Are you a task/goal oriented person or more of a relational person? I really enjoy studying people and I am taking a course on personality profiles. There are reasons we do well in different areas of life. Some of us are goal setters and are determined to reach those goals.
Other of us are relational and having people like us and getting along are more important to us. How are you getting int he way of your hopes or dreams? Are you afraid of being rejected or losing your security? Or are you afraid of getting too close to people and getting taken advantage of or being criticized?
How is your fear holding you back in life? —-Jesse Westfall
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Definition of fear – F alse E vidence A ppearing 2B R eal
I am ver much goal orientated if I set my goal and break it down to manageable smaller goals, I will acheive at all costs. The only thing I have a problem with is nerves when competing. I have been practicing all the methods in Barbra Schulte’s book the gift and have found the visualisation to be brilliant. In my first weekend event on my first run on a young horse we went out and completed the course!! It was amazing I did not get the nerves ( which would usually consume me and block my brain) the second day I did not run through my pre run ritual as there were some outside factors happening, and I blew it. I was so wound up it was a combination of excitement, fear, anticipation and adrenalin, as you know when working with horses and cattle there are always variables, but I truely believe that if I stick to the visualisations I can at least eleminate my nervous energy from the variables.
Great topic by the way. This was the foirst time I have taken a really objective look at the what and why.
Katie Andrews
Australia
Currently, my fear of being hurt while riding has been a huge challenge to overcome. For someone who was never afraid previously, this has been a new challenge to address. Its like a switch went off in my brain one day and i’m not sure how to deactivate the switch anymore.
This is one of my favourite subjects! I think that courage is the greatest objective to navigating life. With time, if you work hard at it, you can shed the insecurities and fears and find your dreams, but I DID say, with hard work and clear thought processes. Positive visualisation is one of the greatest exercises for the mind. That’s not New Age or ‘out there’ but scientific fact. If you see it clearly (and you must be very careful about what you ‘see’) then you can begin to find those building blocks to making your heart/mind connection a reality. But that takes courage. Sometimes, humans have a huge selection of self-sabotage mechanisms in place. It takes courage to want to succeed because often the mind has been set up in childhood, by others, to teach you to fail. I believe everyone has talent at something, that everyone is creative at something and that everyone has a right to find what they’re really good at. Baby steps, one foot in front of the other, that’s the only way to build secure building blocks to break the barriers of fear and to find your niche.
Interesting thought Stacy about the bait and cold water, and I know from my own life experences that when you try so hard to succeed, and you fail for what ever reason, and so you try to think of a different way of doing only to fail again and again you get to the point of where you are broken not only in mind but in soul and spirit. It’s kind of like the battered wife syndrome where you have been told your not worthy until you accually believe it yourself. your self worth becomes nothing and your dreams are left to collect dust on the shelf. It is only when we are able to step outside ourselves and take a true look at yourself and take an inventory of your life successes no matter how trivial you may seem they are that a person can find that inner strength to try again,
I’m more afraid of the “two steps forward, three steps back” scenario because it used to happen all the time before things fell into place. now i just make sure i take things slow enough so i don’t try to JUMP ahead…. because obviously, something’s gonna throw you back a couple steps.
i try not to let this hold me back, but i just take things slow so it wont!
Life is too short to take either seriously. It is better to live by the golden rule and live every day like it is your last. Remember that every decision we all make is the one we feel will get us the best outcome – as long as we respect our fellow souls on this earth all will be great!
I would say, I am definately not task oriented. Something I wish I was more inclined to. I am more spontaneous.
I do not like being criticized or rejected unless it is constructive criticism from a friend I know won’t judge me.
I do find that my fear of rejection keeps me frozen at times. I tend to avoid the confrontation or withdraw.
I recently have found it hard to let some people know of my interest in owning a horse. They usually are quick to tell me that I don’t know what I am doing and shouldn’t get involved.
Yet, I have always loved horses. So, whether they like it or not, I am involved with horses and will make my mistakes.
I will always strive to do my best and lean on God to be my guide and my strength at helping me make the right decisions. I am cautious and not ignorant and always striving to learn.
