Episode 254: My horse is so heavy: skillset and mindset

Episode 254_ My horse is so heavy_ skillset and mindset changes.mp3: Audio automatically transcribed by Sonix

Episode 254_ My horse is so heavy_ skillset and mindset changes.mp3: this mp3 audio file was automatically transcribed by Sonix with the best speech-to-text algorithms. This transcript may contain errors.

Speaker1:
Do you see how the different belief system, the different view point that we're coming from is actually a pretty big deal? Before we start thinking about addressing it with a skill or a technique.

Speaker2:
Podcasting from a little cabin on a hill. This is the Stacy Westfall podcast. Stacy's goal is simple to teach you to understand why horses do what they do, as well as the action steps for creating clear, confident communication with your horses.

Speaker1:
Hi, I'm Stacy Westfall and I'm here to help you understand, enjoy, and successfully train your own horses. I'm out on a trail ride on Willow, and I've decided to record out on the trail. So that's who you hear in the background. And today I'm answering a question that came in from a listener. And I'm going to read the entire question here in just a moment. But before I read you the question, I want to remind you that what I've been doing in this season of the podcast is looking for the theme that each question presents. That's actually almost like a more big or broad area that we can discuss. So the theme that I hear inside of this question that I want you to listen for as you are hearing me read it, it falls a little bit into the category of, I think I just need another technique. I think I just need a way to tell my horse just not to do this one thing. And what I want you to hear inside of the question is how many other layers there could be there that would be impacting the person that's asking this question. Because if you've been a long time listener, especially if you go back to the beginning of the podcast, you will hear that I talk about the rider's mind, the rider's body, the horse's mind and the horse's body. And as you listen to this question, listen to how easily it could fall into the horse's body being the primary issue here.

Speaker1:
But I'm going to encourage the person that asks this question and all of you who are listening to evaluate this from all four of those angles. Rider's Mind Rider's Body, Horse's Mind, Horse's body. Here is the question I have been struggling recently with my sweet draft stallion. He is the kindest horse ever, but whenever I ride him, I'm constantly trying to find ways to get him off my bit. He always wants to, quote, hold hands by meeting my reins, no matter how far out I let them so that I can hold his face. I don't want to hold his 100 pound head, so I normally pop one side of the bit. This occasionally works. Essentially, he is pushing through this door and it makes me uncomfortable taking him out places because it makes me feel insecure about my ability to stop. He wasn't like this originally. I ground drove him from the time he was a yearling until he went to the trainer at three years old. When I ground drove him, he had a very light handle and was respectful of the bit. Since he came back from the trainer, his handle has been worse and he is laid on my hands. There has to be a better way to fix this than having to pull up heavy all the time. But so far, that's all the advice I have gotten.

Speaker1:
I'm really excited to hear your opinion on this. Now that you've heard the question, can you hear how tempting it would be to simply say, Oh, look, this is the technique you need to use and this will change your horse? What I want to suggest instead is that before you go to the technique or the skill that's going to help your horse understand something different, don't lay on my hands. Be light that I really want you to actually dig in and understand first for you what's going on here. And then second, for your horse, where the horse might be confused. The fastest way to get this started is to actually grab a piece of paper and write down all of your fears or concerns related to this issue. The first one that's obviously on the table is your fear or concern about being able to stop the horse. And for everybody who's listening, if you have a different situation that you want to plug into this change my questions, change my thoughts to fit your situation. So if you have a different concern or a different fear, start with that and plug that in and follow along with what I'm about to say. So the first thing to do is actually grab a piece of paper. And for me, I want to actually set a timer and it's going to be short like five, ten minutes. Ten minutes is my default. So go with that one.

Speaker1:
Set a timer for ten minutes, blank piece of paper, pen, pencil, whatever your chosen tool is, and write down every single concern that you have anywhere related to this. So when I go back and I look at this question, the first one again, that's obvious. Is the one that you stated already, which is he feels heavy. And that makes me question whether or not I could stop. Although that is the obvious one. I also want to suggest there are going to be some other ones, especially because you say he was light and now after sending him to the trainer, he's very heavy. My suspicion would be that maybe there are doubts about whether sending him to the trainer was a good idea. Doubts about whether or not if the trainer is the professional in this situation and this is what you got back, what does this mean for me? What does this mean for the horse? What does this mean about the trainer? Can you hear how there are so many different fears, thoughts or concerns that could come up if you start actually looking fully at the question? And the reason why this is going to be really important is because if you don't dig all of these up, what will happen is that at the root of this concern, we're just going to label it the surface concern. I might not be able to stop my horse. That surface concern actually has roots that go under the ground.

