? What can I learn from it? You can start now. Because that is your first stepping stone of. And it counts that you look back and that you glance at it. It all builds. Well, thank you so much for joining me today, and I look forward to talking to you on our next zoom call.
Reese:
Thank you.
Diana Tomes:
Bye. Thank you.
Stacy Westfall:
I know it sounds like the conversation is over, but hold on, there's a tiny bit more left.
Reese:
I know this didn't make it into the conversation, but I did want to say to you, Diana, like, it was so fun for me to watch somebody that was doing the stuff that I aspire to do at some point. Like, I would love to do a lot of the things that you're working on, and it was just so fun for me to be an audience to that, and it was really inspiring. And I've I've just loved watching your journey and watching all the things that you've worked on and, and just kind of like you've helped me kind of picture myself, you know, in the future doing some of the stuff that you're doing. So.
Diana Tomes:
Thank you. I'm so glad. Well, I'm listening to you talk about your liberty beach canter. I'm like. Oh, I gotta add that to the list. That's amazing.
Reese:
Yeah, it was pretty fun. I and that was and that was another like there were so many things like this was such a good – Stacy, thank you for asking us to do this just in general, because it was so good for me to do. I could have honestly talked like five times as long. I'm kind of proud of myself for for not like trying to fit everything that I had in my notes into the conversation. Good job. Me. Um, but like, there were so many things that happened this year that I didn't plan on or expect or think were going to happen. And those were some of my biggest things. Like on my list, I had, um, okay, that energy bubble at the Canter which, which is relevant to the the beach Cantering two. But like, I wouldn't even have ever thought like that wasn't even clear enough to me when I started the year to have ever made that a goal. But like, I still remember when that clicked for me that I was that I was the one dropping that bubble like, and that I could feel it, that I could literally feel it like that was so huge. And that was not something I ever planned on.
Reese:
That was not something I had any clarity on when I went into the year, but like that would be in my top five for the whole year like that. Just that feeling. It's a feeling and it's nothing else. Like it wasn't that we actually can, or it was that I could identify what it felt like to hold that bubble when he was when we were cantering like that, just it's still kind of blows my mind and it feels and it's so small and it's so, I don't know, almost abstract. But it was huge for me. Um, and then there was another one too, that was um, like, I think the process of the lay down for me was more important to me than even the lay down like that was. And it was so it became so clear when I was looking back because and and I, I think I even told you this like, I'm noticing some of those thoughts come up with other things that I'm like, I don't like. There's a part of me that's just like, I'm not going to be able to do that. And so you identifying that in the course of advance at home and saying like, hey, this is something you really have a lot of like a lot of thoughts around.
Reese:
And identifying that for me as something like, this could be a big deal for you to break through, like, because you have so many thoughts about it and it so was because I can't even tell you, like, this thing that I'm working on right now with the with the half pass on the ground, those same feelings come up for me every time I work on it that like, it's not going to happen. This is not working. This is like I should, you know, wanting to put it down again because I'm like, it's not. But that happens so much with the lay down that I was like, this is not working. Nothing's happening. I don't see any difference in what he did today than what he did yesterday. Like all of that actually going through that, it's I don't think I could have done the work that I'm doing right now on my own without you holding my hand. If I hadn't done that, like, you know what I mean? And so anyways, there were so many things like that. I honestly, I could have talked for like another hour.
Diana Tomes:
So that is so interesting for me to hear that that's your internal process, like while you're working on the half pass or working on anything, because all the external evidence is totally. Like I barely know you. And I can see that all the external evidence is totally otherwise that you're like, have a goal, do it, and then you just do it. Like I, show in Western dressage now and I have a beach canter and you're like – it's just really interesting to hear and and relatable, like doubting myself through the whole process and then like successfully doing it.
Reese:
Yeah.
Diana Tomes:
And then having to remember to give myself credit for doing it well.
Reese:
Well and that one was so loaded for me too, because it was one that I had picked up and put down at least three times before I did it with Stacy. Yeah. So like I had worked on it, I'd watched YouTube videos, I had played with it, I had I, and I just there was just a part of me that was like, that's just not. Probably going to happen. Like. Or maybe if it does, it's way far away and it's not. And I, I actually wish I had pulled this from slack, but I didn't I don't know if you have it in your notes, Stacy because I would be really curious. Do you know what the timeline was from when we really decided to focus on that to when I had it? Do you know at all?
Stacy Westfall:
We had the discussion in the very end of July. Okay. And then like just started saying like, this is how you'd start to bring their feet together end of July. So then August, that's the first time it shows up in my notes is the last meeting in July. And then in August it was like, this is how you bring them together. And then before the event in September, he was going down, but it seemed pretty like it went pretty quick.
Diana Tomes:
Like not even years. It was like a month.
Reese:
And that that like, blows my mind. Like, I can't even tell you, like how big that felt to me and to think like I did it in basically like less than two months, right? Less than two months, like, oh, it's gonna make me cry again. Then I'm just like. And how things are like that in, in all of this for me that I just haven't even identified yet, that it's like they feel really big and scary and like the fear of failure is really what's underneath it. Right. Um, but I know there's I know there's 20 more things, right that I haven't even uncovered yet that that I feel that way about. And it's just so cool to have that. Like, this is like one of those anchoring moments for me that, like, I will always Stacy I will always look back on this and know, like what it feels like to do something that I 100% did not believe I could do. So thank you. And I'm sorry. I'm just emotional.
Stacy Westfall:
You're welcome. And it's you're very connected to your body and what's going on with you. And that's why it's coming out like this.
Reese:
Yes.
Stacy Westfall:
We hear the concept that we need to fall in love with the process, not the result. Then we set a goal which is literally like a result. And then we really do benefit from understanding the process, which also involves all of that doubt and failure and trying again. And that cycle over and over and over again, getting more information, doubt, fear, trying again. That is the actual process to get to the result. And I always do find it rewarding when you do fall in love with that process, because then when you can identify doubt, failure, and this is all actually the way it works, you get the result. And that's super fun. But you also realize that the power that you have over the ability to choose to enter that cycle for the next thing you want to learn, that is where Yeah. progress is made. Thanks again for listening. And remember, if you want a copy of the eight step process that I power talked through, go over to my website and download it totally free. I'll talk to you again in the next episode.
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