I think we need to be accepting of others wherever they are in their growth process and in whatever arena. To help them become better without that critical judgement and encourage them to be what God designed them to be.
I’m not a high achiever, so I don’t have many goals. To be one with my horse is probably my main goal. I’d say my biggest fear is failure, letting myself and my horse down through lack of communication. Although I’ll never give up on something, whether I get it done today, tomorrow or in a year til I get it done. Trouble is, I procrastinate when it comes to myself and my horse, and help others with their goals.
Recently I have read about the “goldfish and a wall of glass” experiment done by scientists. Basically you divide aquarium into two parts by glass. Fish try to swim through, only to fail and get hurt. After some time they learn to not try it anymore. And the interesting part, when the scientists removed the glass after a few months, fish continued to swim only in the original half of the aquarium, even though the glass wall was no longer there.
I think this illustrates well the way most people face problems. We try a few times, even if the results might be painful. And after some time we just decide to not try anymore, because we KNOW what the result is going to be. But… is it, really? Or is it just our fictive wall of glass and there is no reason to be afraid?
I like that one. I had heard about an experiment with monkeys that was similar…baiting them with food but blasting them with cold water, eventually they don’t try any more…interesting.
We do similar with our house dogs when they would bark at us while we’re having dinner, only we use a sqirty/spray bottle. The younger one has stopped but our 10yr old Pom, still has a yap every so often, no where near what he used to though (he was my partner’s grandmother’s I guess old habits die hard.lol)
only fear puts the limmits on how far we can go, i have a arabian crossbreed, and hes pretty fast and he loves to run, especally when he beats someone, and a few days ago i just sat up on him, with out any thing but his halter, and loped him over the big pasture and then i stopped him and i had no fear, and he did everything i wanted. i love him so much.
Recently I have been very aware of how my own fears can adversly affect those around me,including my horse.A fear of confronting my fears(if that makes sense)keeps me in sort of “sespended ” state of being.Conversly,confronting my fears sensibly and with the help of God has shown me wonderfull areas of growth in my life.
Last night without any fear in my mind or heart, I bridaled my 5 mo. old colt Toby.We boldly walked out of his corral thru a new gate into the yard with out hesitation.He did wonderfully,as did I.Afterwards I reflected on some of our less succesfull attempts at trying new things.As I was able to recall,there was a certain fear in my mind of “what-If” this or that happens?There was a noteable increase in our progress when that fear was absent last evening. TA-DA!!!!!
Growing up, I was a little of both. You could have defined me as a child a “Teacher’s Pet.” I had to have the teacher like me and get maybe not the best grades, but solidly good ones. Now I am still the same way with my horse. At 52, I want my trainer and my horse to like me and I’m just trying to prove to myself I can compete. If I was strictly the person who is goal oriented.,I feel I would be more successful in the show ring. That person, however is not who I am. So I have to be content with the fact that I’m doing what I love to do and perhaps I won’t be the best at it, but I thank God for the fact I am able to ride. My biggest fear is that I wake up one morning and I can’t get back in the saddle!
Such an interesting question. Anyone else out there who is both extremely relational, AND a perfectionist? It’s a double challenge to both my interests–horses, and playing piano. Tension and adrenaline–“stage fright”–is a huge obstacle to both. I even worry what horses think about me, for goodness’ sake!!!! 🙂
Hi Alice,
I’m sure you’re horses are satisfied with you.:) but I think I can relate to that feeling too!
I find myself being very relational, and goal oriented as well. I think I usually sacrifice the goal to put the relationship first though. So, how do you deal with those two ‘pulls’ in your own life?
Hi Laura,
Thanks! The relational urge actually helps to overcome the stage fright, if I can move the goal to the subconscious level and consciously think of whatever I’m doing as a gift of love for the audience to enjoy. “Perfect love casts out fear”–1 John 4:18
I would have to say for myself all of the above would, I stand in the way of my dreams and sometimes life stands in my way as well. Fear of failing is a great one cause I am a pro at that infact.it is about the only thing that I do well at. But in having said all of that I do learn from those oppes and I gain a better knowledge of what makes life work.