Speaker1:
And it's very important to dig up all of those related concerns, like, can I do this? If this is what happened, if a professional couldn't fix this. If a professional, blah, blah, blah, whatever that is that your brain is offering you, you want to dig all of those up because they're going to actually bring to the surface some of your other underlying fears about you being the one to address this. Also on top of it, you want to bring up other things that could be there, like, for example, the fact that the horse was actually lighter at one point. That might be something that doesn't feel like a fear, but it might bring up a wobble or a doubt in you. He was light. Now he's heavy. What's happening here? You don't need all of the answers when you are doing this exercise. You just need all of the doubts and questions and concerns on the table, or in this case, on the piece of paper. And the reason this is going to be so valuable for you going forward is that if you dig these up, then when you go to find the new answer, you will actually have access to the opposing thought. I'm actually going to give you one of the thoughts that I would have around this situation that would help me. But I also want you to hear how it would not necessarily help if you don't do the work of digging up the roots of all of your concerns or fears.

Speaker1:
So the thing that you wrote in here that would give me hope is the fact that you had him, you had him trained, and he was light and responsive because you have experienced this horse being light and responsive. It's not even just a theory that a horse could be light and responsive. It's actually in your experience, this particular horse was light and responsive. With that being known to you, what you want to do is you want to also be able to see that now you also experience this horse as not being light and not being as responsive. To me, the idea that the horse has been light in the past and again, it's important to me that it was the actual horse that should in a way make it easier because the horse has been light in the past and that you did that. It would seem like the idea that you could do it again would be accessible to you. But the reason that might not feel accessible to you is going to be related to those doubts or concerns. Again, it might be something about the trainer or about the fact that now that the horse learned to be heavy, it will never again be light. This is where your work of digging up the roots matters, because in my experience, what you're describing, I'm going to put under the category that you guys have heard me talk about before on the podcast, which is the teeter totter.

Speaker1:
It's in the beginning of my book that I wrote with Horse and Rider Smartstart, and I talk about rocking the teeter totter back and forth. So just imagine any kind of a scale or a teeter totter. But the reason I like the teeter totter better than the scale, what I like about the teeter totter idea is a teeter totter is supposed to rock back and forth. That is the name of the game. When you're on a playground and you sat on one end and a friend sat on the other. When I use the idea of scales and balancing, what I find is that riders tend to think that means there is a perfect balance point. So imagine you have a scale and you put 1 pound on one side and 1 pound on the other, that scale becomes balanced. That is not what I want you thinking when you're thinking. You about training your horse. I want you thinking that the teeter totter getting the horse light and then getting the horse heavy, getting the horse sensitive, getting the horse less sensitive, getting the horse more forward. Getting the horse less forward. I want you to think that those are normal and natural things that happen during the training process. So then when I hear what you're telling me in this question, I hear that the teeter totter has been rocked.

Speaker1:
And because I view this as a normal and natural part of the training process, it doesn't bring me a lot of fear or concern. It shows to me that the horse is capable of rocking back and forth. Do you see how the different belief system, the different view point that we're coming from is actually a pretty big deal Before we start thinking about addressing it with a skill or a technique? Most people are going to be tempted to skip digging up the root. But if you skip digging up the root, what you're doing is you're skipping the part where you're going to look for those beliefs that are going to hold you back. So, for example, the belief that once a horse becomes heavy, you can never make them light again. That belief, if you have it underneath there, is going to hold you back. If you literally write it down on a piece of paper and you become aware that it exists, you may still have to explore how that process works. You may still have to learn what that's going to be, but you will then be aware that that belief could be under there nagging at you and just the awareness that it's there will help you identify when you start having that sinking heavy. Doubtful. I'm never going to be able to do this feeling when you're with your horse, you'll actually be able to be like, Oh, you'll actually be able to anchor back in to the idea, Oh, I'll bet this has something to do with that idea.

Speaker1:
That sense. He feels heavy today. I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to get him light. I'm afraid horses can't get light again once they've gotten heavy. I'm afraid I don't have the skill set. I'm afraid I'm not capable of learning the skill set. You'll start to be able to put words into this that will help you understand whenever you start feeling doubtful. And that's going to be key to you moving forward. Because if you take this question and you just try to grab onto my new thought that I gave you, that the teeter totter is a normal part of the process. If you just try to grab that and go with it, you'll know whether or not you believe it. Because if you believe it, you're going to approach the problems that will come up. Because imagine rocking the teeter totter back and forth takes some coordination and skill, and you'll probably have to learn some things to be able to do that. You're going to have to learn how to create the timing that again, tells him to be light. Where you had that in the beginning. You did that once already, but something feels different to you right now. And so somehow it feels to you like the only thing you have possible is what I'm going to call a correction, what you call popping him that's going to fall under in my mind.

Speaker1:
If I'm visualizing it correctly, that's going to fall under sort of a correction type thing. So somewhere in there before when you were doing it, you did not indicate that you were popping in before. So somehow before when you were ground driving him, you had the belief and you had the skills to create the horse that you felt was responsive. So now the game is to figure out what you're doing differently or why what he's doing differently now is confusing you. My first recommendation is to go back and do this journal work that I'm suggesting to dig up the roots and find those beliefs that are going to be competing with your new beliefs. Also list every new belief that could be helpful. Whether that's my idea of the teeter totter or whether that is what you believed when you were originally teaching him how to respond to the bit. Bring all of those into your mind so you have access to them and then start videotaping your sessions. Start looking at what you're doing now and go all the way back to the beginning. Go back to whatever you did the first day you put the bridle on, go back to whatever you did the first day that you did the ground driving and see if in your body you can feel how you might be approaching this differently.

Speaker1:
If you feel weighed down with the doubts that you're now carrying. See if you can go back and be the person who was approaching that before. And if you can do that, you'll be able to remain more neutral as you evaluate him and see if that opens up more access to his experience. Because in my mind, when I think about rocking the teeter totter back and forth, it's normal for horses to ask those questions. Did he ever ask any questions that were heavy before, anywhere that could have been in the halter? It could have been when you were teaching him to lead. It could have been the first day in the bridle. Did he ever ask questions that remind you of this? Because as you find more evidence, you're going to start noticing again that play in your body, those fears. Feelings that come and go that are associated with the thoughts of I can do this, this is new, this is fun, or I'm never going to be able to do this. I can't believe this is what's happening. This is not what I expected after sending the horse to a trainer and then after you've done the work I just suggested with the journal and exploring like you were going to start all over again exactly the way that you did before, which again is more about exploring you than it is about your horse.

Speaker1:
Then what I want you to do is evaluate what skills you have in your tool belt of skills that would help you be able to teach any horse to become lighter. One that comes to my mind as I'm riding is that it's very common for me to use my legs to help inform the horse how to be in the contact in the reins that it is not early elementary school that is elementary beginning to move towards high school. And so those skills, if you have access to them because you've done that with a different horse, now would be the time to begin exploring where you start layering those in. And if you haven't done something like that before, that's when it would be a great time to start learning the skills that a horse at the next level up, what I'm going to call high school would use. And again, for me, that's going to be involving legs, my legs as the rider informing the horse. This contact is too heavy and this is how I give you feedback with an entire system of my body, not just the bridle reins. If you're listening to this podcast and you find that you are in a situation where you do need to pick up some more skills or you're having trouble reading your horse's body language, or you're having trouble watching your video and seeing what's happening that could be contributing to this.

Speaker1:
This is the work that I do with students inside the Resourceful Rider program. The reason that I have weekly Zoom calls with the students is so that I can answer questions and even better review videos because inside of a video I can read your horse's body language. I can suggest the technique and the combination, and I can help you clean up the techniques that you're using so that you can communicate more clearly with your horse. And the beautiful thing is that I've been doing these weekly calls for years, so not only do you have access to being able to submit your own videos, but you have access to go back and look at hundreds of students submitting their videos, asking their questions. And what you'll start to realize is there are a lot of common themes that happen as people are learning to train their own horses. And that's really important because it helps you with your doubts when you realize you're not the only one that has these questions or these challenges or these thoughts. What starts to happen is you start to relax and you start to be able to learn from all the different videos that people submit, and you start to see the path forward for you and your horse. Again, thank you for sending in the question. Thanks to everyone for listening to the podcast and I'll talk to you again in the next episode.

Speaker2:
If you enjoy listening to Stacy's podcast, please visit Stacy westfall.com for articles, videos and tips to help you and your horse succeed.

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